Venting I don't get how people enjoy living

[JustDan]

I don't understand how people are able to just enjoy being alive.

Viewed objectively from the outside, I actually have a good life: I no longer have to live with my parents; my godmother takes good care of me; my university studies are going very well; I have no financial problems; I finally have many, even very close friendships.
Actually, I've achieved everything (besides a relationship) that I've hoped for in the past. Shouldn't I feel satisfied? But I'm still depressed. All these negative, self-deprecating thoughts are still there. And I still feel so exhausted by just existing. I've spent the last 5 years in therapy and progress is stagnating for quite some time now. When I was younger and was dealing with a lot more bullshit, I at least had the hope that if my life got better, I'd feel better too. That hope has since died. I haven't been able to find passion for anything, I'm unable to love myself and even if I got into a relationship, I think it's just another external factor that doesn't change much.

I know that I'm ungrateful for what I have. I believe I just want to CTB again, this time though not in affect but as a deliberate decision. I really don't know what else to do. I'm tired.

 

[GasMonkey]

All about having the correct brain wiring, neurotransmitters, hormones, etc.
People who feel good do so without any effort at all. XD

Maybe you have low testosterone or low thyroid, do bloodwork. Check for sleep apnea too.

 

[Mr.Tristesse]

I know that I'm ungrateful for what I have. I believe I just want to CTB again, this time though not in affect but as a deliberate decision. I really don't know what else to do. I'm tired.

Feeling depressed and suicidal is horrible and not wanting to feel that way is certainly a reasonable thing to want. It sounds like you fully appreciate the value of what you have; that's why you're at a loss as to why it isn't enough (does anything necessarily have to be?). So I don't think you can be fairly accused of ingratitude.

 

[absolomonisgone]

I don't understand how people are able to just enjoy being alive.

Viewed objectively from the outside, I actually have a good life: I no longer have to live with my parents; my godmother takes good care of me; my university studies are going very well; I have no financial problems; I finally have many, even very close friendships.
Actually, I've achieved everything (besides a relationship) that I've hoped for in the past. Shouldn't I feel satisfied? But I'm still depressed. All these negative, self-deprecating thoughts are still there. And I still feel so exhausted by just existing. I've spent the last 5 years in therapy and progress is stagnating for quite some time now. When I was younger and was dealing with a lot more bullshit, I at least had the hope that if my life got better, I'd feel better too. That hope has since died. I haven't been able to find passion for anything, I'm unable to love myself and even if I got into a relationship, I think it's just another external factor that doesn't change much.

I know that I'm ungrateful for what I have. I believe I just want to CTB again, this time though not in affect but as a deliberate decision. I really don't know what else to do. I'm tired.

It's normal and ok you finally find out life not worth living I find out long time stop work now wait to dead on birthday I call dieday soon

 

[FuneralCry]

I don't think that anyone does enjoy existing really, I believe that people just pretend to, and I think that if peaceful suicide methods were more easily accessible most people would just choose to permanently exit existence. But to me existence is certainly a burden and I view it as being a curse having the ability to exist. Life is such an useless concept that leads to nothing and nowhere apart from our inevitable deterioration and death and such a thing as existence could never be worth it to me.

So many humans spend their existence being a slave to this society all while trying to fufill endless needs which just repeat and I believe that humans are never satisfied, with at all times the risk being there of ending up in a situation that is much more torturous. So of course if people actually wish to exist in this hellish world then I could never understand their mindset which is clearly centred around delusions. There is nothing to be gained by something so pointless as existing, instead there are only ways to suffer.