Venting General thread for my vents about wanting to die

[FuneralCry]

Only non-existence can solve everything for me.
It truly is all that can solve everything for me in this existence so torturous, cruel and terrible and I'd just never wish to suffer in this existence rather all I want is some peace, I just want to never suffer in this dreadful existence ever again.

No matter what I'll just always prefer to not exist than be tortured in this existence, I just want non-existence to solve what I see as the true problem which is existence itself, I just hope for no more torture and no more suffering and I suffer simply from existing, it's just all so cruel, terrible and dreadful, I just want to be gone.

 

[FuneralCry]

Feels like I've suffered for so long in this existence so torturous.
It truly does feel like I've suffered for so long and no matter what I'd just never wish for the torture of existing, I just want some peace from the suffering of existing and I'll just always see existing as only suffering.

I suffer simply from being burdened with this terrible, torturous existence, I just want peace from the torture of existing, I just want to never suffer again and I'll always see existence as the problem, all I want is for non-existence to solve everything for me in this existence I just always saw as the most terrible mistake.

 

[FuneralCry]

There is so much cruelty in how peaceful death is denied.
There truly is so much terrible cruelty and suffering in how peaceful death is denied for me and I always suffer from being trapped in this terrible, dreadful existence that just causes all this cruelty, harm, suffering and torture with no limit as to how much agony one can feel.

No matter what I'll just always prefer to not exist than be tortured in this existence I just always saw as the most terrible, cruel mistake, all I hope for is no more suffering, I just want to never suffer again, I just want peace from the torture of this dreadful, painful existence, all I want is to cease existing painlessly and never suffer again.

 

[FuneralCry]

Always finding it so undesirable to suffer in this existence.
I truly will always find it so undesirable to suffer in this existence, for me only non-existence could ever be desirable and as long as I exist I'll only hope for peace from the torture of existing.

I just want to never suffer again and in this existence so torturous and painful only non-existence can bring me any relief, I just wish to be free from this dreadful deeply undesirable existence that just causes all this torture, harm and suffering with no limit as to how much agony one can feel, I'm just always so tired of being burdened with this terrible, cruel existence.

 

[FuneralCry]

Only eternal sleep can bring me the peace I search for.
It truly is all that can bring me the peace I search for from the suffering and torture of existing, I just want to never suffer again and in this existence of torturous suffering only non-existence can bring me any relief.

I just want to be gone, I just hope to be free from the suffering of this dreadful, painful and deeply undesirable existence, I just want this existence to be all gone, forgotten and erased for me, I'll just always find it so torturous to suffer, I'm just always so tired of suffering in this cruel existence.

 

[FuneralCry]

Always and only hoping for all to be gone for me.
For all to be gone for me in non-existence is just all I hope for, I just want to be free from the terrible torture and suffering of this existence I just always saw as a mistake and I suffer simply from being burdened with this torturous existence.

For me non-existence is just all that's desirable in this existence so dreadful that just tortures and harms existing beings, I just want all to be gone, forgotten and erased for me, I just hope for no more suffering and I just suffer so much as a result of this torturous existence, to erase this existence is just all I could hope for, I wish for no more torture and no more suffering.

 

[purebliss]

Hey @FuneralCry

I have one question.
You have been here for almost 6 years now. From your threads and your replies to goodbye threads I took away that you are in great pain and emotional distress.

I have been living in this psychological hell of my brain for 13 years now starting somewhere around I turned 13-14 but only about 1 year in total I have felt the active desire to die.
It is so incredibly unbearable to be what I am. My emotions mixed together into a cocktail of embarrassing psychotic impulsiveness hell.
I can not sleep properly either sleeping the entire day or feeling like I am standing in an active shopping mall with voices from all directions,
I can not eat properly either overeating or not eating at all,
I switch from laughing to crying to euphoric to depressed in 10 second intervals,
I sometimes lose all feelings all together being left with a terrible void in my chest area just to get hit again with those intense emotions after a bit,
I can be in a room full of my most loved people and still feel as lonely as if I have been abandoned by all,
I can't think straight, feel straight, be in any way functional at all.
I do things I regret a few Minutes after I have done them just to repeat them a few minutes later

My sheer existence is absolute hell and that is the sole reason for me being on this forum: Finding an ending to this intense suffering.
Now my question is: Do you... "enjoy" the suffering?
You have been here for so, so long. Some people find meaning, heck even an artistic view in their suffering.
I am 100% certain that someone has offered you Nembutal already here or give you any other advice on a painless and swift end.
Or offered you mental assistance in some way or another

Why exactly do you persist?
It is not meant in a judging way at all. I have also found a poetic and artistic view in my masochistic tendencies. For me physical pain from others I adore is also not just "pleasure" but something that my brain craves, something I actively look forward to and even philosophize about.
I did not manage to find any art or poetry in my mental suffering, though.

Is that the case with you, though?
That you "enjoy" the mental suffering of your own and others?

I am genuinely curious what kept you going for so, so long

Thank you for your reply<3

 

[inneedrelief]

Always and only hoping for all to be gone for me.
For all to be gone for me in non-existence is just all I hope for, I just want to be free from the terrible torture and suffering of this existence I just always saw as a mistake and I suffer simply from being burdened with this torturous existence.

For me non-existence is just all that's desirable in this existence so dreadful that just tortures and harms existing beings, I just want all to be gone, forgotten and erased for me, I just hope for no more suffering and I just suffer so much as a result of this torturous existence, to erase this existence is just all I could hope for, I wish for no more torture and no more suffering.

What is your suffering? I really wanna know

 

[FuneralCry]

Always finding it dreadful to suffer in this existence.
I really will always find it so dreadful to suffer in this existence and I'd just never wish for the pain, suffering, cruelty and torture of existing rather all I want is some peace and I'll just only be at peace once this dreadful existence I just always saw as a mistake is finally all forgotten.

I'll just always prefer to not exist than suffer and for me existing will just always be only suffering, I suffer simply from being burdened with this dreadful, painful existence and there's just so much pain in this terrible, torturous existence, I'll just always find it torture to suffer in this existence.