I don’t feel lonely anymore

[depthss]

The main reason I wanted to CTB used to be because of how lonely I felt. I didn't have any friends, I was completely isolated, and it was making me feel miserable. I created a list of things that I had to accomplish before I made friends because I didn't feel worthy.

I haven't had a proper friendship in years, and even those friendships weren't really great. I didn't really like any of them, I always felt forced into being their friend because I was scared of what they'd do to me if I stopped.

I started talking to a couple people just to practice my social skills, and I absolutely hated it, I forgot how much I hated talking to people, it's been so long. I've just been way more into the idea of having friends than the reality of what people are actually like. I don't know if that's what causes these feelings, but Ever since then, I've rapidly stopped feeling lonely, I'm not sure why, but now the idea of friendship doesn't even interest me. In fact, everything to do with people makes me feel kind of angry and disgusted. raw emotion, laziness, gluttony, sex/intimacy, and even things like itchiness or sickness or anatomy make me feel so uncomfortable and mad, and I don't know why.

Obviously, this doesn't make me want to CBT any less. I don't feel lonely anymore, but I feel just as ostracized. And I feel so uncomfortable whenever I do anything that people do, I don't understand why but I hate it, and I don't want to be human, I'd much rather be dead

 

[4everDone]

It's lowkey funny because humans are social creatures and we are suppose to be naturally social and communicative. No other animal has this problem, they're just hella social or simply distant by nature of their own. I sometimes think that being very social and communicative is one of the social constructs we are taught in school, but that's just something we got to do at an early age.

My understanding of society has come to a point where if there is literally no need to interact with other people and you're capable of supporting yourself all of that nonsense can be ignored. Some people are naturally very altruistic and they need to be around others and that's just one side of human behavior. My favorite kind is people who are social, but can understand the boundaries of others.

Talking to people and understanding them is not something that's gonna click immediately. It's a skill like any other and it takes time. For me it was something like eating broccoli as a kid, like yeah it's healthy and shit but I am only able to begin to enjoy it after 100th time lol.