I can only blame myself.

[DivineSpark]

I have fucked up my life and myself, made some bad decisions in life.

 

[Seven Threads]

I have found that, in the vast majority of cases, blame tends to lie in an awful lot of places, very few of which were ever actually in a person's control.

May I ask what exactly you're blaming yourself for that brought you to this point?

 

[DivineSpark]

I have found that, in the vast majority of cases, blame tends to lie in an awful lot of places, very few of which were ever actually in a person's control.

May I ask what exactly you're blaming yourself for that brought you to this point?

I dont feel very comfortable talking about it....something unusual, something bizzare, something spiritual.

 

[deadbidaylight]

I think a lot of us feel guilty for the same things you're feeling. You're not alone in that category. I know it's easy to look back on those mistakes since hindsight is 20/20 and regret your choices, but those choices were the right ones when you made them. How were you to know that you'd look back on them with regret later in life?

For example, I messed around in highschool rather than focusing on my education. My social life and partying were way more important at that time. So in turn I didn't get a proper education and never graduated highschool. I never went to university (I did do a few college courses though since I could get in as a mature student) and I never pursued the career I really wanted because it was "too much work and too difficult".

I used to regret those choices but after a lot of self reflection, I try my best to not live in regret anymore. If I followed a different path, I wouldn't have what I have now. My life isn't perfect by any stretch- I'm living in poverty, I struggle to pay my bills a lot of the time, I wear crappy old clothes because I can't afford new ones, my car died and I can't afford another etc. BUT I have my partner and my daughter who I adore more than anything in life. If I didn't make those choices in the past, I wouldn't have met my partner or had my kid. And those two are far more valuable to me than anything I couldn't wished for before. A great career, fancy house and car, new clothes etc mean nothing to me compared to the family I've built.

My point is, we can choose to live in regret, or we can try our best to look at it as teachable moments and learning experiences. You followed the path you were supposed to in life. It can seem really bleak right now (my path was for a very long time as well), but that doesn't have to be forever. I obviously don't know your situation past what you choose to post here so I can only offer advice from my own personal experiences. But I'm here to say that things don't have to stay bleak forever.

If you want to vent or need someone to chat with, my dms are always open. My heart is with you.

 

[Nobody'sHero]

I dont feel very comfortable talking about it....something unusual, something bizzare, something spiritual.

Your soul isn't yours to barter with, to start...By that I mean that you can't really make deals/let anything in since it does not belong to you. Any deal/trade/invitation is null and void... You can always exercise free will to rebuke anything/anyone.

 

[MyChoiceAlone]

it really boils down to whether you get caught or not.