How do you feel right now?

[citrusrope]

Wildly bouncing from distress and anxiety, to feeling something akin to acceptance and calming down from the anxiety, to calming down too much straight into feeling apathy and losing interest in everything... rinse and repeat.

 

[Pluto]

 

[horrorofBeing]

Annoyed and hopeless. Ununderstandable.

 

[Halfhourdays]

I feel medicated and ready to go.

 

[Goodfornothingbish]

I keep snapping in an out of myself.

Spoiler: Tmi and possibly triggering

I want to starve to death, I haven't drank anything since deciding to starve and dehydrate but I don't feel worse. I am still pissing but its been days it seems.

Spoiler: Tmi and possibly triggering

I think the rule is: 3 days since you've last peed
3 weeks since you last ate
3 months since you last seen people
3 years since you've lost faith in yourself/others

 

[derekWest]

Angry bc I have maybe lost $10 000...

 

[Thomas Rekowicz]

Empty no hedonistic pleasure work anymore i need to restock my meds. I will CTB soon.

 

[Nothing Left]

Anhedonic. Misanthropic. Constantly annoyed and fearful.

 

[delta2]

Sick and disgusting. I'm still having Effexor withdrawals and I can't forgive myself for anything. I'm out of shape and desire everything I know I don't deserve. I don't even want to eat because the chewing just makes me feel gluttonous and sloppy. I still don't know if I want to ctb or not. I'm a coward

 

[Pathetic and Sad]

Sad, pathetic and lonely.

 

[celiasdream]

I feel tired and lonely. I really have no one to talk to and it's always quiet in the house. I deleted my accounts on social media and just isolate myself at home and suffer in silence. Because of my social fear I can't bring myself to go out and look at people and speak to anyone, but still I wish there was someone next to me who would understand the sorrow pouring out of my heart.

 

[Haematemesis]

healing

 

[Lookingtoflyfree]

Scared shitless and starting to get rid of things in my apartment so I can leave. Between unemployment, autism, politics and being alone in this country I don't have the resources to cope with life here any more. But in a way, it's necessary - I'm going to stop trying to connect with other people, and focus on packing and a new chapter, and focus on my work search and hobbies. If I'm lonely I go dancing or movies or sit in a cafe. I don't need friends. They're a distraction from my art, which is what matters. It's time to stop trying. My painting matters more than a person who ends up ghosting you. Painting and music are what keep me going more than any person can.

 

[intothenight]

A bit better than yesterday, ran some errands outside, the sun was good. But I still get moments of hoplessnes, despair, whatever you want to call it.
I try my best to pull myself out of them, but I can feel it draining my energy. I know that the moment will come when I simply can't do it anymore.

 

[allmylife]

Yesterday was a better day. Today I'm back to frustrated, sad and lonely. Having trouble trying to keep focus.

 

[mikgazer6]

Exhausted, wrong, and relieved. Because of life circumstances I had to come out to my parents about my schizoid like personality (they thought I was only a little weird and introverted), pessimism, opposing values in life, and the fact I've planned to move to a different country. The response wasn't validating in the slightest but at least the bandaid has been ripped off after aging for like 8 years lol.

 

[Thomas Rekowicz]

Empty and anxious

 

[harlow-paige]

exhausted frustrated on the edge of a spiral. feeling broken and inadequate like i missed out on being taught important aspects of being a normal human and being able to socialise properly. feeling like a burden and an inconvenience to even people that seem to like being around me, self hating for wanting to reach out to people but feeling unable and unworthy of actually doing it.

 

[Homulily]

Blegh. Trying to figure out the logistics of moving in with my partner has been a nightmare. Moving to another country or her moving here both has a laundry list of issues that I don't know how to approach.
But we're chipping away at it.
I just wish I didn't need to be apart from her.

 

[Halfhourdays]

Social anxiety is crippling

 

[SchizoGymnast]

Exhausted. Kinda sad. Hungry. Gross.

 

[JaJu]

When the person you considered your best friend constantly jokes about how slow, dumb, and stupid you are.. but they love you for that.. you start to believe it and maybe it's true.. but that makes me feel very inadequate and it also sounds a bit condescending.. like did they like hanging around with me because it made them feel better about themselves? I can tell them to stop, but that doesn't mean they'll stop believing it. Haven't spoken with them in a week. Don't know if we will or not. Don't even know if they want to or not. Maybe it's for the best.

 

[BeyondOver]

sleepy

 

[FishRain3469]

Completely and absolutely fckn lost. About to go on my lunch break and drink a few beers . Maybe smoke a bowl. Used to be afraid of getting fired... But so what, I don't particularly give a flying Fck anymore. Such is life I suppose.... Fml.

 

[ultraparadise]

Coping via the usage of alcohol, still have no idea why people consider it bad but I guess I'll learn it later.

 

[Tumblewillow]

Numb depressed. My partner said I was "useless to [him]" yesterday. He gets mad at me when "i don't do as I'm told" quick enough.

He's said so many horrible things to me I've lost count and I cant even bring myself to cry anymore. Today he's wide eyed and astounded that I'm sad! But just can't figure out why. He insults as he breathes and has no awareness or care of the harm he does.

 

[Placo]

A little tense.

 

[Lookingtoflyfree]

I went on a date last night, and I thought it went well, but the way it ended was frustrating. We had a nice hug and she kind of just...sulked away. No 'let's hang out again' or anything. She asked me out, we had a long 3 hour date, and I made sure to ask her questions, and she asked a lot about my current hobbies, so I answered and tried to not go on about them too much, but today... I am back to not wanting any contact and concentrate on my art and plans because they didn't feel what I felt and I fell for the possibility of connection.

How can I prevent this constant need to connection? How can I get the bare minimum of social connection maybe from buying a coffee at at a cafe, but avoid friends and dates, so I can concentrate on my art, my move and my plan?

Deleting my accounts on all of these stupid platforms (except for this one) will help, and thinking of a mantra to say when someone is a possibility. I like 'letting go', which reminds me to not attach to any place, any person, any false hope. Block and delete. I feel my equilibrium restored when I block and delete and move on from the unpredictability and falseness of people. This is what happens after trauma, and it's good - I get all I need from learning and painting and letting go. If I need attention, I'll dress up at home, have wine, listen to music and continue selling things for my move.

Letting go is my freedom.

 

[JaJu]

Fking hate my job and my life I'm so close to quitting again i just want to bed rot

 

[hang in there]

I feel really peaceful. I feel like I'm teetering on the edge of something but I'm okay with whichever direction I fall. Nothing really bothers me at this point.