Goodbye Thread

[DISAppearr]

I am scared of the cloth breaking in between and not actually killing me so hanging is on the third. I really really wanted to buy SN, but I live with people so I can't sadly very sadly I hate it. I find myself to cut myself pretty easily without getting freaked out. So gonna cut the radial artery in my wrist. Many adviced me it's a bad idea, but what else can I do? I don't see any other option. I have to die. I absolutely have to. If u guys have any tips, I'd really appreciate that :)

Either tomorrow or day after tmr, I'll do the deed. Finally the day I was so excited for. Finally it's gonna be over. I'm so happy I will be able to do this.
I didn't find much info abt this method sadly.
I don't even have a private space for doing it. After cutting if all goes well, I need minimum 1.5 hrs of no intervention. Or else I can easily be saved. So I have to hope no one comes to the terrace where I'm gonna do it.
All this aside I really wanted to rant abt this world. It's so cruel. So hard to survive. I hate it. I hate it. I hate it. I wanna scream out loud n cry ahhhh. These humans are pathetic. They like to judge so easily that's what drives their lives. As a parent, u control ur kid and try to be as tough as u can. Since you shouldn't let them have it easy right?? As a stranger, when they see u killing urself, they will be disgusted by u, and do character assassination as if we're doing some crime. Like bruhhh heck u. Why don't u mind ur own business. Why make me feel guilty or a bad person. Whoever who doesn't fit in the current society's expectations, these people will put u down n treat themselves superior and carry out judgements which ultimately do decide a lot. I'm an not a bad person, when I'm happily gonna end myself. This world has a lot of potential to be better. It's a bad time to live in. Human life is so fragile, just hitting somewhere wrong, or being in a bad situation, u can easily ruin ur life. Be it medically, jobs, law, etc. It's all so fragile and dangerous. I already feel guilty for having a much better life than most of the people. I don't deserve it I better end myself. My friends they are really supportive n kind. But I still expect too much love. I want love very badly. I want to be loved n desired. But then I realise no, someone better deserves it. Since childhood I've been dissociative. I've never really been on earth. Don't know who I am or what exactly I am. Never ever opened up my heart to anybody not even to the people close to me. Never trusted anybody even as toddler. Not even a second in my life have I relaxed or felt emotionally secured. But still idk how I carry myself out to be so loving n helpful to others. I always smile idk why. I give everyone my everything, but not a single person actually loves me. I come off as weak person?? Coz I'm just too kind n smiling n forgiving? Or maybe I'm having too high standards or am rebelling but whatever. I'm glad I'm gonna disappear. It's really enthralling.
I'm thankful I actually have the chance to end myself peacefully n painlessly. I'm really sensitive to pain.
Bye. I hope u all find peace too. And be able to do what makes u happy. Wish u guys the absolute best and love . And this team n community is doing absolutely amazing. Those people who are jealous we gonna find peace by disappearing say else wise. Ignore those pieces of s***. Such warm n kind people here. Thank you!! For everything.

 

[Praestat_Mori]

I'm sorry you have to go through this. I hope you find peace.

 

[geepeedee]

Cutting is very unlikely to be either peaceful or painless. Are you sure you have no other way?

 

[DISAppearr]

Cutting is very unlikely to be either peaceful or painless. Are you sure you have no other way?

It is painless for me since I cut very slowly n carefully so there's no kind of pain. I have no problem with the blood staining everything n all, so it's peaceful for me. I don't feel scared of this. Why wud it be unlikely tho? Like I have a blood volume of 3 litres. And a 3 cm vertical cut will definitely cause significant bleeding

 

[geepeedee]

It is painless for me since I cut very slowly n carefully so there's no kind of pain. I have no problem with the blood staining everything n all, so it's peaceful for me. I don't feel scared of this. Why wud it be unlikely tho? Like I have a blood volume of 3 litres. And a 3 cm vertical cut will definitely cause significant bleeding

As long as you're sure.

 

[whywere]

Peace and love to you.

Always around if you change anything, you ARE a part of my family, and I so wish you to be here.

Walter

 

[darksouls]

good luck,
I wish you the best, I hope you find relief from suffering

 

[CaramelAppleStars]

Much luck, you deserve peace in whatever path you take

 

[Jadeith]

Why wud it be unlikely tho?

Source: https://sanctioned-suicide.net/threads/non-methods-that-should-not-be-attempted.177799/

As for your post, forgive (or not, your choice) my questions but i was trained as a scientist. Training failed but some habits still remain, so:

I have to die. I absolutely have to

Why? You don't look as a bad person. You didn't report any chronic pain. And that others are assholes and world went to shit? You'd be punishing yourself for mistakes of others. It is a reason alright but me personally? I wouldn't give them such level of satisfaction. Just sayin'...

As a parent, u control ur kid and try to be as tough as u can

Tough? No. That kills kindness. Wouldn't want my kid lose empathy. But well prepared for life? Definitely. At least that's what i'm aiming for.

I already feel guilty for having a much better life than most of the people. I don't deserve it I better end myself.

Survivor's guilt. You deserve painless and peaceful life jus as much as next person.

Don't know who I am or what exactly I am.

Careful. This one might be actually a blessing. I know exactly who and what i am. And i hate it.

I always smile idk why.

A mask. Quite popular one. You want to hide what's inside you so you smile.

not a single person actually loves me

My friends they are really supportive n kind.

Data mismatch. That does not add up.

I come off as weak person?? Coz I'm just too kind n smiling n forgiving?

Kindness is indeed often exploited by evil people. But i wouldn't call it a weakness.

I'm really sensitive to pain.

It is painless for me since I cut very slowly n carefully so there's no kind of pain.

Another data mismatch. To reach arteries ANYWHERE on your body, you need to cut deep. Or long. Or both. Painful even if performed slow.

Anyway, no matter what path you choose to follow, i wish you it will be peaceful and painless.

 

[DISAppearr]

View attachment 197046

Source: https://sanctioned-suicide.net/threads/non-methods-that-should-not-be-attempted.177799/

As for your post, forgive (or not, your choice) my questions but i was trained as a scientist. Training failed but some habits still remain, so:

Why? You don't look as a bad person. You didn't report any chronic pain. And that others are assholes and world went to shit? You'd be punishing yourself for mistakes of others. It is a reason alright but me personally? I wouldn't give them such level of satisfaction. Just sayin'...

Tough? No. That kills kindness. Wouldn't want my kid lose empathy. But well prepared for life? Definitely. At least that's what i'm aiming for.

Survivor's guilt. You deserve painless and peaceful life jus as much as next person.

Careful. This one might be actually a blessing. I know exactly who and what i am. And i hate it.

A mask. Quite popular one. You want to hide what's inside you so you smile.



Data mismatch. That does not add up.


Kindness is indeed often exploited by evil people. But i wouldn't call it a weakness.


Another data mismatch. To reach arteries ANYWHERE on your body, you need to cut deep. Or long. Or both. Painful even if performed slow.

Anyway, no matter what path you choose to follow, i wish you it will be peaceful and painless.

Heyy theree!!! Thank you very much for ur wholesome comment I really appreciate it :)
So abt the data mismatch, people around me are sweet and kind. I have friends who won't betray, and are there for me to vent, hangout etc. But somehow I don't trust them. I really idk how to put it in words abt myself and how I view the world. But I see humans here as characters. When u watch a film or anything u won't be attached to them coz u know they're just acting out. So I feel I just have to perform in this world. It's on me, to work hard enough to be loved. I see everyone as characters who I don't feel connected with, who I have to win over and still. In simple words I feel like I'm kneeling down to people grabbing their leg to love me, to be kinder to me. I've been feeling this way for as long as my memory takes me maybe it's a biological thing. But yeah, I never leaned on anybody nor felt actually loved or safe enough to calm down. This anxiety is so crazy that I literally have been a robot all the time. Switching my brain off from myself and I feel like I'm only a viewer in this world. And I realized this abt myself recently so I didn't even know I was suffering. I always viewed my suffering as nothing n didn't even think abt it. I see so much imperfections in this world which is why I believe it's such a mess to live like this, and hence wanna disappear it doesn't bother me anyway.

Yeah the link u provided, I had gone through it, all the resources available here. Been researching on this method for months but couldn't really find anything. I had been cutting myself sometimes on my palm. In the area above the artery, I have scarred really bad. I had cut vertically abt 4 mm deep(ik it is pretty deep google says 5 mm, and nerves don't lie above the artery I suppose). And it wasn't painful for me as I was doing it very slowly(like hrs for just a few millimeters). Which is why I said I find it painless(normally even some hit or anything knocks the soul outta me that's why I said I'm sensitive to pain). I stopped cutting there coz my family was growing suspicious abt it. So I again cut recently idk why it was hurting so much. Maybe coz I was cutting in the scar that was already itchy. I will try to figure that out n research more. Pls do correct me if I was wrong abt anything. You were a scientist in which field if I may ask?

Thank you sorry if I offended you I didn't mean that

 

[Apathy79]

There's an outside chance you can die with this method, but a far greater chance you won't. Have you thought through what happens then? And if it might limit your options down the road?

 

[Jadeith]

But somehow I don't trust them.

But I see humans here as characters.

If i understand you correctly - you disassociate not only yourself, but also your friends as a form of projection (?). Not sure if it's a correct word but it seem fitting. And while i do not feel same way, i can understand that living like that can be real pain in the ass. I'd like you to keep one thing in mind tho. The fact that you see them as characters doesn't mean that they actually act or perform. There's strong possibility that they actually care for you, maybe even to a point of love. I perfectly understand lack of trust but you might want to try to talk to them about how you feel and how they feel about you. I mean, even if they're lying, what do you have to lose? You already want to forfeit your very being so a talk or two wouldn't hurt, no?

I stopped cutting there coz my family was growing suspicious abt it. So I again cut recently idk why it was hurting so much. Maybe coz I was cutting in the scar that was already itchy

It hurts because cutting in general hurts. If you do it slowly and not so deep, pain response might not be as severe but it will be there for sure. As you noticed, goes double for scar tissue. Also keep in mind that your body has failsafe in place in case of a blood loss. It might be not as effective with rapid opening of the blood vessels but if you do it slowly, organism will have time to react and clot damaged part. That's why those who favor cutting recommend cutting along the veins, not across them. And that will hurt a lot. Not to mention that if you miss, you won't achieve desired effect and risk losing motor functions in affected limb. So while i understand your desperation in search for a way out from this world, i strongly voice against this particular method. You don't want to end up disabled, in pain and still alive. And most probably detained in some form of mental facility or another as your fam&friend won't let it slide.

You were a scientist in which field if I may ask?

i was supposed to be biochemist

sorry if I offended you I didn't mean that

Nothing in your post was even remotely offensive. So far at least. And i'm not so easily offended. You must really try hard to achieve such effect.

 

[DISAppearr]

There's an outside chance you can die with this method, but a far greater chance you won't. Have you thought through what happens then? And if it might limit your options down the road?

Sorry I didn't understand anything. If u meant what damage it wud do, I suppose nerve damage if I didn't actually cut the artery itself and cut sm else

I perfectly understand lack of trust but you might want to try to talk to them about how you feel and how they feel about you. I mean, even if they're lying, what do you have to lose? You already want to forfeit your very being so a talk or two wouldn't hurt, no?

I do tend to share a lot of things to the people around me. Abt my suicidal thoughts I have talked for hrs with a childhood friend n even my crush sometimes. But still I feel so distant from them. I just can't feel it idk why. I feel like I owe them and that they did the biggest favor by giving me their time n all. It's not their fault ofc it's me whose weird and can't even feel love or open up my heart feel safe with anybody. I'm normally very cheerful. I have masked myself to such an extent where I don't even think of anything else and it is suffocating being so absent minded. But it's a win for me, since it allows me to be heavily ideated with suicidal thoughts and not think of anything else or be scared by death n stuff.

Umm is there any way to dm you? Like I had cut along vertically by feeling it's pulse. The radial neve lies a bit away right from the artery. Im so confused now it wasn't really paining when I was cutting back then but today it was. Really weird

 

[Jadeith]

I feel like I owe them and that they did the biggest favor by giving me their time n all.

Time..... yes, that's very valuable resource. I guess you are valuable to them then. Otherwise they wouldn't share such precious resource with you. An i don't think you owe them. You might want to pay them back - that's natural response for any decent person. But you don't owe them. It wasn't a loan. It was a gift. Because they care.

Umm is there any way to dm you?

Honestly? I do not know. I've never used this feature here.

Like I had cut along vertically by feeling it's pulse. The radial neve lies a bit away right from the artery. Im so confused now it wasn't really paining when I was cutting back then but today it was. Really weird

Maybe you did sth different, maybe you were in different state of mind, like desensitized or sth. Can't really tell. Yet another reason to avoid this method. Too many variables. Too many things that can go wrong.

 

[FuneralCry]

I hope you find peace from suffering.