How do you feel right now?

[PinballWizard39]

Risky. I've been feeling more suicidal today. I stored the SN, protocol, meto, painkillers etc all in a lockable cash tin. I even got it out and held it all in my hands thinking that it would just be so easy..
I recorded a video on my laptop in case I go ahead with it and people want to know why I did what I did. I've just taken some meto and a sleeping pill and I'm kinda hoping once the sedated feeling starts kicking in, maybe I'll have to guts to down it. I feel like I'm on a hamster wheel of life that has no fucking end. I'll probably just fucking fall asleep and wake up hating myself all over again tomorrow.

My depression is zapping all my energy. Even going back to work half days is taking it out of me. I went blackberry picking today but nearly collapsed on my way home due to utter exhaustion. I don't know what is wrong with me. Maybe my body senses it'll be shutting down for good soon.

 

[hu3]

I feel okay, I am fine and hopeful.

I'm still at danger of suicide but I feel safer. I feel like I have myself. When the world is mean I can just return to my hobbies, interests and my room.
Im safe with myself.
I still wish for someone else - but I'm young and I don't need that right now.
I'll be okay in the end. Dead or alive, it all ends the same, in the same death with the same beating heart.

 

[ThatStateOfMind]

Sad and nervous.

Nervous about the semester starting tomorrow, though I do know that's temporary and will ease up as I get in the groove of things.

Sad because I just finished watching Avatar TLOK, and I have what I've labeled post-avatar syndrome. I sometimes wish to escape this reality and go to a much different one. Nothing has made me as sad or as full of yearn as ATLA or TLOK, though.

 

[Ash]

My dog likes it when I can't sleep as she gets to sleep while I cuddle her. Can't say I blame her.

 

[juna]

Trying to sleep, unable to fall asleep though,so just scrolling sasu.

 

[atdusk]

Very calm inside. I am not suffering, not anguished. My feelings are very subtle. Anger, shame but also connection with others. I would like them to be more intense.

 

[ThatStateOfMind]

Suffering even more than yesterday as the new semester has now started

 

[creirwy]

I don't even know anymore. I feel completely detached from myself and only when emotions get really strong and my body is sore I realize.

 

[Ash]

I actually slept properly for the first time in I don't know how long but that's not made anything easier to cope with, just means I can't do what the dog did as doing as she realised it's pouring with rain and make a duvet nest and go back to sleep.

 

[atdusk]

I don't feel I am predetermined to kill myself because I've done what I should have done early on, which was talk to my most beloved friend.

I "broke" with him eight years ago and the pain was dragging me to death. Fortunately he accepted my explanation - I had rational and emotional reasons to do what I did - and he agrees to meet from time to time.

Now I am left with lots of problems that may as well get me to the point of killing myself, but it would be circumstantial. I don't feel I am predetermined to that as before.

Consequently I'll probably leave the forum now. I hope you don't give up, and neither me.

 

[JoysoftheEmptiness]

I feel numb, struggling with everything, this past week has been one of the hardest of my life.