I think there is no black and white answer. There are grey areas. Some principles are more important than others.
There are several scenarios I think about and under which I will commit suicide. If my mom dies I plan to kill myself. I feel like this is a scenario where it is very likely that I won't be willed to continue living. My mom pays for my apartment and it is very likely I will have to leave it if when she dies. I will be under time pressure. I am unable to manage my household and part time college at the same time. It will be a huge decrease in my life quality and it is already horrendous.
There is one acquaintance who lives on welfare and has a lot of knowledge on housing programms for mentally ill people. To be honest the houses sound extremely shitty and I think I rather die than to move to such a house. The acquaintance has radicalized and supports hate crimes on the internet etc. I had to choose between my principles or my alternative option. I decided to stop the contact with him, I ghosted him and slightly insulted him prior to that for his online behavior. I did not fully burn bridges but I had to humiliate me to re-start the contact with him again. And I don't really plan to do that. I think I rather kill myself than to beg him for help.
Moreover I started to somewhat burn the bridges to my family. I won't beg the people who abused me to save my life.
There are only two friends who could potentially help me. However I don't want to burden them too much. The only thing I could imagine to ask them for is money for the SN. Though if I have no adress to order it to I am in big trouble.
Usually I am against the idea to burn bridges because I hate the feeling to be with one's back against the wall. Though I could not look me in my face in the mirror when I had contact to this guy. He also insulted minorities in our conversations. I felt disgust towards him but also towards myself because we texted for such a long time.
I will be full of misery and desperation when I will finally do it. I am against the idea that honor should play a major role in suicide. Though I won't humiliate myself and lose all of my dignity just to postpone it for some time. I think if everything fails I will lay my neck on the railway. The pain will be so extreme that any outway will be preferable over living.
There are several scenarios I think about and under which I will commit suicide. If my mom dies I plan to kill myself. I feel like this is a scenario where it is very likely that I won't be willed to continue living. My mom pays for my apartment and it is very likely I will have to leave it if when she dies. I will be under time pressure. I am unable to manage my household and part time college at the same time. It will be a huge decrease in my life quality and it is already horrendous.
There is one acquaintance who lives on welfare and has a lot of knowledge on housing programms for mentally ill people. To be honest the houses sound extremely shitty and I think I rather die than to move to such a house. The acquaintance has radicalized and supports hate crimes on the internet etc. I had to choose between my principles or my alternative option. I decided to stop the contact with him, I ghosted him and slightly insulted him prior to that for his online behavior. I did not fully burn bridges but I had to humiliate me to re-start the contact with him again. And I don't really plan to do that. I think I rather kill myself than to beg him for help.
Moreover I started to somewhat burn the bridges to my family. I won't beg the people who abused me to save my life.
There are only two friends who could potentially help me. However I don't want to burden them too much. The only thing I could imagine to ask them for is money for the SN. Though if I have no adress to order it to I am in big trouble.
Usually I am against the idea to burn bridges because I hate the feeling to be with one's back against the wall. Though I could not look me in my face in the mirror when I had contact to this guy. He also insulted minorities in our conversations. I felt disgust towards him but also towards myself because we texted for such a long time.
I will be full of misery and desperation when I will finally do it. I am against the idea that honor should play a major role in suicide. Though I won't humiliate myself and lose all of my dignity just to postpone it for some time. I think if everything fails I will lay my neck on the railway. The pain will be so extreme that any outway will be preferable over living.
