I don't know why I didn't CTB yet

[Depressive_Thoughts]

(venting)

So I have SN, anti-emetics and shit... Why am I delaying my plans to CTB? What am I waiting for? A miracle, a sudden big change in my life that will perhaps make me try and forget to kill myself? I didn't figured out yet why I'm still keeping myself alive.

 

[CallmeWill4719]

I have been asking myself this question quite a bit. Why am I still here? Why am I still doing this? A lot of spite and morbid curiosity.

 

[toasterbath7210]

I'm sitting here staring at my SN thinking the same thing, idk what the fuck im waiting for ..i feel like im ready but there's something stopping me

 

[ningen_shikkaku]

I feel the same way. I have the same things also.

Perhaps I'm just waiting for an event-- a straw that breaks the camel's back. But I also know there's no rush. That's the point, no? To be in control of when and how we leave. I think about that.

 

[MatrixPrisoner]

It takes will power. And obviously anyone who can read this, lacks it.

 

[tirednwired]

A miracle would be nice but I'm mostly just scared of failing :,)

 

[SweetMaple]

Looking at my shoping list why am i waiting to buying SN etc. what is keeping me back, there is nothing in my howle life wich made me feel wanted so why am i still here.

I think i will buy my SN

 

[Depressive_Thoughts]

I feel the same way. I have the same things also.

Perhaps I'm just waiting for an event-- a straw that breaks the camel's back. But I also know there's no rush. That's the point, no? To be in control of when and how we leave. I think about that.

Yeah, that makes sense. You got the means to ctb and, theoretically, can do it at any given time, if you feel like it.

 

[mrelief82]

(venting)

So I have SN, anti-emetics and shit... Why am I delaying my plans to CTB? What am I waiting for? A miracle, a sudden big change in my life that will perhaps make me try and forget to kill myself? I didn't figured out yet why I'm still keeping myself alive.

Can totally relate . Although I know my earlier reasons to stay now they finished and it's seems even harder …

 

[Ashes of a Dreamer]

Don't worry, you're not alone, and kill yourself is really difficult - you're moving against your instincts. That's one of the reasons there isn't more suicides - we're programmed to survive, and our body - and mind - will do everything for doing so.