another update. a friend informed the police, i talked my self out of hit but agreed on going to a psych ward next week, so i tried to ctb today. im sorry, i just couldn't. my phone died and with no light at 4am in a garden shed thats sealed airtight its hard to mix two chemicals without seeing, and i thought about it. my body has the unresistable craving/desire for attention, someone that cares for me, and not only when i'm about to die. i'm going to my brothers right now, which is about 300miles away (public transport in germany -> 4 hours ish) I didnt mix any chemicals whatsoever, just spilled a tiny bit of acid into the lime sulfur (btw really smells like a violently wet fart) and it only took 1 minute for me to feel severe eye irritation (remember i only spilled about 10ml) and my sense of smell started to fade away, thats when my phone died as i was about to pour the rest. i could be dead & not worry about these cravings for someone that cares anymore, but they are so strong that i chose to not die and go after them. i'll be going to a psych ward and give it another try.. with getting well. thank everybody here. @admins no need to ban my account, i'll be looking arround in the recovery thread section. thank everyone!