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How close are you to commit suicide?
Thread starterTerrible_Life_99
Start date
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im hoping in couple of days I have opportunity, but now my si is kicking in that getting close. it doesnt make sense because Im sufferung alot but as soon as i really think about ctb i get hopeful, but i know its the best thing for me. I think i just get sad thinking about how it will affect my loved ones
if I could get SN or KN....I found sources but afraid of a welfare check if i order them as im in the uk
Right now? Don't really feel like it. Sucidal thoughts seem to come in waves for me nowadays even though it's not like I've done much to better myself in that time frame. In fact, I think my pallete of "safe foods" is starting to restrict again so maybe I'll be more inclined to be more active on here and get the thoughts back and rolling again idk. Been doing somewhat fine after I was like "probably gonna kill myself in 12 months" almost 2 months ago which I find kinda funny but hey I'm not complaining.
It varies quite a bit but today I'd say is an 8. I've had some dreams of dying lately (and yes they are the best I've ever had) but there's no more hesitation in them. It's just like I know it's happening and I close my eyes, my body gets really hot and then starts shutting down and it's amazing. The best ones have been jumping and in a vehicle flooring it into a tree, but I wasn't driving. They have me rethinking my plan a bit because I think I want to have that few seconds of awareness that it's really finally ending.
It's quite possible that I'm losing my job next week and then I might finally rise to the point of doing it.
Ugh I'm afraid of this. Getting the rope and doing the knots was pretty easy. I'm fortunate to have a good anchor point. But to actually do it really is something else.
I'm somewhat close but I need a different location where I'm now to do it and a better method than hanging if possible because that's all I have access to and jumping. I don't want to botch it and I need a better oppurtunity.
I don't have money for a gun, but I could afford charcoal and a little grill. Thinking about jumping on this. I don't want to wake up brain damaged but all the successes out of places like Korea make me think it's workable.
This would be an impulsive attempt with no dry run or CO meter. Which is asking for trouble.
I lack courage, but I'm trying to build it up, and I think Im close. Suicide seems like the rational choice in my situation, but the methods available to me are hard to go through with.
Right now I'm practicing and trying to get used to my method, hoping to overcome my SI so I can finally end my life. I wish I had access to SN.
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