Venting i cant bear it anymore.

[peachchildtenshi]

i hate my life, everyday is just torture, i could never forgive myself for what I did and there is no way for me to go back in time.
for years, i cant go a single day blaming myself and hating myself, and it affects my daily life as a whole,
i feel like stabbing myself or jumping off but my si is so stupidly high and adaptable
i hope i die early, i just cant bear with living in this hellhole anymore.

 

[twinklywater]

I really hope you find peace. You deserve it.

 

[MissionSucksAssFul]

this probably won't help, but there is never a choice made that wasn't influenced by the past... to me this means we cannot really make choices and that instead of "free will" we have a perfect illusion of it which forces us to not only make the decision but also bear the guilt and blame for it even though it was practically unavoidable...

Edit: I proofread this and now I'm angry at reality again! Fuck you, Spacetime...

 

[FuneralCry]

I certainly understand that it really can be so horrible feeling trapped in an existence that you hate, of course there is no relief from suffering to be found in this world. But anyway I wish you the best and I hope that you eventually find the freedom that you are searching for.

 

[hellispink]

it is a sad heartbreaking life for a lot of us. This shit is heavy i need this weight off me

 

[onceinthefuturewas]

I can relate with the world being cruel and also daily suffering. However, I don't recommend dying - what if there is something better in the future?

 

[Forever Sleep]

I guess it's a cliche but have you apologized to the people you feel you wronged? Do you absolutely know that they are still suffering? This isn't my place to assume but sometimes I think we hang on to guilt because- while it's awful and it eats away at us (and we think it's what we deserve)- in other ways, it feels safer and more familar- rather than trying to make amends for what we've done wrong.

That's been my experience anyway. For me- it's mostly that I've been selfish and not kept in touch with people. People who weren't well and who I should have been there for- they were there for me... With the more time that went by- I just got more and more sure that they'd be annoyed with me when I did get back in touch- so I just let things slide. Eventually- they died- so- I have no way of making amends now.

Obviously- I don't know what you've done. I don't know if you can make amends for it. Still- I would have thought a genuine apology usually helps.

Whatever you decide though- I wish you all the best.