How many of you believe that this is your destiny?

[the_path_of_sorrows]

I don't remember what it feels like not to think that I'm destined to ctb after prolonged suffering. Happy endings are not for everyone.

 

[hikikomorizombie]

both. i used to think i was just being overdramatic & kinda corny, but nope!! life has constantly proven me right, time & time again. legit constantly worsening, w little to no relief. so i'm quitting the game & removing myself from the suffering before it piles on any more :)

i also don't remember what not feeling this way was like. i grew up w it & was surrounded by it, so it really does seem like it's always been this way.

 

[FuneralCry]

Death is the destiny no matter what, existing beings are just waiting around to die, they are slowly dying with every second being one second closer to the inevitable. I'd certainly prefer to die on my own terms of course, it's hellish how humans wish to make suicide inaccessible even know we are destined for nothing but to be eternally forgotten about anyway.

 

[itchygator]

The most that we are meant to be, the very most, is a last ditch effort made by our parents in hopes that "it would make things work out. But sadly some of us aren't even worth that much. Some are born for the sake of getting government assistance with groceries etc. I can't help but feel bad for some who believe that there is some "master plan".

 

[Lookingtoflyfree]

I knew this since grade school. I've experiences some great moments and some awful moments since, but now I know what i have to do. I also know that i have the clarity where it makes sense. There's no depression talking. This is reality, not cognitive dissonance.

The best part is relocating to a new location that is by the ocean and knowing I can just go in and die whenever I want.

 

[Abyssal]

Everything in my life lead to this moment. I have no free will.

 

[haibane]

As long as i can remember, i always wanted to ctb. I personally believe that theres no issue and that my « destiny » is and has always been to ctb

 

[Scythe]

I picked both, I believe it's my destiny to suffer, for CTB I chose it myself but I have no way to turn back. So still counts imo.

 

[Gonnerr]

Free will is an illusion , i hope ctb is my faith, dont want to grow old alone.

 

[ultrasharpy123456]

Oh it absolutely is my destiny. In fact really even if I did everything absolutely perfect and lived up to everyone's impossibly ridiculous standards I still would have to buy the shotgun and shoot myself simply because art is the only thing I know how to do! And getting art jobs is so so so hard!

 

[vivisectione]

Oh it absolutely is my destiny. In fact really even if I did everything absolutely perfect and lived up to everyone's impossibly ridiculous standards I still would have to buy the shotgun and shoot myself simply because art is the only thing I know how to do! And getting art jobs is so so so hard!

i hope this doesn't come out wrong but from the way you speak about "art being the only thing you know how to do" atleast feels to me...admirable in that i think its just. i don't know i have an appreciation for people that are creative and generative. like bringing about new things into the world. its amazing and i wish i could do that. and i loathe that being this way, an artful person is almost punished by society so i feel bitter and angry on ur behalf. again i hope this didnt come out wrong or patronizing, i sincerely admire it as i am unable to much of...anything really and if it did i apologize
i dont know where im going with this. i apologize.

anyways i am waiting it out so to speak. my goal is to gain enough money to ctb in a sure fire way that leaves me undisturbed. so no room for error. it is the only destiny i can see for myself. nothing else has worked out for me. i cannot live properly but my motivation rn is to minimize my suffering until i can reach my end on my own terms. this calms me.

 

[ultrasharpy123456]

i hope this doesn't come out wrong but from the way you speak about "art being the only thing you know how to do" atleast feels to me...admirable in that i think its just. i don't know i have an appreciation for people that are creative and generative. like bringing about new things into the world. its amazing and i wish i could do that. and i loathe that being this way, an artful person is almost punished by society so i feel bitter and angry on ur behalf. again i hope this didnt come out wrong or patronizing, i sincerely admire it as i am unable to much of...anything really and if it did i apologize
i dont know where im going with this. i apologize.

anyways i am waiting it out so to speak. my goal is to gain enough money to ctb in a sure fire way that leaves me undisturbed. so no room for error. it is the only destiny i can see for myself. nothing else has worked out for me. i cannot live properly but my motivation rn is to minimize my suffering until i can reach my end on my own terms. this calms me.

Thank you for that reply, it was very kind of you. But it's ok I mean I messed up my life so I did it to myself. And honestly these days I'm feeling more calm. I feel like if this really is my destiny then I did all I could have possibly have done. I have exhausted all other options, not to mention my body is failing me. I mean literally I feel like I am dying physically. I really need to go to a hospital. And the sad thing is I would like to continue living maybe if just for a little bit but I'm running out of time and alternatives. Anyways thanks for listening to me and sorry for the trauma dump.

 

[ijustwishtodie]

My destiny was to suffer in this world as soon as I was born with autism. As for ctb, I don't think that is my destiny because I'm pathetic to make it happen. However, no matter the efforts that pro life people make to make sure humans get immortality, I will still always be destined to die and that pleases me so much. I'm so happy that, despite me being an enemy to myself to bring about my death early, I will still inevitably die and pro life people nor the ultra rich billionaires can do shit about that

 

[Praestat_Mori]

Both of the above. After I failed in life I couldn't get anything to work again. There were always moments when I thought this could be the turn around but actually shortly after that I got hit hard by destiny destroying everything again. I often thought and still think why destiny fucks me this hard and doesn't let me recover, it's like a curse. Destiny asks for tribute = my death. There won't be any peace earlier. I still think that sometimes the more I try to resist the more I get fucked.

 

[rozeske]

I have come to terms with the fact that this might be my destiny after all.

 

[FluffyCat]

For how pro-choice this site claims to be, there sure is quite a lot of people believing that suicide is their destiny or that they are determined to suffer. I'm sorry but I just can't agree with that. Yeah, I didn't choose to be mentally ill but suicide is still my own, conscious choice, it is not something predetermined. I'm free to decide whether to CTB and to seek recovery again.

 

[trashhologram]

Both I guess. I tried to drown myself when I was 10 so I've been suffering pretty much my whole life. I've attempted suicide many times but have always failed. Usually they've been impulsive attempts, like "fuck this shit, I'm out" lol. I would love to recover and I'm trying this year. I think my only real option for recovery is microdosing psilocybin. I've tripped on shrooms before and it has helped me with my mental health a lot. I'm trying to get my hands into some dry shrooms asap so I can start my "treatment".

 

[pasho25000]

ever since i was little i was thinking of ctb

 

[drapperxyz]

It definitely feels like it, after all these years and so many failed attempts at trying to be happy it seems inevitable at this point

 

[Slow_Farewell]

Meant to live and suffer, but wanna stop playing that game so choosing CTB.
Am I meant to CTB? doubt it. We're all meant to die eventually yes. But to CTB, that decision is made by the few.

 

[Spades]

I don't believe in destiny or fate, life simply throws shit at you with little rhyme or reason. Sometimes you win big, and sometimes you don't. It's not super complicated, it just is what it is.

I was dealt a bad hand by being born with a brain that doesn't work as it should, it's done nothing but cause great pain and hardship throughout my life.

I'm unable to work, so therefore once I move out, I will be stuck in poverty and that is not an existence I see as worth living.

My decision to ctb was made by looking at how my life has been up to this point, and noticing the consistency of a downward trajectory that will likely continue despite my best efforts.

 

[leavingthesoultrap]

It certainly feels like it when even your childhood was not good and you only had few occasional breaks from misery in your life

 

[BlackMoon]

In a way yes. Regarding how the world is, and what I am, there was no hope nor way from start that I could have ended differently.