Hi all, I've been chronically suicidal most of my life which I suppose has eventually lead me to this forum. Not to turn this post into a blog entry-- but I have faced much adversity in life, including mental illness & homelessness, of which drug use goes somewhat hand in hand with. I started using drugs when I was homeless for the first time at 16, beginning with cannabis, then later benzodiazepines and harder substances, before eventually discovering psychedelics. I recall the psychedelics helping me greatly during this time in my life and helping with the suicidal ideation, albeit temporarily.
Anyway, fast forward about 7 years and I am no longer homeless but still as suicidal as ever. I reached an especially low pit of despair over the winter, around when I made the account here. I was in the psych ward 3 times, wrote a suicide note, and was quite intent with going through with it, until I rediscovered drugs. Specifically those of the dissociative category, Ketamine, Dextromethorphan, mostly Ket though. If you are unaware, dissociative drugs, and especially Ketamine, have a strong antidepressant effect. Ketamine is actually used clinically to treat severe depression, although perusing such treatment under medical observation is prohibitively expensive, especially for someone like me, who lives in adjunct modern poverty. My use of Ketamine has managed to pull me out of the void for the first time I can ever really recall- I've seemingly managed to work through years of trauma in the span of days with the help of it, and came to a sense of happiness and hope. I've even put together a list of goals I would like to achieve in the coming year(s). I am tentatively hopeful of continuing using this drug in a positive manner to combat my depression and improve my life, and am looking into procuring some classical psychedelics in hopes that they may help as well.
I suppose I'm wondering if anyone else has had a similar experience? I started using drugs again because I had reached rock bottom and no longer cared. For all intents and purposes, I was planning on dying, so I felt I might as well enjoy myself before I went through with it, but instead have seemingly discovered substances that may allow me to finally turn my life around.
Anyway, fast forward about 7 years and I am no longer homeless but still as suicidal as ever. I reached an especially low pit of despair over the winter, around when I made the account here. I was in the psych ward 3 times, wrote a suicide note, and was quite intent with going through with it, until I rediscovered drugs. Specifically those of the dissociative category, Ketamine, Dextromethorphan, mostly Ket though. If you are unaware, dissociative drugs, and especially Ketamine, have a strong antidepressant effect. Ketamine is actually used clinically to treat severe depression, although perusing such treatment under medical observation is prohibitively expensive, especially for someone like me, who lives in adjunct modern poverty. My use of Ketamine has managed to pull me out of the void for the first time I can ever really recall- I've seemingly managed to work through years of trauma in the span of days with the help of it, and came to a sense of happiness and hope. I've even put together a list of goals I would like to achieve in the coming year(s). I am tentatively hopeful of continuing using this drug in a positive manner to combat my depression and improve my life, and am looking into procuring some classical psychedelics in hopes that they may help as well.
I suppose I'm wondering if anyone else has had a similar experience? I started using drugs again because I had reached rock bottom and no longer cared. For all intents and purposes, I was planning on dying, so I felt I might as well enjoy myself before I went through with it, but instead have seemingly discovered substances that may allow me to finally turn my life around.
