How do you minimize survival instinct?

[waterrrrrrrrrbottel]

What have you guys tried to use to minimize survival instinct during attempts, or just during plain research? I'm always scared of death. I want to accept it wholeheartedly.

 

[Forveleth]

I just got to the point where I am comfortable with my choice to ctb. I know that death will lead to less suffering than if I stay alive and there's nothing scary about that. I don't care what may or may not come next, it can't be worse than where I'm at now. I guess I'm kind of at the cliché "nothing to lose" point.

As far as the actual instinct when performing your chosen method, lots of people use some sort of substance (alcohol, depressive drugs, etc) to force themselves to relax. I also recommend getting familiar with your method as much as you can. Review the steps and setup so that it's like a routine and you don't have to think about it. Make an attempt only when you're ready. Don't force it and don't be impulsive about it. It should be a calm, deliberate action.

 

[lita-lassi]

As far as the actual instinct when performing your chosen method, lots of people use some sort of substance (alcohol, depressive drugs, etc) to force themselves to relax. I also recommend getting familiar with your method as much as you can. Review the steps and setup so that it's like a routine and you don't have to think about it. Make an attempt only when you're ready. Don't force it and don't be impulsive about it. It should be a calm, deliberate action.

this. mostly the planning, familiarity amd determination. alcohol, weed, benzos, ketamine, antihistamines, opiates etc

 

[locked*n*loaded]

If you figure out a way to minimize it, I'd be interested in any ideas before I finally go.

 

[Circles]

I've reasoned that the pain of living has to outweigh your fear of death. Easier said than done as the survival instinct probably won't lessen by just reasoning to yourself but it can become easier to accept death when the pain is just too much.

 

[yearsoflonliness]

There are some things I will do first before I ctb to 'get the ball rolling' that will change my life permanently. If I fail or don't go through with ctb my life will be far, far worse than I can currently imagine. So hopefully that will be enough to ensure that the fear of dying won't overwhelm me.

 

[UKscotty]

We have to be ready to CTB. Have exhausted all options of recovery and be at peace with death.

 

[theboy]

it's hard but basically your reasons for ctb should outweigh your reasons for living. hope you find the light.

 

[offbalance]

What have you guys tried to use to minimize survival instinct during attempts, or just during plain research? I'm always scared of death. I want to accept it wholeheartedly.

Going on and off antidepressants (sertraline) has helped me a bit. Benzos are also supposed to be effective

 

[melancholymallory03]

This seems to be like one of the biggest barriers people on here have to cross.

SI is so primal , and instinctual
it puts me in such dissonance…
I've heard that a combination of drugs + alc , and preferred drugs can help with SI. Also being generally ready, and leaving letters , sorting things out before , and someone said familiarity I think. I've heard in some cases if people find a partner to that can be helpful , and mitigate some of the personal costs and things. Another helpful suggestion is thinking of the things / triggering yourself if you feel like it's needed. This could be cruel though I'm not sure, I just sometimes imagine myself in my darkest memories . And I swear I could just shoot myself if there was a gun beside me , on impulse . Due to the memory.

I hope you find the peace and comfort you're seeking

 

[oneeyed]

Don't really have more to add then what people have already said but I do want to mention that if you do use alcohol or some sort of drug to help you relax, you should also be aware that it may affect your motor control. If your method requires some amount of coordination but you're too drunk or high, the method will fail or have unexpected outcomes.

 

[melancholymallory03]

Going on and off antidepressants (sertraline) has helped me a bit. Benzos are also supposed to be effective

If I wasn't on sertaline I would be bed rotting hard.

It helps me move that's it. And catonic symptoms

I feel like it just creates this numbness…. And false reality / happiness
And anxiety because what if it's just a band aid ( as it is ) and what if it's a forever sentence. I never liked the idea of taking it forever ; I know it's shame based I just didn't.

 

[waterrrrrrrrrbottel]

I appreciate all your responses.

 

[Argo]

What have you guys tried to use to minimize survival instinct during attempts, or just during plain research? I'm always scared of death. I want to accept it wholeheartedly.

I started thinking about this a few months ago when I started planning to die. I know there's the desire to die on one hand, and then the reality of the process on the other. Desires aren't just ... in a vacuum. There's all the external complexities, but we're very tunnelvision-y by default so we aren't sensitive to complexity in our usual experience. I see this in myself constantly. I'll want to die, but then there are all these questions and unknowns that the desire is ignorant of, right? What about failure. What about the potential to improve life dramatically. What about others? What about...

And so on.

That's all just the narrative level of more thought, the same way as "I want to die" is itself something with a narrative around it, one problem is that the narratives conflict/contradict. That dissonance causes a lack of clarity. It would be like standing at the open fridge and wanting a sandwich, but then simultaneously wanting to order food at the same time. It's just confused and a little paralyzing unless it's resolved.

If, without any doubt left, you committed to one and let go of the other, then there would be no problem. Death isn't usually resolved like that. There's always just the confusion/paralysis/dissonance level of things partly because it's not trivial. So death is often impulsive and under the certainty of a powerful negative emotion like despair or fear of more suffering. That lets people ignore those other conflicts.

So it's not that it's impossible to overcome, we just overcome it in... not the best way, since impulsively doing something important just doesn't seem right(it can be right, but only by accident). The best way would be with mental clarity. So if I really wanted to die properly, I would just sit and reflect until I resolved all of those external complexities. That can be a lot of work, and mentally exhausting for people who are already mentally exhausted. But it can also be therapeutic to just sit calmly, quietly, and solve a puzzle slowly and patiently. I think no matter what we come up with after that kind of reflection, it has better odds of being good that the popular alternatives: a) sitting there torturing ourselves in an endless cycle of wanting to die and being unable to, or b) impulsively making a choice without much clarity behind the decision(both in terms of living or dying).

 

[tbroken]

Today i can finally say that we have the same question my friend. I gathered all the resources(apart from benzos) for my method(SN).
I keep questioning myself if what is still keeping me here is SI or something else. What I have in my mind at the moment is:

- I didn't have the best life, my life was badly invalidated by PTSD, but i managed it through and i built something and got some money. Also my passions both gave me a job and something to believe in, kept me alive and still keep me company day and night. Still i don't feel so proud about myself.
- My parents, even if they are not perfect, don't deserve this. But i just think they are old now, almost 70, so it wont be that much of a trauma for them. Also, in my hometown many ppl lost their way and there were some suicide cases. My suicide would not make this great impact after all.

The point is that:
my mind is perfectly aware of what surrounds me, but only see negative things. I don't trust ppl(for legit reasons), but i know deeply in myself that i should find some friends or stuff to talk and entertain myself. PPL here are bad(due to ignorance and lack of job opportunities), will make me pay for my depressive period even if they are not all saints or perfect and I don't want to move again to another city, it just costs too much both financially and socially wise.
I never liked my life that much and i desperately wanted to change it, but due to PTSD and other factors i could not make it.


CTB seems the only way for me to peacefully end all of this and I also managed to do more difficult and dangerous stuff than drinking a cocktail.
My plan is to isolate myself from everything i like in this life, to finally take the final step.

 

[tchubbygho5t]

I wish I knew haha, I have spent over a year trying and failing various different methods, I always seem to back out at the last possible moment. I think at some point something must just let go, my hope is that eventually things will click into place for me and everyone else who is suffering. I do find it funny though sometimes as I have such a strong belief in spirituality and life after death so I'm always like "surely this shouldn't be a big deal, people die all the time!"

 

[Authentic13]

What have you guys tried to use to minimize survival instinct during attempts, or just during plain research? I'm always scared of death. I want to accept it wholeheartedly.

This is directly related to a question I've been researching for hours to no avail. I'm wondering whether SI will kick in if I'm unconscious, whether deep sleep is considered to be a lack of consciousness, etc.

Basically, my very rudimentary plan is to drink enough alcohol to be short of throwing-up drunk, smoke some potent indica cannabis, and take a large dose of whatever OTC sleep aid I can buy.

Then I'll put a plastic bag that has elastic around its opening over my head before I'm too out of it to do so, holding the elastic away from my neck with my fingers until I fall asleep/pass out, which should cause my hands to fall away, the elastic to contract around my neck, and asphyxiation to set in. I have tried the bag with elastic and that seems to work fine. But that was without any intoxicants.

I haven't seen such a method described (probably due to its simplistic nature?) and I don't know if my survival instinct will kick in even if I'm unconscious or in a deep sleep. I don't handle restrictions or discomfort well, and I'm concerned that even if asleep, I might reflexively pull the bag off.

Any thoughts from those more knowledgeable are welcome. Thanks.

 

[falling_snow]

i use benzos and alcohol, etc. they help me relax so if hanging im definitely getting my full stash of benzos.

 

[golta]

As the comments above says, use something so you cant move no matter how painfull its or take drugs. I failed all my attemps because of that , I fully embrace death long ago but instics are stronger by natural way

 

[UKscotty]

Repeat my previous message but I know it to be true.

We have to break all ties with future self.

If we still worry about having money, a job, an education etc, our SI will have hope.

I know for absolute certainty that the key step in the CTB journey is to stop being concerned with the future, as there won't be one. No more ' what if I fail'.. there can be no fail, if the next attempt fails, try immediately again until successful etc.

 

[Jorms_McGander]

This sounds weak on the surface, and I guess the unspoken part is that I am pinning it to extremes of negative emotion that I experience as part of my neurodivergence-- I can't necessarily say what the next person will experience but I'm just meditating on all the harm I've caused, how selfish and manipulative I can be when I feel the need to survive, my own unwillingness to support myself and therefore my requirement to take advantage of others instinctively, even my propensity to go on and on as if anybody else on Earth gives a fuck to read my masturbatory employment of English (yes I did do it a bit harder on purpose just then).

Everything about myself that has ever disgusted me, when I feel anger or sadness and it is too much to handle I make sure to focus on the fact that I am the reason for this suffering and not only in myself but in others around me, and that I can alleviate the suffering if I do not try to stay alive.

 

[LOVELYDARKDEEP]

I've found a lot of wisdom and comfort in Buddhist philosophy, personally. Philosophies and concepts such as ego death, releasing attachments, nonduality, etc, have helped me process that innate fear of death. Nirvana, after all, is the state of peace and bliss that can be found following the complete destruction and dissolution of the ego - or spirit, or soul, if you put weight into those concepts.
There's a lot of peace and release that can be found into that surrender that can be a great source of strength and comfort at the time of your departure, in whatever form that takes.

That's what has really worked for me personally - but there is no single answer to your question. How we face our inevitable death and that fear of the void beyond is one of the most personal, isolating, and unique struggles we all must grapple with at one point or another, and few tread identical philosophical paths on the way to our final destinations.

 

[manta]

Not sure if it's possible. I thought alcohol was the answer on my first attempt but I chickened out still. Our instincts tell us to survive no matter how much pain we are in. CTB has never been easy for that reason.