How old were you when you had your first suicidal thoughts?

[aloneintheworld]

I am just curious how old others were and how long others have been suffering. I was 11 the first time I wanted to kill myself likely younger when I felt suicidal but didn't know what that was necessarily to really have suicidal ideation besides the notion of I want a different life or I wish I was dead which probably started around kindergarten. I've been suffering for over 13 years with this waiting for a change for it to get better but no such luck. Wondering what others experiences have been. Have you been suicidal for a long time or only recently?

 

[C14]

Started being suicidal at age 16.

 

[ArtsyDrawer]

Probably around school age, but it stopped for a while because people learned to either shut the fuck up or found a new thing to laugh at.
There were pauses.
The military made me understand what these thoughts are. Epilepsy made me take these thoughts more seriously.

 

[Reyki6667]

11.

 

[Blue Moon]

I haven't thought about it for a long time, but I remember I started fantasizing about dying when I was around 10 years old. I think I was severely depressed starting around age 8 or so. In hindsight I can't believe no one noticed the signs and tried to help me.

I had some bright spots between then and now so I can't say I've been severely depressed for my entire life but certainly the majority of it.

 

[NitriteAnatomy]

23, but toyed with the idea since about 13.

 

[BPD_LE]

I wanted to die aged about 8 but don't think I understood the concept of suicide. Instead I prayed to God to kill me in my sleep.

 

[Soul]

Apparently I was suicidal by the time I was 2 weeks old: I was puking everything I was fed, which is about the only way an infant has to get the hell out.

 

[BPD_LE]

Apparently I was suicidal by the time I was 2 weeks old: I was puking everything I was fed, which is about the only was an infant has to get the hell out.

I was breached at birth, they had to drag me out! Lol.

 

[aloneintheworld]

I was breached at birth, they had to drag me out! Lol.

I wonder if having a traumatic birth sets one up for mental health issues along with physical health issues down the road. I was a late baby and apparently my birth was very traumatic they wanted to do a c section and it was protocol but the delivery doctor felt experienced enough to go with a normal birth because my mom didn't want a c section. Then 4 days later I was coughing up blood and was taken back to the hospital but since I was already out in the world I couldn't be with the babies I was in the regular area of the hospital. Ironically enough nothing ever got solved with why I coughed up blood as my parents felt I was too young to do tests. It never got solved and coughing up blood is still an issue as I have gone through phases coughing up blood several times throughout my life with no real explanation or solution

 

[Mizzmini45]

13

 

[WaitingAround2Die]

This is my first post.

I don't recall having any suicidal thoughts as a child.

I think the first time was when a relationship broke down at university and I got depressed - I was 20.

Now I'm middle-aged and it's been every day for the last 100 days...

 

[DeepSleep]

First thoughts started to pop up at about 8.

I've somehow figured out early that it's just meaningless. You grow. You work. You die.
At 12 I've become more active, asking my friends where can I get a poison or collecting mercury from thermometers and storing it secretly in a vial.
Been collecting bits and pieces from books (it was before the Internet and wiki) about how hanging works or how much time it takes to bleed to death etc.

So yeah, it seems that 8 years of age is a turning point for a lot of individuals.

 

[JohnUK]

About 20 years old myself

 

[Lotus1818]

It's kinda hard for me to guess. I think about being happy at 20. But I wasn't really content with living. And then I look more back and back in life. Perhaps it was when I was 15. It's too hard to say

 

[SugarbushMtn]

18.

 

[ImSorryEmma]

Im not exactly sure, i suggest I started having serious thoughts about 15 or 16

 

[samsrt96]

About 18-19, and I've had them ever since, I'm 22 now. There was a nice 8 month 'distraction' when I was in a relationship, but that felt like a dream and once it ended I came crashing back down to reality, and now the thoughts are more extreme than ever. Would never take my life this month as it would likely ruin every future Christmas for my family, but I'm hoping to have the courage in January or February.

 

[TearyEyedQueen]

I was 11/12. Not one goddamn year without them since.

 

[Oppenheimer]

I was about 10 or 12. Thinking about jumping from a building. Was a pile of anxiety as far as I can remember. The tough never left my mind, but from the last year to now it´s really turning into a solid intent.

 

[my heart hurts]

3rd grade so 8 or 9 i think

 

[Shakespear's Brother]

~11

 

[freefrommybody]

Somewhere between 6-8. I recall my mother telling me that there were people with something wrong with them, who didn't want to live. She explained like I wasn't even familiar with the term suicidal, but I was already one of those people.

All of these other comments confirm for me that depression and non-obliviousness in children are much more common than most people want to acknowledge.

 

[agreement]

14

 

[Mizzmini45]

The emotional eating started at 6. The suicide ideation started at 13

About 18-19, and I've had them ever since, I'm 22 now. There was a nice 8 month 'distraction' when I was in a relationship, but that felt like a dream and once it ended I came crashing back down to reality, and now the thoughts are more extreme than ever. Would never take my life this month as it would likely ruin every future Christmas for my family, but I'm hoping to have the courage in January or February.

I know that dream feeling . It's a great distraction

 

[Moonicide]

14, but it got worse in my 20s. Completely started deteriorating after that.

 

[SugarbushMtn]

Funny that suicide is a decades long process and most who do not live in this world think it is a sudden impulsive decision made after some type of short term event. On and off for me for 35 years.

 

[Morphinekiss]

8. I stepped into traffic because I hated people and didn't want to be around anyone. I guess that counts.
My first od was at 13, 6 months after my older brother ctb.

 

[Mizzmini45]

Funny that suicide is a decades long process and most who do not live in this world think it is a sudden impulsive decision made after some type of short term event. On and off for me for 35 years.

Oh god is it really like this?! I can't deal with this my whole life. I'm out asap

 

[Brick In The Wall]

Early teens I'd guess. 3 attempts since then. If and when the 4th attempt happens it'll be my last because I'll make sure this time.