thinking of jumping after getting drunk tonight

[mold]

I've failed so many CTB attempts in the past 2 months and sometimes I'd back away from survival instinct kicking in last second or getting physically stopped by someone else.

I really can't take it anymore. I heard getting drunk somewhat helps. I got wasted last night and felt less scared of dying then, so I'm thinking tonight I'll get drunk again and really do it this time. I think for now I'll drink and speak to you all here for a bit. I'm just tired.

Hope you're all well. (as well as you can get on a literal suicide forum)
for now i'm listening to music I enjoy and drinking vodka, it's actually really peaceful. in a weird twisted way i feel at ease knowing i might die tonight.

 

[uselessmanz]

Good luck man. This world is fooked up.

 

[darksouls]

however you decide,
I wish you the best, I hope you find the peace you desire

 

[K-pin]

I imagine it'd be easier with alcohol. I wish you the best, however you choose

 

[Kanau_Nano]

How high are you going up? What's under you? If it's ok to ask. I'm concerned you will end up really badly injured. What music you listening too btw

 

[scordatura]

It is a nice feeling when you believe death is right there.

Enjoy your tunes! Have a nice drink! and I wish you the best no matter what happens.

We're all doing best we can in our unfortunate existances, thanks for wishing us well, and again I wish you well too. I'm sorry for whats made you feel this way.

 

[mold]

How high are you going up? What's under you? If it's ok to ask. I'm concerned you will end up really badly injured. What music you listening too btw

The building I'm going to is 7 flights up, concrete below, no people.

 

[bl33ding_heart]

Safe travels to the other side.

 

[Kanau_Nano]

The building I'm going to is 7 flights up, concrete below, no people.

That height seems really risky to me. I'm not telling you what to do, but I personally am concerned about that however because of what I've read and i read a lot about this. I wish you the best

 

[mold]

I've failed so many CTB attempts in the past 2 months and sometimes I'd back away from survival instinct kicking in last second or getting physically stopped by someone else.

I really can't take it anymore. I heard getting drunk somewhat helps. I got wasted last night and felt less scared of dying then, so I'm thinking tonight I'll get drunk again and really do it this time. I think for now I'll drink and speak to you all here for a bit. I'm just tired.

Hope you're all well. (as well as you can get on a literal suicide forum)
for now i'm listening to music I enjoy and drinking vodka, it's actually really peaceful. in a weird twisted way i feel at ease knowing i might die tonight.

update if anyone really cares, i blacked out before i could jump. i feel like a fraud. even when im sober i faint or pass out before an attempt, i guess thats my brain's way of trying to save me. im such a failure i can't even die properly.

 

[FrustratedMTFtrans]

That's strange, blacking out before you start to feel dizzy unsteady on your feet, and loose full control over eye movement, which is clearly what you so sought to get before jumping. Getting nausea and vommiting would be a natural rejection of excess alcohol by the stomach and it seems you blacked out before that could happen. Incidentally, those effects can be avoided by rectal injection of vodka using a plastic syringe and it makes you drunk immediately by going directly into the bloodstream. But you shouldn't do too much of that, as the body will reject too much rectally administered vodka. Maybe combined oral and rectal vodka administration is worth consideration. But none of this explains the blackout before you got the desired effects of being highly drunk.

 

[darksouls]

That height seems really risky to me. I'm not telling you what to do, but I personally am concerned about that however because of what I've read and i read a lot about this. I wish you the best

I agree with you,
the probability of surviving with severe injuries is very high

 

[briardweller]

Honestly i've been drinking so much more lately I bet I could get over the bullshit by getting drunk before jumping off a high building or something. When I was a kid one of my first reoccurring nightmares was this weird dream where I was running from something and everything was invisible but I somehow knew I had to jump off a high cliff or something and I would wake up right before hitting the ground. Maybe it was a weird omen or something. I hope you don't have to experience any more suffering.

 

[Aflame5926]

update if anyone really cares, i blacked out before i could jump. i feel like a fraud. even when im sober i faint or pass out before an attempt, i guess thats my brain's way of trying to save me. im such a failure i can't even die properly.

ya not a fraud. you are just you. its probally SI trying to guilt trip you

 

[shade123]

update if anyone really cares, i blacked out before i could jump. i feel like a fraud. even when im sober i faint or pass out before an attempt, i guess thats my brain's way of trying to save me. im such a failure i can't even die properly.

You're not a fraud, it's just your body natural reaction... Don't really think about it.. i hope you don't feel it too much...

 

[mold]

That's strange, blacking out before you start to feel dizzy unsteady on your feet, and loose full control over eye movement, which is clearly what you so sought to get before jumping. Getting nausea and vommiting would be a natural rejection of excess alcohol by the stomach and it seems you blacked out before that could happen. Incidentally, those effects can be avoided by rectal injection of vodka using a plastic syringe and it makes you drunk immediately by going directly into the bloodstream. But you shouldn't do too much of that, as the body will reject too much rectally administered vodka. Maybe combined oral and rectal vodka administration is worth consideration. But none of this explains the blackout before you got the desired effects of being highly drunk.

I don't know if it's an alcohol thing or something else, this has happened before while I was sober during another attempt... maybe I'm sick physically too (lol)

 

[Kanau_Nano]

I don't know if it's an alcohol thing or something else, this has happened before while I was sober during another attempt... maybe I'm sick physically too (lol)

If you drink fast enough you can def blackout before feeling really messed up. I embarrassed myself at a party this way

 

[purebliss]

I don't know if it's an alcohol thing or something else, this has happened before while I was sober during another attempt... maybe I'm sick physically too (lol)

Hey man. Don't beat yourself over it. SI is something you can not control. None of us can.

May I advise that, if you try again, try flualprazolam next time instead of alcohol?
Because benzos do exactly that: Remove any type of anxiety and make you sedated

 

[theendoftheroad]

I'm wondering if I should do the same but the only places around me with enough stories are casinos. Maybe I should rent a room there for a couple nights and let gambling decide if I'll live or die

 

[purebliss]

I'm wondering if I should do the same but the only places around me with enough stories are casinos. Maybe I should rent a room there for a couple nights and let gambling decide if I'll live or die

I would advise to not do that.

Rather wait a little bit for SN to arrive, or buy a 99.9% pure Helium tank and go via exit bag.
Jumping has so many nasty "possibilities"

 

[theendoftheroad]

SN is not possible for me because #1 I'm about to be homeless and even if I did find a way to not be I wouldn't have reliable access to my mail and would be found out pretty quickly

 

[purebliss]

SN is not possible for me because #1 I'm about to be homeless and even if I did find a way to not be I wouldn't have reliable access to my mail and would be found out pretty quickly

Oh. I am sorry to hear that.
I guess... considering the graphic nature of jumping you may wanna consider... "catching a train" then?

Both is sure to cause trauma to others, regrettably.
But one is a more surefire way to die than the other.

 

[theendoftheroad]

Oh. I am sorry to hear that.
I guess... considering the graphic nature of jumping you may wanna consider... "catching a train" then?

Both is sure to cause trauma to others, regrettably.
But one is a more surefire way to die than the other.

There were some old train tracks near where I used to live that I'd walk to frequently at night and ponder it. The problem is that they move so slow that the only feasible way to get success would be to position my neck on the track in between the wheels, and if I didn't want to do it while moving it'd mean I could be potentially waiting hours for the train to start up

 

[purebliss]

There were some old train tracks near where I used to live that I'd walk to frequently at night and ponder it. The problem is that they move so slow that the only feasible way to get success would be to position my neck on the track in between the wheels, and if I didn't want to do it while moving it'd mean I could be potentially waiting hours for the train to start up

Hm.
How about incoming speed trains?
It sure takes a long way for them to come to a full halt at a station.

It does mean you have to wander to a big station, yes-
And I really don't want to give this advice either I have to admit. My rule of thumb is to never involve others in ones suicide if possible

 

[theendoftheroad]

I don't think there's any speed trains near where I live, I think they're just for transporting stuff never people. And it's okay I'll be ctb soon regardless. Whether it's after I break open the window from the top floor of a casino or suspend myself in a hotel room it's happening within a week

 

[FrustratedMTFtrans]

I don't know if it's an alcohol thing or something else, this has happened before while I was sober during another attempt... maybe I'm sick physically too (lol)

Maybe you have a circulation problem without knowing it and got a stroke due to stress and/or excitement due to what you were doing.