nezu.061
built for blame, laced with shame
- Jul 16, 2023
- 21
pretty self-explanatory. i can't hurt myself anymore.
not that there's anything actually stopping me physically—i have everything i could possibly need if i wanted to go far. but i don't. i'm not. i can't hurt myself anymore.
it's been too long since i've harmed myself properly. it's been a while since i've cut. i don't know how i've stopped, but i guess i was never really "reliant" on it. which is a little sad. cutting made me feel like i was on par with other people. like my depression wasn't lesser than other peoples. i'm too hesitant. i don't have the urge to swipe at my skin anymore. are my feelings less important now that i've lost the ability to even hurt myself? i don't know how to feel.
i feel more frustrated than anything. cutting wasn't even that bad. i've bared being burnt—and i can't even cut myself anymore. i'm too tired to deal with the pain. i'm too tired to even try to etch into my legs. i've grown too soft. i never wanted to be this way.
i'm not good at anything i like doing. i'm shit. people have said i'm shit. and now, i can't even prove that i'm hurting. i'm hurting and i'm weak and i'm too weak to bare the teensy pains of a few cuts. it only rubs salt into the wound. what the hell am i supposed to do, if i'm not doing anything at all? i'm not worth keeping alive if all i do is cry.
ctb isn't possibly an option for me. i just have to sit here and suffer. i loathe every single bit of it. nobody's able to help me. nobody wants to help me. this is my fault. after everything, i'm still more alone than ever because nobody gives a shit about how i feel or what i'm doing, because i really don't matter in the end. i don't know what i'm going on about. i'm just sad lmao fuck this.
not that there's anything actually stopping me physically—i have everything i could possibly need if i wanted to go far. but i don't. i'm not. i can't hurt myself anymore.
it's been too long since i've harmed myself properly. it's been a while since i've cut. i don't know how i've stopped, but i guess i was never really "reliant" on it. which is a little sad. cutting made me feel like i was on par with other people. like my depression wasn't lesser than other peoples. i'm too hesitant. i don't have the urge to swipe at my skin anymore. are my feelings less important now that i've lost the ability to even hurt myself? i don't know how to feel.
i feel more frustrated than anything. cutting wasn't even that bad. i've bared being burnt—and i can't even cut myself anymore. i'm too tired to deal with the pain. i'm too tired to even try to etch into my legs. i've grown too soft. i never wanted to be this way.
i'm not good at anything i like doing. i'm shit. people have said i'm shit. and now, i can't even prove that i'm hurting. i'm hurting and i'm weak and i'm too weak to bare the teensy pains of a few cuts. it only rubs salt into the wound. what the hell am i supposed to do, if i'm not doing anything at all? i'm not worth keeping alive if all i do is cry.
ctb isn't possibly an option for me. i just have to sit here and suffer. i loathe every single bit of it. nobody's able to help me. nobody wants to help me. this is my fault. after everything, i'm still more alone than ever because nobody gives a shit about how i feel or what i'm doing, because i really don't matter in the end. i don't know what i'm going on about. i'm just sad lmao fuck this.
