Help I am in so much pain and confusion. I need a way out, I beg. (US)

[infinite14]

Hello everyone, I have been in an insufferable amount of pain and mental anguish for the past 3 years due to my mental illness and other factors. I have been hospitalized countless times and each time my condition worsened and I felt more trapped. I am hopeless now.

I am a long time lurker on this site for over a year and a half now, although I believe my account is only maybe 5 months old (I don't know how to check) and yes this is my first post sadly (I haven't had the mental power to post until now because of how desperate I am to end this pain).

I am desperate for a way out of this pain and fear of being hospitalized again.

If any kind soul can reach out to me with a source for SN or butanediol (US) I would be eternally grateful, I am begging.

I apologize in advance if this sort of post is not allowed, I am genuinely not sure.

 

[FuneralCry]

It really sounds like you've suffered so much in this cruel existence, I hope you find peace eventually, best wishes.

 

[badtothebone]

Hello everyone, I have been in an insufferable amount of pain and mental anguish for the past 3 years due to my mental illness and other factors. I have been hospitalized countless times and each time my condition worsened and I felt more trapped. I am hopeless now.

I am a long time lurker on this site for over a year and a half now, although I believe my account is only maybe 5 months old (I don't know how to check) and yes this is my first post sadly (I haven't had the mental power to post until now because of how desperate I am to end this pain).

I am desperate for a way out of this pain and fear of being hospitalized again.

If any kind soul can reach out to me with a source for SN or butanediol (US) I would be eternally grateful, I am begging.

I apologize in advance if this sort of post is not allowed, I am genuinely not sure.

Life is tuff! Do you have support system? Maybe psychiatric that can adjust your meds? Sorry you're dealing with this illness! I'm praying for you

 

[BlackCatCrossing]

I wish I could go out with you but you never know when you will receive the touch of love that helps you hang on another day

 

[nibbleone]

this.

 

[let.me.let.go87]

Guys the ones saying psych meds adjustments. As someone who has lived in state hospitals and been on all that stuff I feel OPs pain and this makes me wanna cry. The years and years of meds and restraints and shit the life I can never live because I was in those hellholes…. Those places will steal your life man

 

[feelinggloomy]

Im sorry for your pain. My son suffered too and it was awful to watch. I hope you find peace

 

[mrtime87]

We can't really make suggestions but I can feel your pain.