How to meet people with my interests IRL?

[msds]

I am autistic, which makes it very hard for me to bond with people who don't share my interests (computer programming, computing history, networking, servers, and some other hobbies)
I also have avoidant personality disorder, which makes interacting with people I don't know terrifying, and BPD, which makes all sorts of things happen.
I am also extremely paranoid when it comes to technology. I don't have any social media except some forum accounts, email, and a Matrix chat account.

With these 3 factors, it seems that it is impossible for me to meet people. I've tried meeting people online, and have some online friends, but I don't get the same things out of an online friendship as I do out of actually being with someone IRL and doing something together. I love and appreciate my online friends, but want to supplement that with IRL friends as well. I have no idea where in my area I'd go to meet people like this, and it doesn't help that I find a lot people in adjacent fields to my interests to be insufferable, and interacting with them to be draining and exhausting.

I have a couple IRL friends, and I've briefly brought this predicament up with them, and they're both all out of ideas. I've tried everything that we've been able to think of, here are some of the ideas I've tried:

• Joining a local maker space - Nobody there works on computer stuff, except one guy who is not nice to me and I dislike
• Going to bars - I hate bars. They are loud and unpleasant, and I feel like they attract precisely the opposite kind of people that I am trying to meet.
• Public library - I love my local library. But it seems I'm the only one, I'm usually pretty much the only one there, and even if I'm not I'd feel bad trying to make conversation with someone because I'd feel like I was interrupting them. (that is a recurring pattern, at any establishment I cannot talk to people because I assume I'd be interrupting them)

I've been extremely lonely for the last 5 years of my life, and I feel like if I could fix that, I could actually have a chance at recovery. It just seems that there are no places where I can meet people today, I don't know where all the people are... part of me assumes that all the people I could be friends with are just in their houses rotting in bed all day like I am. I just turned 23 years old, and I live on a university campus... Where are all the people? I was always promised this would be the part of my life where I meet new friends and go on dates, but I've spent the last 5 years completely alone. Does anyone have any ideas?? Or if anyone is in Arizona and interested in these things would you want to chat?

 

[junctionbox]

do you think your irl friends might be able to help you start a club or something? so many young adults are longing for community rn and there's a loneliness epidemic so i really don't think you're alone in this (he he). meeting people can be really hard but it can also be surprisingly easy if the right person comes along. doesn't have to be a soulmate either, just having a pal to do something with can be very fulfilling. =) i wish you good luck and don't give up. loneliness is a horrible feeling but it is so so common. i try to remember that the earth is overpopulated so there's bound to be someone for everyone, and that i could run into a new friend anytime if i just keep my eyes open.

 

[msds]

do you think your irl friends might be able to help you start a club or something? so many young adults are longing for community rn and there's a loneliness epidemic so i really don't think you're alone in this (he he). meeting people can be really hard but it can also be surprisingly easy if the right person comes along. doesn't have to be a soulmate either, just having a pal to do something with can be very fulfilling. =) i wish you good luck and don't give up. loneliness is a horrible feeling but it is so so common. i try to remember that the earth is overpopulated so there's bound to be someone for everyone, and that i could run into a new friend anytime if i just keep my eyes open.

I've tried joining and starting clubs, there are no clubs directly related to my interests where I am, and the ones that are somewhat adjacent, I have trouble connecting with the people in them. I tried starting a club but nobody showed up.

Those were university-affiliated clubs, though. I'm not sure how I would find local clubs. There are ham groups here but I'm not sure how to get involved without Facebook, and I am morally and ethically against algorithmic social media and feel absolutely violated even going on it at all, so I don't want to. I could probably connect with hams, they're super nerdy.

Also, I'm not even looking to date right now, I just want friends. I would want to date after some recovery.


I guess I kinda feel like social media is absolutely necessary if I want to participate in society. But I think I'd feel even worse if I was on it. Scratch that, I know I'd feel worse if I was on it, because I was and then I got off. It's barely even "social" at all and just made me feel awful. I think that's why my club failed. We handed out paper flyers and stuff and put ourselves on the university website, instead of making a TikTok account or whatever.

 

[yvjayvja]

I am autistic, which makes it very hard for me to bond with people who don't share my interests (computer programming, computing history, networking, servers, and some other hobbies)
I also have avoidant personality disorder, which makes interacting with people I don't know terrifying, and BPD, which makes all sorts of things happen.
I am also extremely paranoid when it comes to technology. I don't have any social media except some forum accounts, email, and a Matrix chat account.

With these 3 factors, it seems that it is impossible for me to meet people. I've tried meeting people online, and have some online friends, but I don't get the same things out of an online friendship as I do out of actually being with someone IRL and doing something together. I love and appreciate my online friends, but want to supplement that with IRL friends as well. I have no idea where in my area I'd go to meet people like this, and it doesn't help that I find a lot people in adjacent fields to my interests to be insufferable, and interacting with them to be draining and exhausting.

I have a couple IRL friends, and I've briefly brought this predicament up with them, and they're both all out of ideas. I've tried everything that we've been able to think of, here are some of the ideas I've tried:

• Joining a local maker space - Nobody there works on computer stuff, except one guy who is not nice to me and I dislike
• Going to bars - I hate bars. They are loud and unpleasant, and I feel like they attract precisely the opposite kind of people that I am trying to meet.
• Public library - I love my local library. But it seems I'm the only one, I'm usually pretty much the only one there, and even if I'm not I'd feel bad trying to make conversation with someone because I'd feel like I was interrupting them. (that is a recurring pattern, at any establishment I cannot talk to people because I assume I'd be interrupting them)

I've been extremely lonely for the last 5 years of my life, and I feel like if I could fix that, I could actually have a chance at recovery. It just seems that there are no places where I can meet people today, I don't know where all the people are... part of me assumes that all the people I could be friends with are just in their houses rotting in bed all day like I am. I just turned 23 years old, and I live on a university campus... Where are all the people? I was always promised this would be the part of my life where I meet new friends and go on dates, but I've spent the last 5 years completely alone. Does anyone have any ideas?? Or if anyone is in Arizona and interested in these things would you want to chat?

Hello! I'm a fellow programmer(the vibe coding type) however still somewhat a programmer and I would heavily recommend hackathons, just the environment for me is so fun. I like you know the 3am vibes and everyone is pretty chill, theres free food!, fun events(I love karoke), and like just in general really fun! I would heavily recommend going to a overnight one near where ever you live.

 

[msds]

Hello! I'm a fellow programmer(the vibe coding type) however still somewhat a programmer and I would heavily recommend hackathons, just the environment for me is so fun. I like you know the 3am vibes and everyone is pretty chill, theres free food!, fun events(I love karoke), and like just in general really fun! I would heavily recommend going to a overnight one near where ever you live.

The ones I have been to have been fun, but unfortunately that was back in high school where I was living in a much larger town, there aren't any hosted in the place I live in now that I have been able to find unfortunately.

At one point, I set up one myself for my high school, but I worry if I do that again now, nobody will show up, just like the failure of the club my friend and I tried to start :(
I might still make it though, just because making that kind of thing is quite fun for me.

 

[yvjayvja]

The ones I have been to have been fun, but unfortunately that was back in high school where I was living in a much larger town, there aren't any hosted in the place I live in now that I have been able to find unfortunately.

At one point, I set up one myself for my high school, but I worry if I do that again now, nobody will show up, just like the failure of the club my friend and I tried to start :(
I might still make it though, just because making that kind of thing is quite fun for me.

Hmm yeah unfortunately thats the flaw with Hackathons, what about ones with travel reimbursment? Ik treehacks and nexhacks or wtv does it, like the big hackathons, they don't always cover everything but a good portion of it! Making your own hackathon's are also very fun and I feel like even just 20-30 people showing up is worth it! Check out resources like hack club/MLH

 

[msds]

Hmm yeah unfortunately thats the flaw with Hackathons, what about ones with travel reimbursment? Ik treehacks and nexhacks or wtv does it, like the big hackathons, they don't always cover everything but a good portion of it! Making your own hackathon's are also very fun and I feel like even just 20-30 people showing up is worth it! Check out resources like hack club/MLH

At that point it's more of a vacation, I'm wanting to meet people locally :/

 

[EternalShore]

Sorries, I have this same issue and hate it so much too~ >_< I tend to find myself buried in the most specific possible niche of my interests, making it so difficult to talk to people~ >_< I hope you're able to find someone to talk to~ :(

Not knowing much about this stuff, how about a convention? :) I know that many people who work at BestBuy really like computers, altho idk if this is just the people I've talked to there and how much they truly do outside of their jobs~

 

[msds]

Sorries, I have this same issue and hate it so much too~ >_< I tend to find myself buried in the most specific possible niche of my interests, making it so difficult to talk to people~ >_< I hope you're able to find someone to talk to~ :(

Not knowing much about this stuff, how about a convention? :) I know that many people who work at BestBuy really like computers, altho idk if this is just the people I've talked to there and how much they truly do outside of their jobs~

Yeah, it's the niche that makes it hard. There are conventions/hackathons which is what yvjayvja was saying, however none locally unfortunately, so no route to meeting people in my town.

As for places like best buy, most people who are "into computers" mean that they built a PC to play video games on. Which is not really what I am interested in, as that is basically just expensive legos, out of my price range and very simple with the end-goal to play video games. All well and good if I wanted to play video games, but that's not really what I'm into unfortunately. It seems I'd be able to make a lot more friends if I was into gaming, but I've tried and just can't get into it. My interest is more so tinkering with the computers at a low level.