I can't stand seeing people younger than me succeeding where I am failing

[WatchmeBurn]

I've been a NEET for over 1 year at this point. The one-year anniversary was the 13th of May, when I finished the last assessment of my Master's.

Everyone on my course has been in jobs for a year now and some of them have been promoted.

Everytime I try to find people on Linkedin to "network with" (whatever the fuck that means) I see people younger than me who have never spent more than a month out of work or education succeeding in the exact sort of careers I'm failing to even get a shot at. It fucks me up. I just want to die. I've tried so hard my entire life. tried to get internships, volunteering opportunities, worked so hard in school and university, been to countless career meetings to improve my CV and Cover Letters and to learn how to network. And it's all for nothing. I can't even get an internship-how the fuck am I meant to get experience if you need experience for even the most entry-level of jobs? What the hell am I meant to do?

I can't even find retail jobs in the meantime for the money because even they don't want me. I was told that I was "not natural enough", aka too autistic, for them. Discrimination tbh but what can you do, I'm used to it.

But yeah, I'm 25 now. Not a spring chicken. People 20-21 are doing better than me and occupying the jobs that I dream of. All my coursemates have jobs but none of them have any advice for me or anything. I've seen a couple of their CVs and Cover Letters and mine is just as good, I just don't have any connections and I don't know how I'm meant to get experience in the first place.

How am I meant to get connections when nobody responds to my messages/connection requests on Linkedin? Not all of us are born rich and well-connected. My family worked in manual labour jobs.



I can't take it. I'm just not good enough. If I were good enough then I would've found a job by now. I'm never going to be successful. I just want to die so badly but I can't because my partner and parents would be destroyed by it. I wish they'd just accept that I'll never be happy and that a peaceful and dignified death is the best option for me. They'll never do it, though.

I can't take it anymore.

 

[DivineSpark]

I cant stand seeing my former friends having successful careers, wife and children. Makes me feel really like a loser. I think I shouldnt compare myself to others

 

[Apathy79]

Hard to give specific advice here not knowing the field but there should be a careers advisor for your course that can help get you started. I got my first internship that way. Also as someone 20 years further down the path than you that still considers himself a spring chicken, I am aghast at that comment!

 

[Kali_Yuga13]

Having a Masters and a one year hiccup of NEETing is hardly falling behind tbh. However, if you stay stuck into your 30s imagine what your feeing now magnified x10 though.

Linkedin in my experience isn't a place to network unless you have already have an employment track record recruiters can comb through or you write professional posts related to your field showcasing your expertise. Forget about LinkedIn at the beginning of your career.

It's much better to go to meetups related to your field or conventions. Toastmasters is a great way to learn how to interact with others, interview well and publicly speak.

 

[WatchmeBurn]

Having a Masters and a one year hiccup of NEETing is hardly falling behind tbh. However, if you stay stuck into your 30s imagine what your feeing now magnified x10 though.

Linkedin in my experience isn't a place to network unless you have already have an employment track record recruiters can comb through or you write professional posts related to your field showcasing your expertise. Forget about LinkedIn at the beginning of your career.

It's much better to go to meetups related to your field or conventions. Toastmasters is a great way to learn how to interact with others, interview well and publicly speak.

The problem is that I've already lost 3 years. I had to take an extra year to do my A-levels and my Master's took an extra year. This is the third.

I've heard mixed things about LinkedIn but it doesn't seem to be working for me yet.

The problem is that (A) I don't know how to find these meetups/conventions, (B) I just don't know how to network (I went to one event when I was at uni and I didn't gain anything from it as I was awkward af and couldn't remember anyone's names) and (C) Money's so tight that I am struggling to afford to travel.

So idk what I am meant to do. I wish the world wasn't so based around connections and nepotism.

 

[Griever]

I constantly see videos on TikTok of people who have killed themselves and then I ask myself, if they killed themselves, why can they do it, but I can't?

 

[Forever Sleep]

I've been in a similar position. Going to job fairs, joining multiple job searching sites, applying direct to likely hundreds of jobs by now. The worst are the near misses. Attending interviews, doing skills tests. Hearing that they are really interested and you're in the final selection. Only to hear nothing or, be rejected.

Sadly, it doesn't sound like you can do much more than to keep on trying. It's good that you seem to be asking for feedback- what is it they're looking for that you don't have yet? I agree that the- 'We want experience but, we won't give you a chance' is so unfair.

My industry is pretty renown for paying badly or, not at all to begin with. It actually did us a weird favour running up to our graduation that a former student made a brief speech and warned us that we had a couple of very rough years ahead.

May I ask, is it literally all your friends doing superbly well? I'd imagine that's more rare. I actually think it's more normal to struggle more at the start. I also think that people tend to 'big up' their achievements on social media. Most especially, Linkedin. Are these peers of yours- with a Masters or, is this people who have been out of education for a while? Maybe it took them a while at the start. There is also the issue of appearing to be too over-qualified for a job. I think say a shop job employer will be wondering whether you will stay working for them for long. Have you been considering temporary contracts to build up some experience?

Have you looked into whether there is specific support for people with autism trying to enter employment? I did a quick Google search and, a few resources popped up for the UK. I imagine other countries also should provide resources.

I agree with other members though. Your tutors really ought to be able to advise when it comes to internships. The sorts of companies students go on to work for initially. Companies who may appreciate your skills specifically. You've been paying them for their expertise all this time- may as well try to use it.

I get it though. It's terrifying and exhausting and frustrating. Being freelance, it's a continuing issue for me. I'm tired of it too to be honest. I hope something comes along soon that is suitable and that accepts you.

 

[darksouls]

you should not compare yourself to other people
a successful career is no guarantee of happiness
there are more important things in life
such as health and love

 

[Kali_Yuga13]

The problem is that I've already lost 3 years. I had to take an extra year to do my A-levels and my Master's took an extra year. This is the third.

I've heard mixed things about LinkedIn but it doesn't seem to be working for me yet.

The problem is that (A) I don't know how to find these meetups/conventions, (B) I just don't know how to network (I went to one event when I was at uni and I didn't gain anything from it as I was awkward af and couldn't remember anyone's names) and (C) Money's so tight that I am struggling to afford to travel.

So idk what I am meant to do. I wish the world wasn't so based around connections and nepotism.

I see. I didn't go to regular college but my understanding is that just as important as the curriculum is that's it's a pace to forge life long relationships and connections. I did work right next to an ivy league campus near the post graduate dorm and got a lot of Master's students and I did notice many of them lacked basic social skills. That's not a dis, I think a lot of people hide behind academia for various reasons.

I went to a tech school for IT and the majority of us that didn't drop or fail out passed through networking. Class of 30+ dwindled down to 9 of us that teamed up. These type of schools use predatory loans and if you fail out you're still on the hook for the loan. I wasn't keen on losing my money so it forced me to be social.

By meetups I literally mean the site meetup dot com. I don't know your field of study or where you live but in urban areas there's meetups for almost anything or you can start your own.

What many people don't understand about the professional world is that you have to create a persona. It's like building a character where your resume becomes your origin story. Even an author that writes in solitude is required to pitch to publishers, do book signings and interviews. If you want a job where you barely interact with people, stocking shelves at a supermarket or factory work is better but might not pay the bills nor be fulfilling.

I did good in my professional career which I got off to a very late start in my late 20's. I do stand by Toastmaster's International as one of the best ways to accelerate social skills. It's a safe place where almost everyone probably starts out shy in one area or another.

There's games you can play to remember people's names. I usually take the first letter and attribute it to something visual in my mind. Chris = cat, David = dog, Bobby = banana, Julie = juice.

I know it can suck but people hire based on likeability just as much as talent. That's why depression becomes a fulfilling prophesy. Same with desperation, it's when you already have a job that the offers start to come at you.

Sorry if it sounds like I'm lecturing. I really do understand what it feels like to have the years tick off in 20's and not gaining any ground when it seems like everyone just intuitively finds there place with minimal effort. For me it was like the world was in on a big secret or I was just unfortunate because of my family, circumstances or personal issues.

I hope you pull through this...

 

[WatchmeBurn]

I see. I didn't go to regular college but my understanding is that just as important as the curriculum is that's it's a pace to forge life long relationships and connections. I did work right next to an ivy league campus near the post graduate dorm and got a lot of Master's students and I did notice many of them lacked basic social skills. That's not a dis, I think a lot of people hide behind academia for various reasons.

I went to a tech school for IT and the majority of us that didn't drop or fail out passed through networking. Class of 30+ dwindled down to 9 of us that teamed up. These type of schools use predatory loans and if you fail out you're still on the hook for the loan. I wasn't keen on losing my money so it forced me to be social.

By meetups I literally mean the site meetup dot com. I don't know your field of study or where you live but in urban areas there's meetups for almost anything or you can start your own.

What many people don't understand about the professional world is that you have to create a persona. It's like building a character where your resume becomes your origin story. Even an author that writes in solitude is required to pitch to publishers, do book signings and interviews. If you want a job where you barely interact with people, stocking shelves at a supermarket or factory work is better but might not pay the bills nor be fulfilling.

I did good in my professional career which I got off to a very late start in my late 20's. I do stand by Toastmaster's International as one of the best ways to accelerate social skills. It's a safe place where almost everyone probably starts out shy in one area or another.

There's games you can play to remember people's names. I usually take the first letter and attribute it to something visual in my mind. Chris = cat, David = dog, Bobby = banana, Julie = juice.

I know it can suck but people hire based on likeability just as much as talent. That's why depression becomes a fulfilling prophesy. Same with desperation, it's when you already have a job that the offers start to come at you.

Sorry if it sounds like I'm lecturing. I really do understand what it feels like to have the years tick off in 20's and not gaining any ground when it seems like everyone just intuitively finds there place with minimal effort. For me it was like the world was in on a big secret or I was just unfortunate because of my family, circumstances or personal issues.

I hope you pull through this...

"I didn't go to regular college but my understanding is that just as important as the curriculum is that's it's a pace to forge life long relationships and connections."


Yeah, that's the problem. My mental health was so bad that...I didn't forge these lifelong relationships and connections. What does that mean, that I just have no chance and that it's time to give up?

I'll look at the meetup.com website, thank you for that. I can't afford to travel into London much but I'll give it a go.

I don't know how to createa persona as my anxiety is so severe, but I can't get meaningful help for that anxiety because I'm medication resistant (tried 15 medications) and I can't afford therapy.

I just don't see any way forward now I blew my one chance at university.

you should not compare yourself to other people
a successful career is no guarantee of happiness
there are more important things in life
such as health and love

They only say "don't compare yourself to others" to people who are failing at life. All the most successful people are perfectionist and competitive, and I'm not interest in mediocrity. I am uninterested in anything other than success and impact.

 

[Kali_Yuga13]

Yeah, that's the problem. My mental health was so bad that...I didn't forge these lifelong relationships and connections. What does that mean, that I just have no chance and that it's time to give up?

It's a catch 22 huh?
Honestly I'm a little biased. I hate to see young people ctb but we are in the suicide section of the board and there's some etiquette about being "pro life". I don't think it's too late but I'm not you. I'm in favor of leaving no stone unturned if one is contemplating to ctb though. My thought process is "if you're going to eave anyway, what is there to lose?"

I don't know how to createa persona as my anxiety is so severe, but I can't get meaningful help for that anxiety because I'm medication resistant (tried 15 medications) and I can't afford therapy.

It's hard for me to say. I don't know your physical condition nor your history as to what's driving your anxiety like it there was abuse or anything. I'm a generation older than you where public discourse about having anxiety was nil. It was a rare thing thing hear. For certain types of people martial arts helps, for other's it's something more contemplative like fishing. I know that may sound over simplified. The thing with "therapy" is a lot of it's about breaking down a person and finding what's "wrong" and I think that many people need to be built up instead. I'm not a doctor but it sounds like you need more building up than tearing down.

I was put in dangerous situations as a child all the time including proximity to someone that ended up being a child murderer. My whole life has felt like I've been on the run. Despite that I was able to at least partially recover some normality for years long stretches. (I'm here for reasons other than my career for the most part).

They only say "don't compare yourself to others" to people who are failing at life.

Yeah that's so true. The only way that works is if everyone stops comparing and that will never happen. Comparison is how we gauge our progress in life. I mean it's not the be all, end all but it can't be thrown out the window either.