
antithesis
myriads
- Sep 9, 2025
- 22
Imposter syndrome connoisseur here.
How many reasons does one need? I always feel like it's not enough.
What are your reasons? Are they ever enough to justify ctb? Or do you focus on your feelings?
My list is this, but it never feels enough. I just feel apathetic.
But I always tell myself: Look, I'm a woman, I'm young and attractive, I could find any good guy or whatever! Get married, get my life together. I have very few friends but at least they're supportive! Free healthcare here and I live in a nice city! I have a pet cat who's adorable! My whole life's ahead of me!
So after these intrusive thoughts, I hesitate to ctb. Even though I am so mentally exhausted and have never felt any sparks in my heart.
How many reasons does one need? I always feel like it's not enough.
What are your reasons? Are they ever enough to justify ctb? Or do you focus on your feelings?
My list is this, but it never feels enough. I just feel apathetic.
- Abusive childhood (gaslighting, insults, beatings, humiliations, eating from the floor, no privacy, no room door, incestuous acts, etc)
- Depression, anxiety, trichotillomania and pica. Obviously, PTSD. Huge social anxiety. Probable ED but it does not show.
- Very toxic relationship partner choices in the past. Got raped a few times, surprisingly not traumatized by it much.
- Disabled, autistic woman, late diagnosed, suffered all my life because of it. Since diagnosis, I suffer from insomnia and terrible nightmares.
- School and work harassment all my life. No work atm. Huge work phobia anyway. Feel like a wasted potential.
But I always tell myself: Look, I'm a woman, I'm young and attractive, I could find any good guy or whatever! Get married, get my life together. I have very few friends but at least they're supportive! Free healthcare here and I live in a nice city! I have a pet cat who's adorable! My whole life's ahead of me!
So after these intrusive thoughts, I hesitate to ctb. Even though I am so mentally exhausted and have never felt any sparks in my heart.