Discussion How old are you and how long have you been depressed or suicidal?

[Al.ce]

I think I started spiraling into depression around 14 and by the age of 16, I started having suicidal thoughts but it was more suicide ideation. Made my first attempt at 18 and the second one 2 months ago right before turning 20. However, I don't think I'm depressed anymore, just tired of being forced to live

 

[enough of this]

I'm 73. (Anyone else here close to that?) And I guess I've been depressed all my life. There's no way to know. This is the only way I've ever felt.
With all my physical problems, age-related and medical-malpractice related, and with what's going on in the world these days, I just don't see any point in hanging around.

There was a time when I, at least, believed I had true freedom. But now, there isn't even the freedom of privacy. Big Brother is watching from everywhere.
I'm tired of living in a world run by criminal psychopaths and their many destructive evil deeds. So, even if I could fix my conditions and injuries, this is hardly a place I would want to come back to after I CTB. I'm so sick of this.

 

[Red.one]

It started when i was 12 yo, first try 18yo.

 

[beige_wasteland]

I am 48, been depressed on and off most of my life but things have gotten steadily worse over the past 10 years. I have never actually attempted suicide, too afraid of it either not working and winding up being even worse off (paralyzed, brain damage, etc), as well as having a fear that death/afterlife will be either the same or worse than life.

 

[idontknowwhatodo]

18. Started NSSI at 8, became actually suicidal at 10, first hospitalization at 12.

 

[mitsurumors]

I'm 33, going to be 34 at the end of the year
My mental health issues started almost 30 years ago; my suicidal thoughts 26 years ago; my first attempt 24 years ago
People always say it gets better, but I wish them to look at these numbers and tell me: how? when?
The only time I wasn't suicidal was 2013-2015, but since 2015 it's getting worse and worse
I always look back and want to achieve what I had back then, but it seems impossible

My therapist laid me off two weeks ago, saying I won't get a continuation for therapy probably because I haven't made enough progress therapy-wise; though I can re-start Intervention therapy in 6months. Maybe I have had surgery until then

I'm not sure what else to say, I've experienced so much, you could make a book and/or religion out of this lol

 

[IndyAna]

I'm 23. my first suicidal thoughts started creeping in around 5-6 yo, thanks to my wonderful family. I'm heavily depressed, with failed attempts and hospitalisations since I was in high school.

 

[Rocinante]

24. Around 9 or 10. I realized I'd rather be dead than get beaten and yelled at every day
My reasons for wanting to CTB have changed since then.

 

[Yuta32]

Tengo 23 años y he estado lidiando con ansiedad toda mi vida y depresión durante aproximadamente 8 meses, con pensamientos suicidas durante los últimos 2 meses, creo. Pero durante la mayor parte de mi vida, no estuve necesariamente triste, supongo, pero no tenía un propósito o una razón para vivir. Simplemente existía, viviendo el día a día sin un rumbo que me molestara, pero que tampoco me motivara. Luego llegó ella y todo cambió. Pero después de que ella se fue, me quedé sintiéndome igual que antes, solo que ahora con ansiedad y depresión por todo lo que me di cuenta sobre mí y todo lo que sucedió con ella.

 

[Strawberry_Clouds]

I feel like I've been suffering forever, just want to talk to people in the same state as me
How old are you, where are you from, or just say what you want about your experiences.

I'm 18 and I've been struggling for about a 8 years now, I haven't gotten treated for it, I've almost killed myself a few times but I've never gone through with it

 

[iLikeFrogs]

It's a tricky question for me, bc (I'm 18) I would normally say that 6 years already, but I tried to commit for the first time when I was 5 (also I don't remember much from my childhood bc post traumatic amnesia, so I can't say if I was depressed back then or not)

 

[Parasitic]

(23 now) When I started to fully understand the world at age 14 and was like damn what is the actual point in living but from as long as a I could remember I was saying I wish I was never born and having violent outbursts against myself (never once someone else)

 

[Krieger]

I'm 20 and have been suicidal on and off since I was 10. I'm not suicidal currently but definitely was when I made my account here...

 

[KrowaKovsky]

20, depressed since 8, ideation and attempts starting at 11 - 12.

I tried seeking therapy and got through 4 or 5 therapists before I realized it just isn't for me. Even with the last 2 really good and nice therapists at the end the first 3 terrible ones (e.g. telling me assaults/abuse was my fault) it left me with a whole lot of mistrust and just simply couldn't continue sessions.

 

[vitbar]

Early 30s. Depressed on and off since 12. I have recollection of my parents talking about me having sad periods earlier. Unsure.

 

[NoLongerHuman.]

18, my first attempt to ctb was actually around when i was 6-8 im ashamed to say.

 

[BougainvilleaBlooms]

21, I started feeling depressed at 8 and suicidal at 12. I had a late diagnosis of autism few months ago. School had a profound impact on my life and the scars from it are still here.

 

[mafuyu]

doing age range to stay as anon as possible, so 20-25. been depressed since i was 9 years old. got dx at 11 years old bc i was cutting myself. kinda made it obvious to school staff so yeah, and my parents got income for disability or something. so that's why they took me. they abused me they did not care lmao. in fact they told me multiple times to cut deeper and kms.

 

[Fe(IV)]

27 now. Depressed since 14.

Suicidal? Since 2020 when I bought BDO (for fun) and it stares back at me from my kitchen cabinets.

Got rejected by a girl that liked me in highschool. I've had my ups and downs but I've never been the same since.

Covid isolation FUCKED with me.

 

[beggarsbelief]

21. I've been depressed for as ong as I can remember, my Mum thankfully really tried to help me in any way she knew how, I started seeing a psychologist when I was around 5 or so? But she also got me seeing a psychiatrist and that made me a LOT worse, I had some really bad psychotic episodes at around age 14, the closest I've come to killing myself for real was while I was medicated (not medicated anymore though) and just generally it made my mental and physical health a lot worse and was honestly one of the most traumatic thngs in my life. I think I first tried to ctb at age 9 or so but it wasn't very serious. My brother, who was SUPER unstable and abusive, did something, can't remember what, that pushed me over the edge and I just grabbed a shoelace and wrapped it around my neck, thinking if I held on for long enough I would die instantly. Sadly didn't. I remember getting really lightheaded until I was too weak to hold on anymore and wearing a turtleneck i owned to hide the mark, but also feeling really happy that I'd tried it.

 

[RedHates]

I'm 19 and I've been a little messed up since I was 11. April 30th, 2015, was the exact date my life turned to shit, when that safe childhood bubble popped. I been seriously suicidal for a few months, though I have had the odd thought every bit for 8 years. I wonder what life would be like if that day never happened.

 

[missinginactions]

I'm 24 now, but I've been suicidal since I was 10

 

[squand]

I'm 51 and had a healthy life until a couple of years ago, when I took a life´changing career decision, that hasn't gone as planned. Been very depressed and anxious since

 

[RedSpiderLily]

I'm 26yo, 27 at the end of July. I've been dealing with depressive thoughts since my teenaged years and have, on and off, since my late teens/early 20s, dealt with the contemplation of suicide. For me a lot of it stems from having an abusive Mother-in-LAw that I had to live with for several years and being born dirt ass poor and not being able to get out of this hole and into better living conditions no matter how hard I try. Couldn't even afford to CTB the few times I was full on ready to go through with it due to anything painless and reliable being far out of my reach. While I've gotten better mentally a few times, I can honestly say that I personally still see the appeal of CTB even then as my life is unfortunately an endless loop and I know the next bout of bullshit is right around the next corner.

 

[Moonomyth]

I am over 40 years old. I had my first bout of acute suicidality in high school after a combination of failing grades, disastrous social embarrassments that felt insurmountable, and the beginnings of chronic depression. It was not yet severe enough, and I had a strong enough support structure, that I was able to check myself and see a therapist, which helped for some time.

My adulthood has been marked by suicides and suicide attempts. An ex-girlfriend attempted an overdose on OTC medication when we first broke up, and had to be hospitalized. A neighbor threw herself off the roof of a twelve-story building when she was about to be evicted. A roommate overdosed successfully on narcotics to escape working in the natural gas industry. It's part of the background radiation of my life.

 

[helicoptero]

I'm 22. I've had mental health problems and suicidal thoughts since 11-12 years old. They never completely left ever since. Got worse at 16. Now I'm at my lowest.

 

[Stripe19]

19, Been suicidal since 3rd grade but don't know the exact date or age. Life has been a constant of me seeking support, but never finding it, and trying to prevent that kinda feeling from getting to others. I have learned that trust is a luxury extremely rarely spent, This world is predisposed to endless and insatiable greed, and no good deed goes unpunished.
That all said, i still refuse to be part of the problem, i would gladly rather risk being betrayed again than leaving someone to be all alone, and the times it has been rewarded is the only reason im still breathing

 

[redredpepper]

i'm 18 now and i'm pretty sure suicidal thoughts, in some way or another, have always been part of my life. it started with "wanting to be gone for a bit", "falling asleep just for a few weeks". the first time i really considered doing it i was 12 yrs old. i feel like it's always been a part of me.

 

[SpaceEngineer]

I'm 21 now and only really became a major problem when I was 16/17.

 

[thereisnomeaning]

I'm currently 23, and felt different since forever, but depressed and suicidal from age 8-10