Venting How did you feel when you could not get on the SS website?

[tpboy]

I had several different emotions. I do not think that any of them would be what pro lifers would want. Then again maybe they would.

 

[ayaneechan]

I promise myself to not come on the forum cuz I'm not too mentally stable since some shit happens, but I come here again and again. I'll try, but something in my mind tells me that I should CTB and for this reason I come here. Sometimes just cuz I feel lonely and since I had to leave lot of groups and I not have much IRL ppl to talk, this is one of the few places I have to talk to someone

 

[Kerrtu]

When these issues occur, I feel horrible and anxious. I think of those who have impacted me profoundly and become sad to think I may not have the chance to say goodbye.

Today seemed especially long and strange - I had been able to log in briefly this morning and noticed a comment I had made yesterday was back to its unedited form. I lost recent and meaningful conversations, especially with @jacrispy

I know I'm not alone and other accounts have likely been effected. I find the attempts to shutter this site more and more disgusting.

@corazon - thank you for the beautiful message you left on my profile page. I'm so glad we were able to enjoy music together and I will miss posting more tunes ♡

 

[リンさん]

Not great, I was worried there was an attack/shit happening in general. Now I'm just glad it's up and working again.

While I am (for now) not actively suicidal, I can only assume how horrible it must have been for those who use SS as their primary/only outlet.

 

[snowlance]

I was constantly refreshing the page all day. I thought great there goes the one place I can just be myself.

 

[HighOctane]

Same as snow, I'd only just found the balls to actually talk on here instead of being an introverted weirdo, just about had conversations and I finally felt some happiness and all of a sudden, nope, no access. Put me down a lot

 

[tpboy]

I was constantly refreshing the page all day. I thought great there goes the one place I can just be myself.

Same here.

 

[AnonGermany]

I thought germany blocked it again. I was also surprised how often i tried to check if its up again.

Its my place to find open and honest thoughts about "that forbidden topic" called suicide, my escape from thoughts overwhelming my head which would scare anyone that i come in contact with in real life.

Its the only place where i dont have to wear the mask, dont have to pretend to be someone that i am not.

Guess im very attached/addicted to this site. I NEED you guys. ALOT.

 

[Jezzibell]

Angry.

 

[LittleBlackCat]

Panic attacks

 

[Forever Sleep]

I feel lonely (or, as lonely as I get- I don't tend to suffer from loneliness that much.) I wonder if all the pro lifers are congratulting themselves in isolating an already isolated group of people.

Then, I start thinking about the people behind it. I imagine they are mostly parents who's children have chosen to commit suicide and/ or they are looking to protect more children. I do happen to agree with them there. I don't think this is the best place for children to be. Which is why I feel so angry about the Tantacrul video that basically just sign posted the forum to (I imagine) a young viewer base.

I start wondering what else these prolifers are doing. Are they making similar efforts to find out why those children became suicidal in the first place? Are they supporting services that look to support children who are struggling? Are they talking to their own children and supporting them?

Do they really think that children wouldn't still commit suicide if there weren't places like this? Do they honestly believe people come here by accident and then become brainwashed?

I do feel bad for them. It's got to be a horrendous pain to lose someone to suicide. Especially a child. Still- I wish they would think a little further- even though it's painful. Do they really think their loved one or child couldn't make decisions for themself? Do they truly think it was an impulsive act or one entirely influenced by this forum?

I have to wonder if they even noticed that their loved one was struggling so much. What did they do to help? If they didn't know but wished they had- what would they have done differently? Do they really think they could have helped that person? If so- spread that awareness to other parents.

This place I would say is one of the very last hurdles in a difficult race. I imagine the majority of people come here because they are actively suicidal- looking for methods. In most cases, I imagine there were warning signs WAY before this. What I'd really like is for prolifers to focus on other organisations that are obviously failing people BEFORE they come somewhere like here.

Suicide is a symptom that things are VERY wrong in society. For the people suffering- suicide seemed like their best solution. Sometimes their only solution. If prolifers claim to care about people's lives that much- I wish they'd put their effort into making those lives better to live rather than just insist that people stay here and suffer.

You have to wonder- if it was only a group of middle aged people on here- would they really care? Or- would it then fall back to- you're ALL vulnerable because you're ALL mentally ill? The blind leading the blind type of deal?

 

[Jezzibell]

I feel lonely (or, as lonely as I get- I don't tend to suffer from loneliness that much.) I wonder if all the pro lifers are congratulting themselves in isolating an already isolated group of people.

Then, I start thinking about the people behind it. I imagine they are mostly parents who's children have chosen to commit suicide and/ or they are looking to protect more children. I do happen to agree with them there. I don't think this is the best place for children to be. Which is why I feel so angry about the Tantacrul video that basically just sign posted the forum to (I imagine) a young viewer base.

I start wondering what else these prolifers are doing. Are they making similar efforts to find out why those children became suicidal in the first place? Are they supporting services that look to support children who are struggling? Are they talking to their own children and supporting them?

Do they really think that children wouldn't still commit suicide if there weren't places like this? Do they honestly believe people come here by accident and then become brainwashed?

I do feel bad for them. It's got to be a horrendous pain to lose someone to suicide. Especially a child. Still- I wish they would think a little further- even though it's painful. Do they really think their loved one or child couldn't make decisions for themself? Do they truly think it was an impulsive act or one entirely influenced by this forum?

I have to wonder if they even noticed that their loved one was struggling so much. What did they do to help? If they didn't know but wished they had- what would they have done differently? Do they really think they could have helped that person? If so- spread that awareness to other parents.

This place I would say is one of the very last hurdles in a difficult race. I imagine the majority of people come here because they are actively suicidal- looking for methods. In most cases, I imagine there were warning signs WAY before this. What I'd really like is for prolifers to focus on other organisations that are obviously failing people BEFORE they come somewhere like here.

Suicide is a symptom that things are VERY wrong in society. For the people suffering- suicide seemed like their best solution. Sometimes their only solution. If prolifers claim to care about people's lives that much- I wish they'd put their effort into making those lives better to live rather than just insist that people stay here and suffer.

You have to wonder- if it was only a group of middle aged people on here- would they really care? Or- would it then fall back to- you're ALL vulnerable because you're ALL mentally ill? The blind leading the blind type of deal?

Your reply is so considered and empathetic. I doubt prolifers consider the cause at all. Parents just have a gut reaction and they need to append blame. Same with the rest of society.

Such a good point about age.

I disagree somewhat about the young. I think everyone deserves our support and if we can save one of them, we have helped.

 

[Death is my goal]

nothing

 

[thot88]

This caused irritation. I lost important material. But nothing can be done about them.

 

[Praestat_Mori]

When I can't access SS my suicidal thoughts and the desire to CTB asap is increasing. There's also a kind of loneliness then although I'm not lonely irl but I'm lonely with my issues bc nobody outside SS really understands them.

 

[DeadHead]

This caused irritation. I lost important material. But nothing can be done about them.

I lost info as well - fortunately I had made paper notes as a back up (info about gas set up)

 

[heavyeyes]

Honestly very worried and scared. Even though I try to limit my time on the site there are days when I need it more than others. I feel less alone in my struggles and suffering here

 

[Forever Sleep]

Your reply is so considered and empathetic. I doubt prolifers consider the cause at all. Parents just have a gut reaction and they need to append blame. Same with the rest of society.

Such a good point about age.

I disagree somewhat about the young. I think everyone deserves our support and if we can save one of them, we have helped.

I do take your point about the young. I was actually a suicidal child too. I've had ideation since I was 10. I suppose the issue I have is- I find it difficult to give youngsters hope. I don't have much hope myself. I don't blame them at all for seeing nothing but struggle ahead of them and thinking they don't want to endure it. So, I find it difficult to give them a perspective that isn't already cynical and negatively skewed. I think many people here feel like that and I do think it's a fair criticism to claim this place acts as a negative echo chamber.

That said- I don't think people give children and young adults enough credit. They're not stupid! I think most people can assess what impact outside influences are having on them. If they are here- it's because they likely ALREADY have ideas similar to the ones expressed here. They choose to stay here because this place resonates with them. I guess that's what I was trying to say really- if prolifers really care about the youth of today- maybe they should be thinking more about WHY they end up thinking the way they do- which is what drives them here in the first place.

What infuruates me is- what is their alternative? Who can they turn to? If these prolifers want to close down places like this- what are they providing as an alternative? Is their solution simply not to talk about it and hope it goes away? Or- ring a helpline? Just take a look at people's experiences with helplines on here! I wish they'd take a look at the mental healthcare support in their respective countries too. I expect that is something they choose to blame it on. In which case- was your loved one supported adequately enough? If not- get on to them. Surely- that comes under prevention?

I don't know much about these prolifers to be fair. Maybe they are campaigning for better support services too. Still- if their ultimate goal is to trap people here by ensuring that only the most painful, brutal and risky suicide methods are available to people- that's not really very inspiring. It seems more like a threatening hostage situation to me. A kind of- we don't care how miserable you are- so long as you stay here to keep us company (and pay taxes.)

 

[Myexit]

I panicked and cried

 

[SweetSacrifice]

I feel sad for the two who did goodbye threads yesterday - it's like time has reset to before they went, but only on the forum. Seems unfair they should have their final moments here taken away from them.

 

[wait.what]

I felt shittier than I would have expected. The problem is that every other site that even permits conversation about suicidal ideation falls on a spectrum between hilariously useless and patently offensive. My current "favorite" is a forum where a bot spits out the number for 988 whenever it detects the word "suicide" in somebody's post. In case you actually want to call 988 but can't remember the number for it, I guess.

 

[Kompass]

The last words written by the 2 people in their Goodbye threads yesterday are now gone, most likely forever.
It makes me feel weird and I guess a bit sad that just like that, the last moments of their lifes have been deleted.

 

[tpboy]

I felt shittier than I would have expected. The problem is that every other site that even permits conversation about suicidal ideation falls on a spectrum between hilariously useless and patently offensive. My current "favorite" is a forum where a bot spits out the number for 988 whenever it detects the word "suicide" in somebody's post. In case you actually want to call 988 but can't remember the number for it, I guess.

What is wrong with these people!!!!! Its worse if you are a military vet, every time you turn around some number to call.

The last words written by the 2 people in their Goodbye threads yesterday are now gone, most likely forever.
It makes me feel weird and I guess a bit sad that just like that, the last moments of their lifes have been deleted.

I read them and they got to me a little. One made me cry.

 

[unique snowflake]

I feel hopeless.

 

[LonelyKitten]

Lonely. I don't have much left anymore in terms of friends, materially, life, etc. - I burned it all to cinders.
Whether it helps me get through another day, or gets me closer to my plans - right now, I feel extremely alone without y'all.
This is the only space that understands these feelings, where I can speak them openly, without being locked up or shunned.

 

[tpboy]

Lonely. I don't have much left anymore in terms of friends, materially, life, etc. - I burned it all to cinders.
Whether it helps me get through another day, or gets me closer to my plans - right now, I feel extremely alone without y'all.
This is the only space that understands these feelings, where I can speak them openly, without being locked up or shunned.

What do you mean by burning it to cinders? Mistakes?

 

[Some_Girl]

I probably refreshed my browser 300 times.

 

[backtoearth]

I lost my whole account, I made it in the past week so everything was lost and I had to re-register. I was really anxious and did not have anyone to speak to. But I am mostly upset that the goodbye threads I saw are now gone and the last words of these people have been lost

 

[アホペンギン]

I was in a coma so I didn't feel anything when SS was down, lucky me.

 

[omarofficial10]

I felt shitty. I lost my account because it was created recently. This website has the only people I want to talk to for my last month