Venting General thread for my vents about wanting to die

[Well_Its_Time]

The cruelty of being denied painless death.
I'll always see so much cruelty in how the option to peacefully cease existing to escape from this existence of unnecessary suffering is denied for me with suffering seen as to force and prolong no matter what instead even know I never would have chosen and never would have wisher for any of this, nothing no matter what would make me wish for the suffering of existing and I'd always prefer to not exist. It's horrific to me how a human can exist for so long with no limit as to how much agony they can feel just to be tortured by old age, in general I find it such a burden to exist and it's a burden so futile and torturous that I see no benefit to and no value to rather existence just feels like a mistake to me and I'd just always prefer to not exist than suffer.

I never wished to suffer in the first place and I'm always so tired of suffering in this existence, it's tiredness that only an eternal dreamless sleep could ever take away for me, I see so much cruelty in how I cannot just have the option to fall asleep eternally with no risks of trying to die going wrong and leading to way worse agony. I personally just want some peace from this existence of endless suffering and peace for me could only lie in non-existence, it's all I wish and hope for, I just want to never suffer ever again, I always suffer so much from how I cannot just have the option to permanently stop suffering, I just hope for permanent relief from the torturous burden of existence, I just hope to finally forget about this existence.

I am sorry that you are going through this. You have helped a lot of people with your words. You know that I am on your boat with the suffering. Trying to somehow make each minute pass and watch the sun rise and set on each day without direction. We need you here and appreciate all that you do

 

[FuneralCry]

Existence to me is the most torturous abomination.
To me existence truly is the most torturous abomination that just causes endless amounts of suffering until non-existence takes away all anyway, it really is all so terrible and painful to me, nothing no matter what would make me wish for any of this, I wish I was never burdened with this existence that was completely unnecessary and just caused and brought so much pain and suffering all for the sake of it. I really am always so tired of suffering in this existence, for me non-existence would be the solution to suffering and is all I see as positive, I just wish for the peace of an eternal dreamless sleep where all is finally forgotten and there is no more suffering, no more cruelty, I only wish for peace from the torturous, harmful abomination of existence that has just tortured existing beings and caused so much harm.

I see it as something so terrible to be forced to suffer in this horrific reality capable of suffering to unlimited extents, the suffering this existence causes is endless and it just continues, I'd never wish to suffer in this cruel, futile existence no matter what rather I just want some peace instead, existence itself really is the true problem for me and always will be no matter what and it's a problem that only non-existence can solve for me. I'll always see existence as an abomination, existence just causes so much suffering until death takes away all anyway and to be permanently unable to suffer is all I could hope for, I'll always find it so dreadful to exist, I'd always prefer to not exist than be burdened with this existence that is always an abomination to me and always will be.

 

[FuneralCry]

Always preferring non-existence.
No matter what I truly would always prefer to not exist than suffer in this torturous, futile existence, the peace of an eternal dreamless sleep is all I wish and hope for, I'd personally be so relieved to never suffer ever again, I'm always so tired of being burdened with this existence and it's a burden that only non-existence can take away for me and bring me peace from, I just want this existence to be all forgotten about for me but of course the suffering just continues with me just hoping and wishing to sleep permanently.

For me non-existence is all that's positive and is all that can bring me any relief from suffering in this torturous, unnecessary existence, I was never meant for any of this and I never should have suffered at all, I'd always prefer to not exist as only then can nothing concern me, only then is this cruel, painful existence finally no longer my problem, nothing no matter what would make me wish for the suffering of existing rather I just to painlessly cease existing and forget about it all, I just want this existence to be all forgotten about for me. Non-existence truly is always preferable for me than being enslaved in this existence just to be tortured by old age with no limit as to how much agony one can feel, human existence really is just pointless suffering to me, I just hope and wish to never suffer ever again and I find it so tragic how this existence was even imposed at all, existence to me really is the most terrible, horrific tragedy that just causes and brings so much pain, I really would always prefer to not exist.

 

[forsakenfrog]

I'd like to put my two cents out into the ether. I highly don't anyone would read this, which, all things considered is probably a good thing.

I think I was born wrong? Like broken ig. I mean not in two, something that's visible, but just slightly hollow in the inside. Something that's there and you know it, you think everyone has it and feels this way and maybe that's just a part of being a human. Everyone has a hole in them, they try to fill it but it never really goes away. I always disliked this about myself, my friends could move on from a slight, forget it tomorrow, but all alights on me would smudge. They would perforate, the ink would settle deep inside me. Gradually. At first, I too could ignore this ink, but smudges in the same spot, often leave marks. They don't go away. Eventually the deep ink in my skin becomes part of me. I am what you say I am if you say it often enough. I will buy into it, reinforce it, make it my identity and I will make it hurt me. This ink accumulates and it is me now. There is no ink without me, there is no me without ink. I am dirty now, and I could never be clean.


I thought other people were the same way. They're honestly not, other people trip, scrape their knee, get up and keep running. I trip, and i start to question why I'm running in the first place. Is it not better to bleed? Do I not honestly deserve this? Would it not be better to let this ink spill. I don't get up. I stay down. Life hits me with a punch, sometimes I try to get up I fight. I fight for a day, I fight well. I do not fight tomorrow. I do not fight the next day, or the day after that, not until life punches me again. I am only a one day fighter. I look at people who overcame, who saw radical change. I wonder how? How could a singular moment change a person to such a degree? I am too polluted, there is too much ink in me. There is no changing it. I am stuck, I have always been this way, I am this way, I will always be this way.


A good for nothing. Never good at anything. Shallow, small, tired, lazy, bad, pathetic, unworthy, ungrateful. I will die, and whenever I do, there will be no legacy left of me, except regret that I even existed in the first place. Objectively, everyone in my life would have been better off had I not existed. There is still time, I can save them from myself, from the misery that is I. I just need to be strong and fight one last time, and then there will be no fight anymore. Just ink.

 

[FuneralCry]

Existence is forced suffering to me.
It truly is forced suffering to me as after all this existence was so tragically imposed yet I'm denied the option to just peacefully cease existing and never suffer ever again, all I wish is for this existence to be all forgotten about for me, I just don't want to suffer at all rather I just want some peace instead, I just wish for the peace of an eternal dreamless sleep where all is finally gone. I'd always prefer to not exist than suffer in this horrific reality where suffering is seen as to force and prolong no matter what and non-existence truly is all I'll hope for, I'll always see it as deeply undesirable to suffer in this existence and I see so much cruelty in how I cannot just have the option to permanently stop suffering, I just hope and wish to never exist ever again.

I have no interest in suffering in this existence, I see nothing desirable about the futile and torturous burden of existing as a human rather I just want to die peacefully and forget about it all, for me non-existence truly is the only peace, I just wish for peace from the forced suffering of existing where there's no acceptance towards the wish to not exist even know to me existing really is just waiting to die anyway and I'd never wish for any of this no matter what. I just want to not exist instead, I'll only be at peace once I'n finally free from this existence of pointless suffering and cruelty where there's no limit as to how much agony one can feel, this existence of forced suffering really was never worth it for me and I wish I never suffered more than anything.