Discussion How old are you and how long have you been depressed or suicidal?

[thgilrats]

I am 18 and it has been around five years since I am suicidal. I am pretty sure I had had a medium depression since 13, including, of course, SH, thoughts abt ending it all, etc, but I don't know when it ended. I've never been diagnosed with depression though, due to my fear of my parents judgement, but in December I was diagnosed with anxiety.

 

[lampe]

I am 30 years old, suffering from suicidal thoughts since i was around 13 years old, my depression got worse the last month when i lost my job and my relatioship even tho its now possible to handle this situation for me, I dont feel sad, lonely or so its more like that suicide is the only option that makes sense in some way i am not even distressed or so. it just feels like the that my suicide is the lifes plan and that i have to go this path somehow, I have read some pages in the peacfull pill handbook to just get some options which are mostly peacefull. I dont know

 

[[redacted]]

I'm 25 yo now. I think i've considered suicide since I'm 18, but at the beginning I wasn't completely suicidal.
I thought about suicide more like a possibility in the future. Like something might need to do or feel forced to do with time.

 

[That's Not Me]

I am 19 years old. Officially diagnosed at 11, but I have always felt out of place. I've thought about dying since I was about 7, but really thought about trying to take my life when I was 12. I went a few good years without thinking about it until last year.

 

[ggetout33]

I feel like I've been suffering forever, just want to talk to people in the same state as me
How old are you, where are you from, or just say what you want about your experiences.

I'm about to turn 22 and I've been depressed since I was about 13. Suicidal is a bit iffy, had ideations but no real attempts.

 

[jaxxon_sunn]

I am 21 and have been depressed since I can remember. Maybe 8-10. ED at 14; suicidal by 16. My whole life has been people looking down on me, calling me lazy; implying I'll never been good enough unless I snap out of it (my mental disorders) and get better somehow. They think I chose to be like this :/

 

[degenerateINFP]

Hey, so I'm 29... Been depressed since I was in the first grade, wrote my first suicidal poem in the third grade. I feel that the times definitely coming soon, although I have already died many years ago. Part of me is just watching as the passenger of my own body. Who I am today isn't really me, but broken pieces of everyone else mashed up together to fill the shell that I am.

 

[sleep4eternity]

I'm 26 and going to turn 27 in August of this year. I've been depressed and suicidal since I was 7...

Hey, so I'm 29... Been depressed since I was in the first grade, wrote my first suicidal poem in the third grade. I feel that the times definitely coming soon, although I have already died many years ago. Part of me is just watching as the passenger of my own body. Who I am today isn't really me, but broken pieces of everyone else mashed up together to fill the shell that I am.

I could 100% relate to you on this...

 

[InTheDarkAlone]

33, been depressed since I was a young kid.

 

[chloramine]

I'm 25 and I was 10 the first time I really clearly remember wanting to die. I'm not really sure when my mental health stuff started, but I've at least had anxiety or something like it all my life. It's hard to tell any exact point because I don't remember anything different.

 

[catsharkwolfgirl]

I am 21 now, I want to say the first time I felt I was depressed with the ability to understand what that meant was when I was in the sixth grade so roughly 10 years now, suicidal maybe 8-9 years

 

[MidnightCat]

I'm 31 now.

Time flies.. even when every hour is painstakingly slow.

I've been "special" since I was very little, I remember being 8 and thinking "My feelings seem to feel different compared to how other people feels".

I started self-harming at 13. Went to a "daycare center" at 14 because of depression, cuts and suicidal ideation.

Been on a kind of roller coaster since then, there's been more "calm" times than others, but I always go down to the same dark place.

This last 2 years have been the worst of my life. It's almost unbearable. And the worst thing is I have no real reasons for it.

At least.. I learned it was not depression alone. Quiet BPD is a shitshow.

I miss every day the feeling of self harming. But been clean for 7 years (tbh.. the only reason is because i cannot cut myself without my wife finding out..)


But... I need this to stop..

 

[crimsonpool]

im 19, not depressed but have been suicidal since i was about 11 so 8 years.

 

[FullCircle]

31, off and on since I was 20 or so. I've self harmed off and on since I was 15.

I'm 31 now.

Time flies.. even when every hour is painstakingly slow.

I've been "special" since I was very little, I remember being 8 and thinking "My feelings seem to feel different compared to how other people feels".

I started self-harming at 13. Went to a "daycare center" at 14 because of depression, cuts and suicidal ideation.

Been on a kind of roller coaster since then, there's been more "calm" times than others, but I always go down to the same dark place.

This last 2 years have been the worst of my life. It's almost unbearable. And the worst thing is I have no real reasons for it.

At least.. I learned it was not depression alone. Quiet BPD is a shitshow.

I miss every day the feeling of self harming. But been clean for 7 years (tbh.. the only reason is because i cannot cut myself without my wife finding out..)


But... I need this to stop..

I relate so much to this. I don't have BPD but I've struggled with self-harm since I was 15. If you ever need to talk to someone, just message me.

 

[neurotic]

I'm 19 and I've been depressed since I was 13. I've felt nothing but disgust for myself. I feel dirty and putrid constantly.

 

[hana0]

I'm 23, diagnosed at 13 and since then in a state of chronic anxiety and depression, with some ups and downs. I thought I'll get better as I get older but things just seem to be getting harder and more pointless

 

[Bassem]

Whenever I read threads or comments like this I get really hopeless, I'm 18 and I've been suicidal since I was 15 , seeing this many people struggle for 10+ years and not finding a solution for their problems for that long just makes me dreadful of what the future holds , I
might as well just end it now

 

[bittersea]

20 (from India) now and suicidal since i was 10. And its been on and off since then. I remember i had a very strong urge to ctb around 13-14 when something absolutely terrible happened. Now things are better but its always not for long. And ive never talked about it to anyone IRL. Dont trust anyone enough to understand me.

 

[Tired2000]

I am 22 years old. I have suffered with depression since I was 7 years old (the first time I attempted to CTB). I grew up in a physically abusive household and have been sexually assaulted various times throughout my life by both friends, family friends, and relatives. My first real attempt happened in high school where I tired to overdose on sleeping pills, but it failed and I panicked out and called the police. Fire department broke down my door (lived alone at the time) and brought me to the hospital. Didn't pump my stomach and sent me to a psych ward. Thought my life was gonna turn around, got a girlfriend, things were well for two years. Got into college and was about to graduate. Then she broke up with me and left me for her best guy friend while I was sick and in the hospital. Stole money from me. Wasn't able to graduate. We had talked about getting married and having kids and spending the rest of our lives together. What the hell am I supposed to do now? CTB is my only option here. I am tired of being knocked about by this shitty life and am exercising my right to leave this shitty existence. Planning to CTB by the end of the year, if I can ever get ahold of a solid SN supplier in the US.

 

[SomeDay!]

I'm 27 and I'm depressed for one and a half years now. I have been suicidal for almost 11 months.

 

[bear_trapped]

i'm 19 and i don't remember when the depression started but i started self harming at 11

 

[Kerock]

Im 20. Deppression and suicidal ideation started when I was like maybe 5ish? From shitty parents, to not performing well in school and being put into special ed during elementary and middle school because of a seizure and that i could be ADHD(never been medicated) and feeling pretty isolated. Got out of special ed in highschool, but didnt try in highschool because of shitty parents and household. COVID hit and forced to quarantine with my parents and older sister and my life goes downhill immediately, i start developing a severe porn addiction which made me emasculate myself 24/7. Go to community college and learn that I have high cholesterol on top of asthma, making it feel like my adulthood is gonna be plagued with health issues. My sister gets raped aswell as almost dying from anaphilatic shock and mentally scars her, she at first tried to hide it from my parents and only confided in me, but then she told our mom and my life gets even more downhill as my sister fights with my parents almost everyday while im stuck there to break it up. Go to India to visit our grandparents and my mom and dad gets into a massive fight between my aunt and grandma from my moms side which destroyed what was once a good and understanding relationship(I had to break that up aswell). Come back and Im forced to basically be a shrink for my sister, my dad constantly asks me if I loved him and whatever secrets my sister is hiding and why "she is so insane and crazy"(he doesent know that she was raped). Was going to join the military but my mom threatened me with suicide if i followed through. In the end i feel trapped by my own hypocritical sense of morals. The only SH is just me hitting myself on the head. Ive developed weird chest aches and rapid heart beats and im not sure if its anxiety or the cholesterol. Seeing a shrink made it worse because I opened up about my problems and was still in the same shitty situation, so im trying to become numb again. 90% of my life was living with my parents and the last 10% where I thought I could be free, i get slapped with more health issues and covid. So ive given up and close to flunking out of community college. I hope I dont become a NEET and just CTB.

 

[picapica]

I feel like I've been suffering forever, just want to talk to people in the same state as me
How old are you, where are you from, or just say what you want about your experiences.

20. Germany. SH for the first time when I was 12. Thought I was free between ages 16-18, got thrown back in by a trigger event. Been stuck again ever since. Hope fading. I dont even know who I am without this, I cant remember the time before.

 

[ahimsa]

I am 24 and been depressed pretty much since age 13

 

[stressedmess]

Hello from Canada

I'm 25, depressed since I was 4, suicidal since I was 8.

 

[imastain]

I'm 20. Have been suicidal since 12.

 

[Faded_in_Dreams]

I'm 22. depressed since I was 6 and suicidal between 14 and 20. filling fine now but I know they might comeback.

 

[one of the stars]

I'm 18 and I have depressed since I was 8, I can't afford medication or treatment and when I tried telling my mum she told me to stop acting like a white girl...the second time she took me to a pastor who prayed for me...lol it didn't work out

 

[bigcutecatto]

I'm 26 at the day of writing ^^

The first time I actively sought suicide was at 14 years old, self harm started at 12 or 13, I don't remember.
Been just waiting for death to come ever since, actively putting myself in harm's way because I don't want to "cause" my own death, I have had 20+ 'major' 'accidents' in my life, but so far I'm alive, for some reason!
Life is quite a silly little thing.

 

[IKnowIt'sOver]

27. Significant mental illness starting when I was 16 or so. Only became suicidal at 23, and because of physical rather than mental health concerns.

I've got a lot of resources at my disposal and a great family who would be devastated if I died. So often I tell myself I have to give everything I've got to making my life better and if I'm still miserable at 30 then I can end things in good (or at least better) conscience.