I think I made my decision

[affirmatice]

I think… I made my decision.

Which is to say I don't think I can overcome or adapt to the challenge I'm facing.

One that will only continue to get worse in the future.

I have a few things to enjoy for the rest of the year. I'll try my best to live these months fully. A trip with some friends, see my long distance girlfriend in person hopefully, visit my family.

And then after the new year, I may call it quits.

It'll be difficult - maybe impossible to fully enjoy these moments, with what's going on in my head and my impending plan. But no matter what, I just could not find a way to accept the harsh truths of my current life.

It's been extremely exhausting to live the past 5 years. I'm sad that this is the way my story will end. But if anything I'd rather go out on the highest note I can. Rather than continue to spiral down, self sabotage, and suffer everyday.

There are many things that could've prevented me from being in this position… I tormented myself endlessly for years over how things could've gone. But the reality is I have to accept these facts of my life. And I guess this is my form of acceptance. Accepting that I may never be happy and may never live the life I wanted to live. To me, death is more preferable than falling short of my own expectations.

 

[FuneralCry]

It sounds like you've suffered a lot but anyway I wish you the best, I hope that you find what you are searching for.

 

[WallowingWillow]

I think… I made my decision.

Which is to say I don't think I can overcome or adapt to the challenge I'm facing.

One that will only continue to get worse in the future.

I have a few things to enjoy for the rest of the year. I'll try my best to live these months fully. A trip with some friends, see my long distance girlfriend in person hopefully, visit my family.

And then after the new year, I may call it quits.

It'll be difficult - maybe impossible to fully enjoy these moments, with what's going on in my head and my impending plan. But no matter what, I just could not find a way to accept the harsh truths of my current life.

It's been extremely exhausting to live the past 5 years. I'm sad that this is the way my story will end. But if anything I'd rather go out on the highest note I can. Rather than continue to spiral down, self sabotage, and suffer everyday.

There are many things that could've prevented me from being in this position… I tormented myself endlessly for years over how things could've gone. But the reality is I have to accept these facts of my life. And I guess this is my form of acceptance. Accepting that I may never be happy and may never live the life I wanted to live. To me, death is more preferable than falling short of my own expectations.

I feel the exact same as you. Might stick around for the holidays for the sake of family and give myself time to find a good home for my dog. But by my calculations I will never find the will to keep living or have hope that things will change. So I'd better be practical and start planning. At least then I'll have an end to my suffering to look forward to.