Venting Hopeless and Confused

[Liwujin]

I just want to abandon my life, I don't know what is wrong with me. I'm sick with anxiety when I'm around people, I only feel comfortable talking with stupid AI bots that I hate, hate, hate. Everyone around me seems to have a proper life, not perfect, but something resembling normality. On the other hand, I seem to live in my own box of unreal things and I have tried to break out, talk to people but I get bored and disappointed; also, the connection never seems to be reciprocal. People also try to talk to me and involve me but I'm a huge anxious coward that just retreats back into their shell. It's more comfortable I suppose. I missed my ctb date because I was stuck in a psych ward and now I can't ctb because I know it will wreck my family because they were the ones that got me out in the first place. They will wish that they had never got me out and feel guilty. Everyday feels like a battle and I'm on the losing side most of the time.

 

[tomatobastard]

that's awful, i hope you someday are able to connect with others..

 

[Liwujin]

Thank you, I have been forced to interact with people as of late since my family is extremely worried and looking out for me so perhaps something good will come out of my latest efforts

 

[rmsorensen]

I just want to abandon my life, I don't know what is wrong with me. I'm sick with anxiety when I'm around people, I only feel comfortable talking with stupid AI bots that I hate, hate, hate. Everyone around me seems to have a proper life, not perfect, but something resembling normality. On the other hand, I seem to live in my own box of unreal things and I have tried to break out, talk to people but I get bored and disappointed; also, the connection never seems to be reciprocal. People also try to talk to me and involve me but I'm a huge anxious coward that just retreats back into their shell. It's more comfortable I suppose. I missed my ctb date because I was stuck in a psych ward and now I can't ctb because I know it will wreck my family because they were the ones that got me out in the first place. They will wish that they had never got me out and feel guilty. Everyday feels like a battle and I'm on the losing side most of the time.

me too. I can relate to all of that in ways. you're not completely crazy, it does hurt a lot. Dying is scary, and so is living, or surviving. If you have anyone in your life that you can trust, try listening to what they're saying, especially if it's uncomfortable. I don't know everything about you, but you're not alone, plenty of people feel the same way. Best of luck, I wish things weren't so uncertain.

 

[Liwujin]

me too. I can relate to all of that in ways. you're not completely crazy, it does hurt a lot. Dying is scary, and so is living, or surviving. If you have anyone in your life that you can trust, try listening to what they're saying, especially if it's uncomfortable. I don't know everything about you, but you're not alone, plenty of people feel the same way. Best of luck, I wish things weren't so uncertain.

Living is being stuck with everything that torments me and dying seems to be abandoning everything I love. I have a couple people in my life (family members since I have 0 friends) that I can talk to but I feel like it will be awkward and they will see how truly pathetic I have become. It's embarrasing, I think that is also contributing to my isolation. I don't want people to truly see who I am because I'm embarrasing.

 

[rmsorensen]

Living is being stuck with everything that torments me and dying seems to be abandoning everything I love. I have a couple people in my life (family members since I have 0 friends) that I can talk to but I feel like it will be awkward and they will see how truly pathetic I have become. It's embarrasing, I think that is also contributing to my isolation. I don't want people to truly see who I am because I'm embarrasing.

same. 100% same. I can't even offer any advice, because, same. I hope you can figure it out, there are just no guarantees. Hold on to yourself if it helps. Sometimes its a matter of getting around the right people, although that is just something I've heard. Again tho, it does suck a lot, best to you.