Discussion Have you had any friends/family commit suicide, and has it impacted your decision?

[Smashingairwaves]

Just curious to see if other people's decisions to end their own lives has made you want to/not want to do it yourself or if it had made you change your method, etc

 

[Darkhaven]

My mother and grandmother have a history of suicidal thoughts and my grandmother attempted to do it with pills, which of course failed miserably. It was way way before i was born though.
Since i have been born there has been no attempts but i truly believe that i inherited this from my mothers side.

 

[Thanatos]

I had 2 family members commit suicide before I was born so it didnt affect me directly. Guess I'll just be following in their footsteps though at a much younger age

 

[Baskol1]

No, nobody in family commited ever suicide, or was ever depressed. Atleast not that i know of.

 

[Laststop]

I've known 3 people to commit suicide. Two relatives, and one friend. An aunt who ODed on meds, a cousin who shot himself in the head with a rifle, and a young man I knew (along with his family) that hanged himself. I felt more removed from the family members. I hadn't seen much of them for a while, although I grew up with them both. I was in a different part of the country at the time, and didn't go home for either event. I've been to the grave of the aunt, but not the cousin. The young man who hanged himself was different. I'd worked with his father and two uncles for many years, and he even worked at the same place for a while. We would all car pool sometimes, with him next to me. One day the father and two uncles left, and word got around work the boy had hung himself. The house where he did it is a couple blocks away from where I live, and am sitting right now. I'd been there before this happened, and after. Whereas I was removed from the two relatives, I had seen and spoken to this young man just days before he did it, and stood over his open casket at his Wake. I'd like to say it hurts when I think about it. I wish it did. But I only seem to feel annoyed, or nothing, these days. I do recall thinking at the time that they must have had things in them that just made living too much anymore. I've always felt that way. I know people are hurt who are left behind, and they have my sympathy. As for how it has changed how I feel about my own possible CTB, I struggle with the damage I will do if I go through with it, and the need I have to escape. I'm lucky in that the one person I loved most is gone, and I won't hurt her.

 

[welshie84]

My best friend when I was 14 hung himself, then a close friend hung himself around 8 years ago. Lost two friends to over dosed since. Hasn't affected my decision

 

[imnotsorry]

I have similar experiences to above, my grandmother killed herself. Long before I was born, but nonetheless it has impacted me. I will follow in her footsteps soon.

 

[Lookingforabus]

Yes, both friends and family.

It's mainly guided me on what not to do (although one of my relatives died "accidentally" by getting drunk and getting hit by a truck, which seemed to be easier on everyone than the admitted suicides, so I tried for a quite a while to also die "accidentally").

I've been suicidally depressed since childhood, though, so I'm confident it hasn't impacted my desire much... maybe it made me try a bit harder to find a way to not die, seeing the fallout from some suicides, but it's been an educational experience on what to avoid much more than anything else.

 

[Soul]

My mother, grandmother, aunt and two cousins committed suicide; I've probably left a few out. It definitely gave me ideas at an early age, and then when you read that children of suicides are likely to commit suicide, it's like ... why fight it?

 

[Wayfaerer]

I'll be the first ever suicide in the family. This fact suggests to me that my misery is situational rather than genetic.

 

[HGL91]

The older I get, the more suicides I hear about from people I know, and it sometimes shocks me because they seemingly had a better life than me, and they still CTB. It definitely began to make me wonder "What did they realize, that I didn't?"

And then at age 23, I started to understand and that understanding only
became clearer. The understanding that pain doesnt end in childhood, teenhood or any part of school. You don't magically become "stronger" as an adult. You become less empathetic with more pain you experience, but are suppose to BEHAVE empathetic at your job to help people in exchange for money...money that is constantly taken from you even when you don't realize it until you look at your bank statement and see that your bank has a "new member fee" they forgot to tell you about.

Jesus! I'm tired of society! Oh and don't even get me started on how romantic relationships are secretly one of the most painful emotional experiences. Compromising until you lose your identity. The arguments. The sadness. The pressure to stay young n pretty so that he will still love you. So much pain in this world!

 

[YukiFox]

When I was 25 years old a close friend from college jumped. Her death hunting me for years. I asked a lot "why people choose suicide? " And for s lot of time that event discouraged me to do so. That's the only case who affected me directly.
When I choose my date I'll be the first suicide in family.

 

[mathieu]

My best friend CTB. It doesn't really affect my decision but now I know the pain others may feel.

 

[Lookingforabus]

I'll be the first ever suicide in the family.

That you know of. To be fair, people used to go to absurd lengths to cover up suicides (and some still do). I can't even tell you how many ex-soldiers and cops I know of who died "accidentally". There was an ex-Navy SEAL who drowned in about 8 feet of water while on his boat fishing, a ex-Marine who died when his gun accidentally discharged while he was cleaning it and a retired cop who mistakenly swallowed a bottle of his heart medication, instead of just the one pill he was supposed to take every day. All officially ruled as accidents.

You're probably not the first.

This fact suggests to me that my misery is situational rather than genetic.

Doesn't make it any less painful, does it?

You become less empathetic with more pain you experience

Must vary from person to person. I've tended to become more empathetic and sympathetic over the years... not that it helps my state of mind any.

 

[Bulletwbttrflywings]

My cousin and my best friend from college shot themselves in the head. I guess that's why I have an affinity towards bullets... they give butterfly wings.

Although I'm terrified of guns.

 

[Laststop]

Yes, both friends and family.

It's mainly guided me on what not to do (although one of my relatives died "accidentally" by getting drunk and getting hit by a truck, which seemed to be easier on everyone than the admitted suicides, so I tried for a quite a while to also die "accidentally").

I faced this too with the suicides in my family. The main person in my life was my grandmother. She's been dead now for a while. But before she died one of her daughters (my aunt) died of a meds OD, and one of her grandsons (my cousin) died of a gunshot to the head. She wanted to believe they were both accidents. In both cases the evidence pointed to suicide. I was torn between asking her why she was trying to fool herself when it was just better to face what it was, and not wanting to cause her anymore pain. But it was rough listening to her try and come up with some plausible reason both of the deaths happened accidently, and in such obvious circumstances in both cases.

 

[HGL91]

Must vary from person to person. I've tended to become more empathetic and sympathetic over the years... not that it helps my state of mind any.

Yeah, that's interesting you've become more empathetic.

I was super empathetic when I was a kid because I went to church, had my mom and grandmother guiding me to be a good person, and I believed if you were good to others, others would be good to you, so I had a lot of time and love to take care of other people out of the kindness of my heart.

However, overtime, as more people bullied me in elementary school, middle school, and high school, I started to be afraid of my peers, but still empathized. Then, in community college, I was practically invisible to my peers, focused on my work, and dealt with sexual harassment from gross guys, which made me even more lacking in empathy, and then at jobs, I've been bullied so bad, I can't even work without developing health issues caused by anxiety.

Makes me think, why should I help a fellow person when I know that they'll probably screw me over once they get what they want from me?

 

[Laststop]

Yeah, that's interesting you've become more empathetic.

I was super empathetic when I was a kid because I went to church, had my mom and grandmother guiding me to be a good person, and I believed if you were good to others, others would be good to you, so I had a lot of time and love to take care of other people out of the kindness of my heart.

However, overtime, as more people bullied me in elementary school, middle school, and high school, I started to be afraid of my peers, but still empathized. Then, in community college, I was practically invisible to my peers, focused on my work, and dealt with sexual harassment from gross guys, which made me even more lacking in empathy, and then at jobs, I've been bullied so bad, I can't even work without developing health issues caused by anxiety.

Makes me think, why should I help a fellow person when I know that they'll probably screw me over once they get what they want from me?

I've dealt with bulling too. To make matters worst, I'm a big guy. I would fight people at a younger age, then get accused of being a bully myself for being in so many fights. I'd get my ass kicked by my violent father, so I learned to just take it. The one thing I hate about humans is the love of hurting other people from bulling. If I mess with another person and see it bothers them, or realize they aren't equipped to fool around back, I back off. I stop. So many people, when they see your pain and inability to rise up to defend yourself don't stop and back off. They get a thrill out of hurting someone. Almost, but not quite, like an animal that gets a thrill out of attacking. Not quite, because they aren't doing it out of a natural instinct they shouldn't be expected better of. They do it out of a sick place I don't understand. People will push people into suicide. Then the ones who did it, and the people around them, act like, "what? It's the natural way of things for the bullies to pick on weaker people who are alone, with no defence, and no one to fight for them. If so and so killed themselves they're just weak." And a lot of people are OK with that?!? You can't call someone by a racially insensitive name, or people lose their minds. But 20 or 30 kids can mentally torture another kid until they can't stand to live anymore. This world is f*&^ed up.

 

[Lookingforabus]

Yeah, that's interesting you've become more empathetic.

[...]

Makes me think, why should I help a fellow person when I know that they'll probably screw me over once they get what they want from me?

Maybe I'm just a sensitive guy or something... at least I hide it extremely well.

Don't get me wrong, I'm also a cynic and a misanthrope, and I've learned the lesson about no good deed going unpunished very well... but still, I find my heart breaking for people, even the worst of people on a regular basis. Rapists, murderers, even incompetent, borderline-white-supremacist, waste-of-skin US presidents. Not to minimize the lives they've ruined or excuse their actions in any way, but... damn, it's heartbreaking (for me) to think about how damaged and miserable they'd have to be to do what they do, and heartbreaking again when I think about how wide that misery is spread as they pass that damage and misery onto others.

<shrug> When all is said and done, it's just another reason to die.

 

[Wayfaerer]

That you know of.

True, but nobody has also died young either except one and I know it was the result of probable medical malpractice. I'm sure that they'll blame my death on mental illness rather than anyone accepting any accountability e.g. pushing prozac on a non-suicidal teenager among other things.

Doesn't make it any less painful, does it?

It makes it even more painful in my opinion, knowing that it was all avoidable. I don't believe in free will so perhaps it wasn't after all. It's at least something that gives me comfort albeit also tremendous frustration. I was born only to live a life of pain and bitter disappointment it seems.