I can’t take it anymore my life is over, how do I get over fear of death

[Charmander07]

Honestly, I don't even feel like talking my abt my situation, someone has genuinely just ruined my life despite me doing nothing to deserve it. I have nothing to gain anymore, how does one get over the fear of actually doing it, I'm gonna do it this weekend by jumping off a bridge, I know it'll work as I know so many people die here. But just something will always stop me, idk how to explain it I feel like such a wuss, I just don't wanna live anymore but I can't die. Please help

 

[Slark]

Don't feel bad about it. Overcoming the survival instinct is very difficult. Our brains are programmed to try to avoid death at all costs. I hope you find peace, in whatever way you choose.

 

[Charmander07]

Don't feel bad about it. Overcoming the survival instinct is very difficult. Our brains are programmed to try to avoid death at all costs. I hope you find peace, in whatever way you choose.

What I think I might do is give myself a massive adrenaline rush by like stabbing myself with smth small first then I'll just run up and do it. I genuinely can't live anymore, some people truly are evil, I hate this fucking world. Why do the genuine good and the sorry suffer while the people who just torture people get to live happily and find happiness. I thought i genuinely was gonna be happy but then this shit happened and now I can't find a way out of it

 

[Slark]

I don't know if it's a good idea to hurt yourself beforehand; it might make things worse. The world is very cruel to some people, and unfortunately, this seems to happen more to good people. I think bad people usually get away with it because they don't care about other people's feelings and don't mind hurting them. The world has also been a huge drag for me.

 

[Charmander07]

I don't know if it's a good idea to hurt yourself beforehand; it might make things worse. The world is very cruel to some people, and unfortunately, this seems to happen more to good people. I think bad people usually get away with it because they don't care about other people's feelings and don't mind hurting them. The world has also been a huge drag for me.

Yeah my morals have changed recently about things, I used to always think that nobody deserves to die as everyone can change, but that's changed now. I wish that like a kira from death note could be real sometimes ngl . But yeah I just wish that everyone could be happy and nice but most people are just pieces of shits icl
Would a drop into water make it less lethal even if it's from a stupidly high height

 

[Slark]

Yeah my morals have changed recently about things, I used to always think that nobody deserves to die as everyone can change, but that's changed now. I wish that like a kira from death note could be real sometimes ngl . But yeah I just wish that everyone could be happy and nice but most people are just pieces of shits icl
Would a drop into water make it less lethal even if it's from a stupidly high height

I think that in the world there are not only people who deserve to die, but people who deserve even worse things than death, for example, people who kill and torture others without reason, or for stupid reasons, like a power struggle. I think there are still good people in the world, but they are a small minority. I don't know much about suicide by jumping; I think I would never have the courage to try it, as I am very afraid of heights. My method of choice is sodium nitrite, but I don't want to influence your choices; only you can decide about these things. You seem like a sweet person; I hope you can find happiness in some way.

 

[Charmander07]

I think that in the world there are not only people who deserve to die, but people who deserve even worse things than death, for example, people who kill and torture others without reason, or for stupid reasons, like a power struggle. I think there are still good people in the world, but they are a small minority. I don't know much about suicide by jumping; I think I would never have the courage to try it, as I am very afraid of heights. My method of choice is sodium nitrite, but I don't want to influence your choices; only you can decide about these things. You seem like a sweet person; I hope you can find happiness in some way.

Yeah my ex told me about sodium nitrite, I mean don't feel guilty abt it cause it does seem like a better method I'm ngl. It's just getting access to it would be very difficult and I don't wanna wait too long. Is it wrong that I would be happy if certain people just died?
Also I hope you can find happiness too, thank you for trying to help

 

[Slark]

Yeah my ex told me about sodium nitrite, I mean don't feel guilty abt it cause it does seem like a better method I'm ngl. It's just getting access to it would be very difficult and I don't wanna wait too long. Is it wrong that I would be happy if certain people just died?
Also I hope you can find happiness too, thank you for trying to help

I don't think it's wrong to be happy for that reason, I just don't think it's right for people to try to take justice into their own hands. That being said, I think I myself would be very happy with the death of some people, especially those who cause and have caused a lot of pain and suffering to others. I think for most people here it's difficult to obtain sodium nitrite; for me it was easy because I live in a place where there aren't many restrictions regarding it, although I think things might change soon. Thank you for your words.

 

[Charmander07]

I don't think it's wrong to be happy for that reason, I just don't think it's right for people to try to take justice into their own hands. That being said, I think I myself would be very happy with the death of some people, especially those who cause and have caused a lot of pain and suffering to others. I think for most people here it's difficult to obtain sodium nitrite; for me it was easy because I live in a place where there aren't many restrictions regarding it, although I think things might change soon. Thank you for your words.

This may sound stupid but ever since my ex told me about it, just for fun I've studied high level chemistry, I think I know how to produce it at home, do you think I should do it? I know it's risky but I'd love to die knowing I created it, the only thing I'm proud of abt myself is my intelligence. There's so many problems in mathematics I think I could have solved, but since this happened, the best I could get is dying to my own knowledge.

That probably sounds so cringe and weird to say but like I want to die impressively and unique to me

 

[Slark]

This may sound stupid but ever since my ex told me about it, just for fun I've studied high level chemistry, I think I know how to produce it at home, do you think I should do it? I know it's risky but I'd love to die knowing I created it, the only thing I'm proud of abt myself is my intelligence. There's so many problems in mathematics I think I could have solved, but since this happened, the best I could get is dying to my own knowledge.

That probably sounds so cringe and weird to say but like I want to die impressively and unique to me

Deciding whether to try and create this substance is entirely up to you, but from the posts about sodium nitrite that I've read, it's clear that very high purity is needed for success, and I think it's very difficult to achieve that at home. Some people even suggest doing some tests with sodium nitrite to ensure high purity.

 

[aufrechtm7]

This may sound stupid but ever since my ex told me about it, just for fun I've studied high level chemistry, I think I know how to produce it at home, do you think I should do it? I know it's risky but I'd love to die knowing I created it, the only thing I'm proud of abt myself is my intelligence. There's so many problems in mathematics I think I could have solved, but since this happened, the best I could get is dying to my own knowledge.

That probably sounds so cringe and weird to say but like I want to die impressively and unique to me

You would be spending substantially more money on the equipment and materials needed to synthesize it compared to just buying it, not to mention the dozens of hours of your life learning and practicing synthing. Honestly just seems like a waste of your time, no offense.

 

[Charmander07]

Deciding whether to try and create this substance is entirely up to you, but from the posts about sodium nitrite that I've read, it's clear that very high purity is needed for success, and I think it's very difficult to achieve that at home. Some people even suggest doing some tests with sodium nitrite to ensure high purity.

If I can't even do that then that would make me a failure in my eyes , I've always been good with chemistry practicals, my old school said I was the best they had seen in over 5 years (sorry I don't rlly get anyone to tell this sort of stuff to I'm not trying to be a show off or an ass)

You would be spending substantially more money on the equipment and materials needed to synthesize it compared to just buying it, not to mention the dozens of hours of your life learning and practicing synthing. Honestly just seems like a waste of your time, no offense.

Just the idea of dying to my own creation no matter how much work I have to put in genuinely satisfies me so much. It's just such a 'me' way to die idk how to explain

 

[aufrechtm7]

Just the idea of dying to my own creation no matter how much work I have to put in genuinely satisfies me so much. It's just such a 'me' way to die idk how to explain

I only say that because I think you're underestimating how expensive it actually is, the equipment would cost thousands, possibly tens of thousands of dollars alone.

I'm no chemist but I've done work where I inform people of the reality of serious undertakings like this, it's not as simple as just buying a few beakers and some materials from the internet. What about creating some sort of simple contraption instead? I don't want to advise you on how to ctb because it hurts me, but I'd rather not see you get disappointed of the reality of what you're trying to do.

 

[Slark]

I understand you, but even so, I think it's a complicated thing to do at home. I might be being pessimistic, so please forgive me if that's the case.

 

[Charmander07]

I only say that because I think you're underestimating how expensive it actually is, the equipment would cost thousands, possibly tens of thousands of dollars alone.

I'm no chemist but I've done work where I inform people of the reality of serious undertakings like this, it's not as simple as just buying a few beakers and some materials from the internet. What about creating some sort of simple contraption instead? I don't want to advise you on how to ctb because it hurts me, but I'd rather not see you get disappointed of the reality of what you're trying to do.

I already have access to essentially any chemistry equipment possible, and if I do have to spend quite a bit of money I'll do it for myself. I never really treated myself this will be the one good thing that happens to me. I know it's easier to do other methods and probably less painless, but I want to die knowing I did this, my skills finally got used for something. It sounds so stupid I know I just want to use my STEM brain for smth helpful you know?

I understand you, but even so, I think it's a complicated thing to do at home. I might be being pessimistic, so please forgive me if that's the case.

I would do it in a lab, I have access to one essentially whenever I'd just need to buy the chemicals needed which most I already have access to or are easily obtainable

 

[Hana68]

What was your previous plan/method with a bridge? I could advise fighting SI because mine died with my past self on the train tracks.

 

[Charmander07]

What was your previous plan/method with a bridge? I could advise fighting SI because mine died with my past self on the train tracks.

I was literally gonna go to the highest point on a bridge (harm myself to get the rush going) then jump. But I forgot about SN, my ex told me about it and it's always been my dream to accomplish something and I've just realised this is what I truly want, thank you for the help tho

 

[aufrechtm7]

I already have access to essentially any chemistry equipment possible, and if I do have to spend quite a bit of money I'll do it for myself. I never really treated myself this will be the one good thing that happens to me. I know it's easier to do other methods and probably less painless, but I want to die knowing I did this, my skills finally got used for something. It sounds so stupid I know I just want to use my STEM brain for smth helpful you know?

I would do it in a lab, I have access to one essentially whenever I'd just need to buy the chemicals needed which most I already have access to or are easily obtainable

Ok that's fair, if you do have equipment and you're not just doing this at home it changes things but you'll then be at the mercy of other people questioning your activities. I don't think you're stupid at all, I'm just trying to help you think about the planning behind this.

 

[Hana68]

I was literally gonna go to the highest point on a bridge (harm myself to get the rush going) then jump. But I forgot about SN, my ex told me about it and it's always been my dream to accomplish something and I've just realised this is what I truly want, thank you for the help tho

If you decide to ctb using a bridge, I'd advise you spend the previous night without sleeping, spend that time relaxing and watching/reading whatever you do (hobbies, interests basically) (sudden) lack of sleep may improve your chances because you'll feel detached, and weirdly energetic. Also use that time trying your best at disassociating from the world, think of your attempt the next day as something that has already happened, or like your attempt steps as you in a book/movie. Don't think much as you're nearing your objective and constantly think "this has already happened" "I'm seeing past events".

 

[Charmander07]

Ok that's fair, if you do have equipment and you're not just doing this at home it changes things but you'll then be at the mercy of other people questioning your activities. I don't think you're stupid at all, I'm just trying to help you think about the planning behind this.

Thanks for being concerned, I'll definitely need to do some planning ahead when it comes to how I'm gonna be there for hours producing smth, I'll probs do it on the side of smth else. Is SN a compound that even non suicidal people know about, like if I got caught would they know what I'm using it for?

 

[Hana68]

I wish you find whatever you're looking for friend, let me tell you, after the train hit me, I was in a coma for two months, and on the brink of death from severe hemorrhage on the brain that took almost a day for them to fix, got 4 other surgeries. When I woke up I was haunted by delusions, couldn't remember anything for a while, my legs were burning with intense pain and I was living in hell, I no longer have SI, It died with the past me. And you can overcome it too. I hope you find peace or whatever you're looking for.

 

[Charmander07]

If you decide to ctb using a bridge, I'd advise you spend the previous night without sleeping, spend that time relaxing and watching/reading whatever you do (hobbies, interests basically) (sudden) lack of sleep may improve your chances because you'll feel detached, and weirdly energetic. Also use that time trying your best at disassociating from the world, think of your attempt the next day as something that has already happened, or like your attempt steps as you in a book/movie. Don't think much as you're nearing your objective and constantly think "this has already happened" "I'm seeing past events".

Thank you, I mean the option isn't completely gone I'll use it as a backup. That last bit really hit me, it just feels like I was meant to anyways. My ex never believed in me, hopefully now people can truly see that this is who I am

I wish you find whatever you're looking for friend, let me tell you, after the train hit me, I was in a coma for two months, and on the brink of death from severe hemorrhage on the brain that took almost a day for them to fix, got 4 other surgeries. When I woke up I was haunted by delusions, couldn't remember anything for a while, my legs were burning with intense pain and I was living in hell, I no longer have SI, It died with the past me. And you can overcome it too. I hope you find peace or whatever you're looking for.

Thank you I appreciate the help and advice. I'm sorry you had to go through that, I hope you can find peace with yourself as well

 

[aufrechtm7]

Thanks for being concerned, I'll definitely need to do some planning ahead when it comes to how I'm gonna be there for hours producing smth, I'll probs do it on the side of smth else. Is SN a compound that even non suicidal people know about, like if I got caught would they know what I'm using it for?

There's a good chance the average person won't know the use case we have for it, but they will probably ask questions about what you're doing specifically so you'd need a convincing cover story. If anyone finds out you're making sodium nitrite specifically, it'll definitely raise red flags.