Help How to cope with wanting to die when you can't?

[DivineBreadEnjoyer]

I deeply want to ctb, it's all I can think of tho I can't, if I did I'd ruin the life of my mom, she'd probably ctb herself if I did and it would ruin my sisters life, no matter how I would do it I would ruin my mom's life even if she didn't ctb when I do, I can't do this to her
She's the most amazing mom, she's truly the best and her whole life was pure suffering, now she's starting to get better in life and I can't take that from her, she's the person that deserves happiness the most.

Tho I dont know how to keep living like this, nothing is fun, nothing makes me happy and If something makes me happy it's for such a short time and then I go back to feeling sad, empty and scared.
I can't even go out like a normal human, I'm too scared to do that

 

[NihilDoll]

I genuinely thing that "Do it for your mom" is one of the most valid reasons one could have to keep fighting.
And your love and respect for her is something so incredibly precious!

You mentioned that your mom, herself, went through a lot of suffering but it got better.
I'd say keep that close to heart. There is a chance things can get better, one way or another.
Someone who can speak so lovingly and caringly about others doesn't deserve to suffer like this.

And i sincerely hope that things turn around for you as well!
The bus comes when you call it. There is no time limit on that. So focus on the things in life that sadly are limited.
Focus on your incredibly beautiful love for your mom. Having a child that speaks so highly of you truly is a gift.

 

[DivineBreadEnjoyer]

I genuinely thing that "Do it for your mom" is one of the most valid reasons one could have to keep fighting.
And your love and respect for her is something so incredibly precious!

You mentioned that your mom, herself, went through a lot of suffering but it got better.
I'd say keep that close to heart. There is a chance things can get better, one way or another.
Someone who can speak so lovingly and caringly about others doesn't deserve to suffer like this.

And i sincerely hope that things turn around for you as well!
The bus comes when you call it. There is no time limit on that. So focus on the things in life that sadly are limited.
Focus on your incredibly beautiful love for your mom. Having a child that speaks so highly of you truly is a gift.

Thank you so much!!
I'm trying to get better in anyway possible and my mom supports me really really well, I just don't think it will work long-term as I just don't think I'm right in this world tho I try everything and thank you so much for that text, it really means a lot to me!!

 

[Kanau_Nano]

I won't ctb unless my parent is gone also. I was literally told by them they would ctb if I did. I wish I was never told that. I know how you feel. I wish I could just do it rn. At least we have family we love, and are loved by this much.

 

[NihilDoll]

I just don't think it will work long-term

And that's exactly what i meant with that your bus comes when you call it :)
If it doesn't work long term, so be it. You can call it whenever you need it.
But in the meantime, you have something genuinely beautiful you can try to cling to. A real chance.
And i'm certain you got this! One way or another!

 

[DivineBreadEnjoyer]

And that's exactly what i meant with that your bus comes when you call it :)
If it doesn't work long term, so be it. You can call it whenever you need it.
But in the meantime, you have something genuinely beautiful you can try to cling to. A real chance.
And i'm certain you got this! One way or another!

Thank you so much, you made my day!

I won't ctb unless my parent is gone also. I was literally told by them they would ctb if I did. I wish I was never told that. I know how you feel. I wish I could just do it rn. At least we have family we love, and are loved by this much.

Its really beautiful to be loved indeed, I just feel bad for my mom as I think I don't have the right to feel like this
My mom handled everything so well, despite being a single mom
She had the hardest childhood one can ever imagine, she still became the most amazing mom of all time!
That just makes me feel bad because again and and again I ask myself if I really have the right to like not want to live anymore

 

[MrsT-800]

I try... for my mom... I will do anything for her. She didn't try her hardest for nine months and more for me to toss the precious gift she gave me. But it is so difficult. I hesitate, to give this answer, but I drink. I drink, I smoke, I sleep, that is the best I can do, at least, to not be in my right mind. Sober, I read, I write, I sleep. Escape is better than dying, I think. But I try not to addict.

 

[DivineBreadEnjoyer]

I try... for my mom... I will do anything for her. She didn't try her hardest for nine months and more for me to toss the precious gift she gave me. But it is so difficult. I hesitate, to give this answer, but I drink. I drink, I smoke, I sleep, that is the best I can do, at least, to not be in my right mind. Sober, I read, I write, I sleep. Escape is better than dying, I think. But I try not to addict.

Awh man I hope you can get better soon, in case you need someone to talk to I'm here, wish u only the best :(

 

[MrsT-800]

I think about it a little more. Also, writing in the diary or journal helps. Crying helps, I feel release. I try to await the little things in the day that make life better. Every morning I look forward to my coffee and newspaper. I feel at my best in the morning. And in the evening, once it's nearer to sunset, I prefer to just hole up and cry freely... it's almost like a mourning process. I find comfort in watching the streetlamps come on, give me some nostalgic, bittersweet feeling, that feels like it reaches the sad and happy parts of me at once. Listening to music helps a lot too, finding things that touch the soul. Go on long walks...

Awh man I hope you can get better soon, in case you need someone to talk to I'm here, wish u only the best :(

You got this<3 it's likewise. (Sorry for the poor replies. Having drank already some.) We will get by. Not to be a serial optimist, but I'm at this feeling since over half my life, and keeping on, keeping on... I just know, the answer is, "I can't," so I make do with what I can. And better to seek comfort than pain.
You'll do well, you have a kind heart, I can tell. Your mom did a good job :)

 

[DivineBreadEnjoyer]

I think about it a little more. Also, writing in the diary or journal helps. Crying helps, I feel release. I try to await the little things in the day that make life better. Every morning I look forward to my coffee and newspaper. I feel at my best in the morning. And in the evening, once it's nearer to sunset, I prefer to just hole up and cry freely... it's almost like a mourning process. I find comfort in watching the streetlamps come on, give me some nostalgic, bittersweet feeling, that feels like it reaches the sad and happy parts of me at once. Listening to music helps a lot too, finding things that touch the soul. Go on long walks...

You got this<3 it's likewise. (Sorry for the poor replies. Having drank already some.) We will get by. Not to be a serial optimist, but I'm at this feeling since over half my life, and keeping on, keeping on... I just know, the answer is, "I can't," so I make do with what I can. And better to seek comfort than pain.
You'll do well, you have a kind heart, I can tell. Your mom did a good job :)

No worries mate your responses are great and I should definitely try those things!! Especially long walks, I should get more used to going out and I should find music I enjoy, I hope you have a nice evening and I hope things get easier for you mate

 

[Black wizard]

I have the same problem.

I cannot live, nor can I die. I just keep existing for my mom.

May I ask, have you told your family about how you feel?

 

[DivineBreadEnjoyer]

I have the same problem.

I cannot live, nor can I die. I just keep existing for my mom.

May I ask, have you told your family about how you feel?

My mom knows, I tell her almost everything about how I feel now, I didn't do that for a long time but when she somehow felt that I was gonna ctb I just didn't see the need to hide anything any longer

Wbu? Do your family knows about how you feel? And I'm sorry to hear that man, I wish I could give you advice but I can't as I don't know what to do

 

[Black wizard]

My mom knows, I tell her almost everything about how I feel now, I didn't do that for a long time but when she somehow felt that I was gonna ctb I just didn't see the need to hide anything any longer

Wbu? Do your family knows about how you feel? And I'm sorry to hear that man, I wish I could give you advice but I can't as I don't know what to do

For me nope, nobody knows.

 

[DivineBreadEnjoyer]

For me nope, nobody knows.

That must be hard, I don't know your situation but maybe it could be helpful if you talk to them

 

[Rogue_Gendarme]

"What do you do when you can't do nothing, but there's nothing you can do?"

"You do what you can."

 

[m3nhera]

"What do you do when you can't do nothing, but there's nothing you can do?"

"You do what you can."

Which is nothing

 

[Rogue_Gendarme]

Which is nothing

it's a boondocks reference

but idk if you could really cross out all alternatives if you can't do anything. just do what you want in the end if nothing can be done, is the point of the message; not strictly "nothing" if that makes sense