Venting General thread for my vents about wanting to die

[FuneralCry]

Existing is just waiting to die anyway.
I'll always see existing as just waiting to die anyway, it's all so futile to me, I'm going to cease existing anyway with all finally gone and forgotten about for me which is of course all I've ever hoped for and will do no matter what. And this is why it's so horrible and cruel to me how I cannot just have the option to just die in peace as death is all that's inevitable anyway so I'd prefer to die sooner to save myself from unnecessary suffering in this existence I never would have wished for and never would have chosen. I'll always find it deeply undesirable to suffer in this meaningless, torturous existence that I just saw as a terrible mistake and I'd always prefer to not exist but really I never should have suffered at all.

I never should have become conscious, no matter what I'd prefer to stay permanently unaware of this existence where I'm just waiting to die anyway, I'd prefer to escape from and prevent suffering than prolong it just to end up way more tormented, I see existing as nothing more than waiting to die where eventually nothing can matter to me and I'll be unable to be harmed which is why there's so much cruelty in how I cannot just free myself from this existence painlessly in peace. I'd always prefer to save myself from suffering than prolong it just to be tormented by old age, personally I could never see any point and value to suffering in this existence rather existence is something I only want peace from, I only wish for the peace of never suffering ever again, I'll always be so tired of being burdened with this existence which is why I only hope and wish to be gone, non-existence truly is the only relief for me in an existence where I'm just waiting to die anyway.

 

[FuneralCry]

Existence is such a terrible, torturous imposistion.
No matter what I'll always see existence as the most terrible, torturous imposistion that just causes and brings so much suffering all for the sake of it, more than anything I wish this existence was never imposed as it would had saved me from so much suffering in this existence I just saw as a mistake. Personally I'll always see it as so dreadful to exist no matter what, I could never see value to existing as a conscious being capable of suffering to unlimited amounts in this existence that just leads to decay and death anyway rather such is a futile, cruel burden to me that I only wish for permanent peace from, I'm always so tired of being burdened with this existence and I have so much dread for what lies ahead.

I find it so terrible how this existence was imposed especially as this existence was completely unnecessary and there was never a need for it at all, there are no disadvantages to never suffering at all yet no limit as to how unbearable the torture of existing can get. Personally I'd never wish to exist, I only hope for nothingness and I wish I never became conscious at all, human existence will always be a terrible tragedy to me, I just wish I had the option to simply die in peace and forget about it all as I find it painful to be trapped in this existence without the option to just painlessly free myself from it. There's so much pain, cruelty and suffering in existing, it's all just so terrible to me and I was never meant for any of this, the way I see it this existence is an abomination that just causes harm, I only wish to be permanently relieved from the terrible imposition of existence.

 

[FuneralCry]

For me death truly could be the only relief no matter what.
For me the only relief truly could only lie in never existing again, in an existence so cruel and futile where there is all this endless suffering I personally only find comfort in death, I only wish for the peace of an eternal, dreamless sleep where all is finally gone and forgotten about for me. Death is the only relief for me as after all there is no suffering in non-existence and I cannot suffer from being permanently unconscious, what appeals to me about ceasing to exist is that if I'm gone then this existence is no longer my problem and all is finally forgotten about, I could personally never see value in being conscious in this existence rather such is a terrible burden to me that just causes suffering.

I'd never wish for any of this rather I just wish for death to bring me relief, I never should have suffered in this existence and was never meant to exist which is why I only find relief in death, I only hope to never suffer ever again, I'd be so relieved to finally be free from this torturous futile existence that always felt like a cruel mistake to me. I have no interest in suffering in this existence anyway and would always prefer to painlessly die than prolong this suffering just to end up way more tormented, I just wish for the absence of existence where finally I can be at peace, the only relief for me could lie in being permanently unable to suffer at all, I find it so deeply undesirable to exist, I always have done and always will do which is why death truly is the only relief for me, I only wish for permanent relief from all suffering in this existence I never would have wished for no matter what.

 

[FuneralCry]

Preferring non-existence over unnecessary suffering.
Personally I'd always prefer non-existence over unnecessary suffering, I'd always prefer to cease existing in peace and never think and feel anything ever again, I find it such a torturous burden to have to experience anything at all.To me existence is the most cruel, unnecessary mistake that just causes harm, I'd always prefer to not exist as after all only in death will the suffering go away for me, only in non-existence will I be unable to suffer. Personally I just don't see value in the terrible, torturous burden of human existence rather it's something I'd prefer to forget about that I only want true, eternal peace from, ceasing to exist truly is all I've ever hoped and wished for, I'd always prefer non-existence, it's all I see as desirable.

I just wish for the peace of an eternal, dreamless sleep where nothing can concern me and this existence is finally no longer my problem, to me existence will always be something completely unnecessary it just causes pain, problems and suffering there was a need for, ceasing to exist would solve everything for me as it removes the source of all that causes me to suffer which is why it's all I wish for. Non-existence truly is all that can personally bring me peace from an existence I never would have wished for and never would have chosen, I'd always prefer to painlessly cease existing where nothing can concern me than prolong all this unnecessary suffering just to die in agony tormented by old age, existence will always be something so dreadful and terrible to me no matter what, it's something I'd never wish for rather it's something I only want permanent relief from, only in death will the suffering go away for me and finally I can be at peace.

 

[FuneralCry]

Always so tired of suffering in this existence.
I truly always have felt so tired of suffering in this existence and it's tiredness that only non-existence can bring me peace from, I really was never meant to suffer in this cruel, meaningless existence and as long as I exist I'll only hope for death, I only hope for the peace of an eternal, dreamless sleep where all is gone and forgotten. Personally I just wish for non-existence, I only wish to never exist ever again, to me existence truly does just feel like a mistake, it's something so terrible and dreadful that just causes endless amounts of suffering with no limit as to how much one can suffer, I've always felt so tired, I find it tiring to be conscious and aware at all burdened with this existence.

All I hope for is to painlessly cease existing and never think or feel anything again, I wish for the permanecy of eternal sleep where all is finally gone for me and there is no more pain, it'll always feel so cruel to me how I cannot just have the option to die painlessly like never waking again to save myself from so much suffering in this existence I never would have chose. Existence itself will always be the true problem for me and I find it so dreadful to simply exist, to me existing truly does feel like only suffering and I suffer simply from being awake, I'd always prefer to not exist as after all only in non-existence will all the suffering go away for me but more than anything I wish I never existed at all, I wish I never became conscious, I'll always be so tired of it all, I'm always so tired of suffering in this existence I was never meant for that I always found so undesirable and I'll feel tired until I cease existing which is all I've ever wished for.

 

[FuneralCry]

Horrific how euthanasia is denied.
Personally I find it so horrific how the option of euthanasia is denied even despite the fact that there is no limit as to how much a human can suffer in this existence I always saw as so terrible and torturous. The way I see it to exist means to suffer so unnecessarily all while risking experiencing way worse suffering at any moment, one can easily get into a situation of way more unbearable torture and it's horrifying to me how euthanasia is denied despite this as not everyone wishes to suffer in this existence, personally I see existence as completely undesirable and would prefer to not exist no matter what.

I just don't see value in being conscious anyway rather to me existence is an abomination that just causes harm and suffering, I'd rather prevent suffering through ceasing to exist than prolong it just to die in agony from old age, personally I find it really burdensome to exist and I never would have chosen existence. The way I see it there's just so much cruelty in how humans cannot just choose to be euthanised as all I hope for is to never suffer in this existence ever again, I just wish for nothingness, I just wish for all to be gone and forgotten about for me, I wish this cruel, futile existence that to me just felt like a mistake was never imposed at all as it would had prevented all this suffering. I just wish there's acceptance towards not wishing to suffer at all, it's so terrible and dreadful to me how existence causes all this suffering so unnecessarily which is why I'd rather avoid existence no matter what, the way I see it existence just causes suffering all for the sake of it and problems there was never a need for, I see existence as an abomination that just causes endless amounts of pain, no matter what only non-existence could ever be ideal for me personally which is why I suffer so much from being unable to simply die in peace.

 

[FuneralCry]

Existence will always be an abomination to me no matter what.
I truly will always see existence as an abomination, it's something so terrible and torturous that just causes endless amounts of suffering and cruelty until death takes away all anyway, under no circumstances would I wish to suffer in this existence but rather I just wish for nothingness. I only wish for the permanent relief of never suffering ever again where I'm unconscious unable to feel any pain and unable to be harmed in any way, I personally find it so dreadful to be enslaved in this existence without the option to just painlessly free myself from it in peace.

I always have so much dread for what lies ahead especially as there is no limit as to how much agony one can feel in this existence I always saw as a terrible, tragic mistake just for one to be tortured by old age, the way I see it all that existence does is create so much harm and suffering that was completely unnecessary there was never a need for, it's all just so terrible to me, more than anything I wish I was never burdened with this cruel, futile existence. I wish I never became aware, it's so horrific to me how existence brings and causes all this suffering all for the sake of it torturing existing beings until death takes away all for them anyway. I personally only see non-existence as desirable, only in non-existence am I safe from all suffering, I wish to never experience anything at all, I'd never wish for the torture of existing as a conscious being capable of suffering to unlimited amounts. Existence can get so torturous beyond how anyone can imagine it to yet there are no disadvantages to permanent non-existence and that is why I only hope and wish for death, the suffering in this reality is endless and beyond comprehension, I was never meant to suffer in this horrific world, as long as I exist I'll only hope for relief from this abomination.

 

[FuneralCry]

Only wished for death.
I truly have only ever wished for death, I wish for the relief of never suffering ever again, in an existence so futile and torturous death truly is the only peace for me, I was never meant to exist and never should have existed at all, I've only wished for death as I see existence as the most terrible, horrific tragedy that just causes so much suffering and harm. There's just so much cruelty in existing with no limit as to how much one can suffer and as well as that I just see it as so deeply undesirable to exist in every way possible, I find it a burden to be conscious and aware and have to experience anything at all in this existence there was never a need for that just leads to decay and death anyway.

Only non-existence can bring me peace, only non-existence can solve everything for me, there's no suffering in being permanently unconscious which is why it's all I hope for, non-existence solves what I ultimately have a problem with which is existence itself, I've only ever hoped for death and it's all I'll hope for as long as I suffer in this existence. Personally I only find comfort in an eternal, dreamless sleep where this existence is no longer my concern and all is finally forgotten about, ceasing to exist would save me from all future suffering in this existence I never would have chosen as after all if I'm dead then I cannot feel anything at all, in non-existence nothing can matter to me which is why it's all I hope for. To be permanently free from the terrible, dreadful abomination that is existence is all I wish for, I'll only be at peace once I'm no longer burdened with this existence I never would have wished for.

 

[FuneralCry]

So much pain and cruelty in existing.
There truly is so much pain and cruelty in existing, it's all so terrible, as long as I exist I'll only be hoping to die in peace and forget about it all as after all only in non-existence will I be unable to suffer, only in non-existence will the suffering go away for me, I'll always see existence itself as the problem no matter what, it's the most horrific tragedy that just torments existing beings until all is gone anyway. Personally I find it such a painful burden to be conscious and have to experience anything at all, I'd never wish for any of this but rather I just want nothingness where all is forgotten about for me, I wish to cease existing where nothing in this cruel, torturous existence can matter to me.

But of course the suffering just continues instead with me just wishing to be gone, I truly was never meant to suffer in this dreadful, pointless existence, all I hope for is the peace that only eternal nothingness can bring me, I just wish to fall asleep eternally with this painful, cruel existence no longer my concern. I find existing deeply undesirable and I'd never wish to exist which is why it brings me so much pain how I cannot just painlessly die in peace to escape from all pointless suffering in this existence I always saw as a mistake. I'd never wish to prolong this suffering just to end up more tortured rather I only hope and wish for nothingness, I wish for a painless death to bring me peace from the pain of existing, I'll always see so much cruelty in how I cannot just have a death like never waking again to save me from all future unnecessary suffering in this existence I never would have chose that I saw as causing nothing but suffering in the first place.

 

[Rational man]

I read with great sadness in your post and Im sorry to hear this. But of course none of us chooses to be born. We just end up here on this cosmic dust particle called Earth. When we die, we cannot guarantee that it will be peaceful. My parents died in a pitiful way and they were not very old. Ive accepted my demise due to ill health and I know that my suffering is impermanence. When I die I will cease. I will not enjoy the peace or freedom of bodily illness because that is the annihilation of me. No great reunion with loved ones in the heavens because there's no heaven in my mind. Also, my parents never really loved me.

 

[FuneralCry]

Existence is the source of all suffering.
It truly is the source of all suffering which is why I only hope and wish for death, existence is the ultimate cause of all suffering and all that torments existing beings causing endless amounts of agony and torture with no limit as to how much an existing being can suffer and existing can easily get way more torturous, it's all just so terrible to me. I personally see existence as something so horrific, I see existence as an unnecessary harm that just torments existing beings all for the sake of it until death takes away all anyway, all I personally hope for is to die and never suffer again as after all only in non-existence will I be safe from all suffering.

Only in non-existence will I be unable to be tormented and unable to be harmed in any way, ceasing to exist removes the source of all suffering which is why it's all I wish for, I only wish to be unaware for all eternity incapable of feeling any pain, I'd personally always prefer to painlessly not exist than suffer all for the sake of it just to end up tortured by old age. For me ceasing to exist would be suffering prevention and the way for me to find safety from suffering, in an existence so cruel and torturous never existing ever again is all I can hope and wish for. I'd never wish for existence rather I see it as an abomination that causes endless amounts of harm and is so incredibly cruel, there's so much cruelty in existing which is why I only wish for non-existence, I only wish to forget about it all and never suffer ever again but of course the suffering just continues with me just hoping to be gone, I'm always so tired of being burdened with this existence I never would have chose that only ever brought me pain.

 

[FuneralCry]

Never wanting to exist.
I truly would never want to exist no matter what and I'm so tired of suffering in this cruel, torturous existence, for me ceasing to exist truly is always preferable, I just want some peace from the terrible burden of human existence and the fact that I cannot just have the option to die painlessly in an guaranteed way and never suffer ever again just feels so cruel to me. There's so much cruelty in existing, it's all just so dreadful to me and painful, under no circumstances would I wish for the futile burden of suffering in this existence and as long as I exist I'll only ever hope for death, I'd always prefer to die than to be enslaved in this existence capable of suffering to unlimited amounts, personally I just want to cease existing in peace and forget about it all.

I wish to be permanently unconscious where this terrible existence is finally no longer my problem and I can be at peace, existence itself will always be the true problem to me, I see it as an abomination that just causes suffering. Existing to me will always be deeply undesirable in every single way and what is so horrific is that it can easily get way more torturous and agonising at any moment yet I cannot just have the option of a death like never waking again to finally bring me peace. I'd never wish to exist and I find it such a terrible tragedy how this existence was imposed which is why I suffer so much from how I cannot just have the option to die and never exist again, non-existence truly is all that's desirable for me, I'd never wish to suffer in this existence no matter what, I just want peace from the terrible, torturous burden of human existence that I always saw as a cruel mistake, existence is just something so dreadful to me and it's something I was never meant for.

 

[FuneralCry]

Only in non-existence will I be safe from all suffering.
And this is why permanent non-existence is all I hope for as after all only when I no longer exist will I be safe from all cruelty, harm and suffering in this existence I always saw as the most terrible mistake in the first place, only in non-existence will I be unable to suffer with this torturous, futile existence finally all forgotten about instead.

I wish to cease existing as after all there are no disadvantages to not existing for all eternity yet there is no limit as to how unbearable the agony of existing can get, to me existence will always be an abomination that just causes existing beings to suffer all for the sake of it until they die anyway. The way I see it to exist means to suffer so unnecessarily all while risking experiencing way worse suffering at any moment just to decay and be tortured by old age and I just don't want to suffer in any way, existing to me is something deeply undesirable, personally I see no value in being conscious at all capable of suffering to unlimited extents rather I'd prefer to avoid such no matter what.

I just want to be permanently safe from all suffering where I cannot think or feel at all, I'd never wish to experience anything at all, to be conscious and aware in this reality where chance so senselessly determines everything is such a terrible, torturous burden to me and it's one I'd never wish for, instead I just want to die in peace and be unaware where nothing can matter to me and all is finally gone. I'll always see it as so horrible how I cannot just have the option to simply die in peace as I'd never wish to prolong suffering in this existence I always saw as so futile anyway, existence itself will always feel like the problem to me no matter what.

 

[badandsmall]

I've had several types of mental illnesses for more than 10 years. Depression, Anxiety, MDD, OCD and lastly was diagnosed with schizoid personality disorder. I probably have been ill longer than that because I already had some auditory/visual hallucinations as a kid. It's only gotten worse over the years. I just don't feel safe wherever I go. I'm afraid people are trying to kill me or are going to follow me to my house. I can function but I know I look weird to normal people. Even with medication and therapy, It's draining to battle these thoughts while having to handle normal life. The best track record I've maintained of attempting to function and be normal is a year. Then I there's a trigger or everything just adds up and my body and mind both fail me. Add in trauma of abuse, bullying, and isolation that comes from not being understood or simply moving at a slower pace than others. Somehow, being mentally ill is my fault because I can't resolve it the same way some people who have it occasionally.

Having some form of life long mental illness seems to be the trend in my family too. Something happens to them, they sort of just drop off from society and stop functioning normally. They sort of become the hidden secret. I'm already experiencing the same fate. I'm simply just tired of trying when I know I'll eventually go insane. I'm already disabled because of it. I've tried therapy, medication, and having a positive mindset. It just happens again no matter how much I try to avoid it or control it. Most of my relationships have already been ruined because of it. I don't have a support system and I tend to attract people that sense that something's off with me so they try to use me.

I'm in my 20's, I just want to die while I still have control over my mind and I'm still able to discern that it's my decision to do so. I don't want to function like this and I hate my brain. I hate how I've lost myself and my future just because I inherited this illness and I can't manage it. I'm made to feel guilty about it because I'm not physically disabled.

 

[FuneralCry]

Death is the only peace for me.
No matter what the only peace for me could truly only ever lie in death where all is gone and forgotten about for me, I just wish to cease existing in peace and never think, feel and experience anything ever again in fact such is all I've ever hoped for, I just wish to fall asleep permanently and finally be free from this existence I always saw as the most cruel, terrible mistake. Only death can bring me peace from this existence so futile and torturous where there is no limit as to how much one can suffer and I just don't want to suffer at all, rather I just wish for eternal non-existence instead, no matter what I'll always see it as deeply undesirable to exist which is why I just hope and wish for death.

Personally I see no value to prolonging the suffering in this existence rather existence is something I only wish for permanent peace from, I find it so burdensome having to exist at all, to me existence is a burden that just causes endless amounts of suffering and I'm so tired of being burdened with this existence. In fact I find it tiring to simply be awake, death is the only peace for me as after all only in non-existence will I be unable to suffer with this existence finally no longer my problem. I just wish to never exist ever again, peace for me could only lie in being permanently unconscious, I just wish for the peace of an eternal, dreamless sleep where I'm finally free from all pain and suffering in this existence I never would have chose, under no circumstances would I wish for existence, I just wish to never suffer ever again instead, for me non-existence truly would be the only relief, it's all I see as ideal in this reality where there is all this terrible suffering and cruelty.

 

[FuneralCry]

Always wishing to erase my existence.
Personally all I've ever wished for is to erase my existence, I just want to disappear from this cruel, futile existence, I want it to be like I never suffered at all, I just want true permanent peace from the terrible, torturous burden of human existence and the fact that I cannot just have that brings me so much pain. All I want is for all to be gone for me but of course the suffering just continues instead and I'm always so tired of it, I'll always feel so tired no matter what of being burdened with this existence, there's so much pain and cruelty in existence, it's all just so dreadful.

Being able to erase my existence would solve everything for me as after all if I don't exist then I cannot suffer, there is no suffering in non-existence which is why it's all I hope for, under no circumstances would I wish to be burdened with this existence I always saw as a such a terrible mistake rather I just want nothingness. I just hope and wish for some peace, I want it to be like this existence was never imposed in the first place as nothing under any circumstances would make me wish for the imposition of existence that just brings and causes so much suffering all for the sake of it until death takes away all anyway. Eternal non-existence truly is all I see as ideal, it's all I see as desirable, as long as I exist I'll only be ever hoping to erase my existence, I wish for non-existence to finally take all the suffering away and bring me relief from an existence I never would have wished for, all I've personally wished for is to disappear with all finally forgotten about for me, I just wish to forget about this existence that caused so much harm.

 

[FuneralCry]

So horrific how trying to die can go wrong.
Personally I find it so horrific how even trying to die can go wrong and lead to way worse suffering and torment as a result, I find it so terrifying how such can happen, it terrifies me how there is no limit as to how much agony one can feel with the risk of existing getting way more unbearable and torturous there at all times. And this is certainly a reason as to why I only wish to cease existing as after all only in non-existence am I unable to suffer and I'm permanently safe from all suffering in this existence I always saw as a terrible tragic mistake, it's just horrifying to me how trying to escape from all the suffering can lead to way worse unbearable suffering.

I just want to be at peace from it all and never suffer in this existence ever again which is why it brings me so much pain how I cannot just die in peace, I just want all to be gone and forgotten about for me, I see existence as an abomination that just causes so much harm and suffering all for the sake of it until death takes away all anyway. I'd always prefer to die no matter what than prolong all the suffering just to be tortured by old age, I just see so much cruelty in how I cannot just die in a guaranteed way with no risks of ending up in a situation of way worse suffering. The absence of the option of human euthanasia just shows what a horrific world this is, there's just so much suffering in this terrible, pointless existence, all I hope for is to never exist ever again, I'm so tired of being enslaved in this existence without the option to just simply cease existing in peace, I should have ceased existing a while ago but really I never should have existed at all.

 

[FuneralCry]

Existing is futile to me.
It truly is to me and always will be no matter what, I'd always prefer to cease existing than suffer in this futile, meaningless and torturous existence that always felt like a mistake to me, I just see existence as cruelty and suffering all for the sake of it that just serves no function but to torment existing beings until death takes away all anyway, all I personally hope for is to die and forget about this existence. I'd always prefer to cease existing than suffer so unnecessarily in this existence I never would have chose, I see existing as just waiting to die anyway, it's just futile suffering with no limit as to how much agony one can feel and I'd prefer to cease existing to escape from suffering in an existence that is just destined to decay and die anyway as after all if I don't exist I cannot suffer and all is finally forgotten about for me.

I just wish to forget about this existence that only ever brought me so much pain all for the sake of it, personally I could never see any value in suffering in this existence, I'd never wish to be conscious, I just have no interest in suffering in this existence just to be tortured by old age and die anyway rather I just want nothingness. I'd rather die to avoid all futile, pointless suffering in this existence I never would have chose but of course the suffering just continues, death is all that's inevitable for me anyway so I'd rather cease existing sooner as after all there is no suffering in the absence of existence. I wish for this existence to no longer be my problem, I wish for nothing to be able to concern me at all, to be conscious in this existence is such a futile, torturous burden to me that just brings suffering, non-existence truly is all I see as desirable and could ever be for me no matter what.

 

[FuneralCry]

Never wanting to face the torture and extreme agony of old age.
Personally I truly would never wish to face the torture and extreme agony of old age rather all I wish for is to painlessly die in peace and never suffer ever again, I just wish for permanent relief from this cruel, futile existence I always saw as the most terrible, tragic mistake. No matter what I'd always prefer to not exist than prolong all the suffering just to end up way more tortured and die anyway, to me the thought of suffering until old age is really horrific.

To me human existence is just terrible cruelty and meaningless suffering all for the sake of it that serves no function but to bring pain, it's all so dreadful to me, personally I only hope for non-existence where I cannot suffer in any way and all is finally forgotten about, I have no interest in suffering until old age and I see no value in it either rather it's something I'd never wish for. I'll always find it a burden to exist no matter what, I only want non-existence, only ceasing to exist can bring me peace from a terrible, torturous existence that just leads to way more suffering. Personally I have so much dread for what lies ahead and I'd never wish for any of this, to me existence is an abomination, I just wish I could erase my existence so it's like I never suffered at all, I want all to be gone and forgotten about for me, I find it so horrible how humans cannot just choose to be euthanised to escape from suffering, I'd never wish for a future of being enslaved in this existence I always found so burdensome just to die in agony from old age rather I just want peace, for me ceasing to exist would be suffering prevention.

 

[FuneralCry]

Existence causes endless suffering.
It truly does which is always so terrible to me, all I personally wish for is to die in peace and never suffer ever again, there is endless amounts of suffering in existence and it can easily get way more unbearable causing so much more torture and agony as a result. The way I see it existing is nothing but suffering with no limit as to how much one can suffer, I suffer simply from existing and I feel like I've suffered for so long, to me existence is such a horrific, terrible abomination that just causes so much pain, I personally just want to be unaware of it all, I'd never wish to be conscious in this existence rather I just want to never exist ever again, only in death will I be safe from the terrible endless suffering and pointless cruelty of existence but more than anything I wish I never existed at all.

I wish this existence that brought me nothing but suffering was never imposed, I'd never wish for any of this rather I'd prefer to avoid existence no matter what, there's just so much suffering in existing it's all so cruel and painful, only in non-existence will I be unable to suffer with this pointless torturous burden no longer my concern which is why all I wish for is to permanently cease existing. To me existence as the most terrible tragedy that to me has served no function but to torment existing beings all throughout history until death takes away all for them anyway, all I personally hope and wish for is non-existence, it's all I could personally see as desirable no matter what, I'll always suffer as long as I exist and it's suffering that only ceasing to exist can take away for me, I'll always see existence itself as the true problem no matter what, I'll always see it as so terrible and dreadful to exist.

 

[FuneralCry]

Feels like I've suffered for so long.
It truly does feel like I've suffered in this cruel, futile existence for so long and it's suffering that only ceasing to exist can take away for me and bring me peace from, no matter what I'll always find it so dreadful and terrible to suffer in this pointless, unnecessary existence there was never a need for that just caused so much suffering all for the sake of it, more than anything I wish I was never forced into existence.
I wish this existence was never imposed, I'll always be so tired of being burdened with this existence I always saw as a terrible mistake, for me existence itself is the problem that only ceasing to exist can bring me peace from, in an existence so pointless and torturous death truly is the only relief for me as after all only when I no longer exist will I be unable to suffer, there cannot be any suffering in the absence of existence which is why it's all I hope for.

For me death truly is always preferable to the terrible suffering and cruelty of existing, all I personally hope for is the peace of never existing again, I've suffered for so long and I never should have suffered at all, what terrifies me is how the suffering in this existence can continue for so long with no limit as to how much agony one can feel, it's so painful to suffer in this existence without the option to just simply die in peace and never exist ever again. As long as I exist I'll only ever hope for death, in an existence so torturous and pointless where there is all this endless suffering death truly is the only relief for me, it's the only relief for me from this existence that I never would have wished for where I've suffered for so long.

 

[dontwakemeup]

Feels like I've suffered for so long.
It truly does feel like I've suffered in this cruel, futile existence for so long and it's suffering that only ceasing to exist can take away for me and bring me peace from, no matter what I'll always find it so dreadful and terrible to suffer in this pointless, unnecessary existence there was never a need for that just caused so much suffering all for the sake of it, more than anything I wish I was never forced into existence.
I wish this existence was never imposed, I'll always be so tired of being burdened with this existence I always saw as a terrible mistake, for me existence itself is the problem that only ceasing to exist can bring me peace from, in an existence so pointless and torturous death truly is the only relief for me as after all only when I no longer exist will I be unable to suffer, there cannot be any suffering in the absence of existence which is why it's all I hope for.

For me death truly is always preferable to the terrible suffering and cruelty of existing, all I personally hope for is the peace of never existing again, I've suffered for so long and I never should have suffered at all, what terrifies me is how the suffering in this existence can continue for so long with no limit as to how much agony one can feel, it's so painful to suffer in this existence without the option to just simply die in peace and never exist ever again. As long as I exist I'll only ever hope for death, in an existence so torturous and pointless where there is all this endless suffering death truly is the only relief for me, it's the only relief for me from this existence that I never would have wished for where I've suffered for so long.

I wish we all could stop existing! Nobody should have to carry this much pain everyday. Least you are safe in here and we understand you. You never have to feel alone here.

 

[FuneralCry]

Death is preferable for me than suffering in this existence.
No matter what I'd always prefer to cease existing, death truly is always preferable for me than suffering in this cruel, meaningless existence I always saw as such a terrible tragic mistake that just leads to being tortured by old age anyway, personally I've always preferred to die, ceasing to exist is all I've ever seen as desirable, all that's ever appealed to me is an eternal, dreamless sleep free from all suffering and harm, I'd always prefer to die than suffer in this cruel, futile existence. To me human existence is such a terrible burden that just causes so much suffering, there's so much pain and cruelty in existing, personally I find it painful to just be conscious and I'm always so tired of it, I'd never wish to suffer in this existence where there is no limit as to how much agony one can feel rather I just want some peace instead, peace from this existence is all I need.

Under no circumstances would I wish to be burdened with this existence, for me existence could never be worth it rather it's something I'd never wish for, I truly was never meant to suffer in this existence and never should have suffered at all, to me existence will always be an abomination and it's one that just causes pain and suffering. I'll always see it as so terrible and dreadful to suffer in this existence no matter what and it's suffering that only death can take away for me, I'd always prefer to not exist as after all I cannot suffer from not existing, being permanently unaware and unconscious truly is all I see as desirable, I only hope to never suffer ever again.

 

[dontwakemeup]

Death is preferable for me than suffering in this existence.
No matter what I'd always prefer to cease existing, death truly is always preferable for me than suffering in this cruel, meaningless existence I always saw as such a terrible tragic mistake that just leads to being tortured by old age anyway, personally I've always preferred to die, ceasing to exist is all I've ever seen as desirable, all that's ever appealed to me is an eternal, dreamless sleep free from all suffering and harm, I'd always prefer to die than suffer in this cruel, futile existence. To me human existence is such a terrible burden that just causes so much suffering, there's so much pain and cruelty in existing, personally I find it painful to just be conscious and I'm always so tired of it, I'd never wish to suffer in this existence where there is no limit as to how much agony one can feel rather I just want some peace instead, peace from this existence is all I need.

Under no circumstances would I wish to be burdened with this existence, for me existence could never be worth it rather it's something I'd never wish for, I truly was never meant to suffer in this existence and never should have suffered at all, to me existence will always be an abomination and it's one that just causes pain and suffering. I'll always see it as so terrible and dreadful to suffer in this existence no matter what and it's suffering that only death can take away for me, I'd always prefer to not exist as after all I cannot suffer from not existing, being permanently unaware and unconscious truly is all I see as desirable, I only hope to never suffer ever again.

Would you like to share more? If not it's ok. Do you have a relationship with your mother and father? I don't have a mother but I always fantasized that if I did, I could run to her and cry about everything and she would hold me and say, "it's ok."

 

[FuneralCry]

Always finding it a burden to exist.
I find it such a burden to exist and always will do no matter what, I find it so burdensome to be conscious and have to experience anything at all as personally all I wish for is non-existence, permanently ceasing to exist and never suffering ever again truly is all I see as desirable. Personally I just don't see any value in having to exist at all rather I see existence as the most terrible, torturous imposition that just causes so much harm and suffering with their being no disadvantages to never existing at all yet no limit as to how unbearable the torture of existence can get. I always find it so terrible and dreadful to be burdened with this existence and as long as I exist I'll only ever hope for death, I wish for non-existence where all is finally gone for me, I cannot suffer in any way with this existence finally no longer my problem, to me existence just feels like a mistake that just creates suffering all for the sake of it and problems there was never a need for and I see it as all so futile and unnecessary as well.

I see it as a burden to have to wake again and it's a burden I'd never wish for under any circumstances, existing to me will always be deeply undesirable no matter what, it's something I never would have chose and never would have wished for. Existence itself will always be the true problem to me and I find it so burdensome to have to suffer in this existence at all, just being conscious is so torturous and tiring to me, I suffer simply from existing and it brings me so much pain how I cannot just have the option to just painlessly die so I can finally find peace from the burden of existing.

 

[FuneralCry]

Wish I was already gone.
I wish I was already free from this existence, I should have ceased existing a long time ago but really I never should have suffered in this existence at all, I find it so dreadful how I had to suffer in this existence even know there were never any disadvantages to never existing at all, never existing would had saved me and prevented me from all this suffering in this existence I never would have chose that I saw as causing nothing but pain all for the sake of it. I'll always see it as deeply undesirable to exist, only non-existence could ever be desirable to me, I wish I was already gone as if I no longer exist then I would be at peace from the burden of existence with nothing able to concern me and all would be finally gone and forgotten about.

I just wish to forget about this existence that only ever caused me to suffer, existence will always be something so dreadful and terrible no matter what that just causes so much harm and I see it as all so unnecessary anyway, if I no longer exist then the burden of existence would no longer be my problem and finally I could be at peace. I personally only see the peace of an eternal, dreamless sleep as desirable where there is no more pain, no more suffering and all is finally gone for me, to be conscious in this existence will always be so burdensome to me, I'd never wish for it rather I wish I was gone, I wish for peace from all the suffering and cruelty in existing, there's just so much pain in existing, I'd always prefer to die but more than anything I wish I never became aware, I wish I was never forced into this terrible, torturous existence.

 

[FuneralCry]

Non-existence is all I hope for.
No matter what non-existence is all I could ever hope for, it's all I see as desirable, in an existence so cruel and torturous where there is all this terrible suffering death truly is all that can bring me any peace. I just wish to never exist ever again, I'll always see it as so dreadful to suffer in this existence I just saw as a terrible, tragic mistake. Non-existence is all I hope for as I see existence as the problem, it's the ultimate cause of all suffering after all and without existence one cannot suffer in any way, if I don't exist then nothing can concern me which is why permanent non-existence is all I wish for.

I just wish to be permanently free from this harmful existence that just brings suffering all for the sake of it until death takes away all anyway, there are no disadvantages to never existing again yet no limit as to how unbearable this existence can get which is just so terrible to me. I see existence itself as a horrific abomination that just causes existing beings to suffer so unnecessarily until death takes away all for them anyway and it can easily get way more torturous, personally I'd always prefer to cease existing than prolong all this pointless, meaningless suffering just to end up all tortured by old age. Non- existence is all that can bring me peace, it's is all I've ever wished for, I just want true permanent relief from the burden of existence and I'll always see it as so burdensome to suffer in this existence, ceasing to exist truly would solve everything for me personally and to never suffer in this existence again is all I've ever wished for, under no circumstance would I wish to be conscious in this existence at all, rather I just want nothingness, I wish for the peace of eternal, dreamless sleep.

 

[FuneralCry]

Absence of euthanasia so terrible and cruel
Personally I'll always find it so much cruelty in how euthanasia is denied to escape from suffering, all I personally hope for is a painless death to being me peace from this meaningless, torturous existence, it's just horrible for me how painless death is denied with suffering seen as to prolong instead, under no circumstances would I wish to suffer in this terrible, torturous existence rather I just want some peace instead. I only hope for the peace of never suffering in this existence ever again, I've suffered so much for so long, it's all just so painful, what I find horrifying is how trying to die can go wrong and lead to way worse suffering and torture, in general it just terrifies me how there is no limit as to how much a human can suffer as long as they are unfortunate enough to be burdened with this existence, there's just so much cruelty in existing.

It's all so terrible and what terrifies me is how the suffering can continue for so long just for one to die in agony from old age, I just want nothingness I just want to simply die in a guaranteed way and never experience anything ever again and the fact that I cannot just is so cruel and horrible to me, I'd never wish for this existence and more than anything I wish this existence was never imposed. I just want peace from the terrible, torturous burden of existence that only ever causee harm and so much suffering all for the sake of it, existence is an abomination to me and I just see it as deeply undesirable to exist in general which is why I need peace, personally I could never see any value to being enslaved in this existence I always saw as the most terrible, tragic mistake in the first place rather I just want nothingness instead, I only hope to never exist again.

 

[finishLana]

Hey, I remember seeing your account throughout years, sorry you are also in a suicidal boat, life does suck for many of us and for different reasons. I wonder if we could recruit pharmacology students to help us find a suicide pill, like @ProperOverdoser once showed and brought a lot of information on the topic of fatal and nearly painless ODs, unfortunately he left rather soon probably because he took his suicide pill

Apparently apart from circumstances that we live in, persistent suicidal ideation is a clear sign of a mental disorder that usually is incurable (bpd, bd, schizoid and many more) and thus (they would say it's choice) but we depressed and/suicidal people are doomed to suffer

 

[FuneralCry]

Preferring to prevent suffering rather than prolong it.
No matter what I'd prefer to prevent suffering through ceasing to exist than prolong it just to end up way more tortured in way worse agony, I'd rather cease existing as after all only when I'm gone will I be unable to suffer with all finally forgotten about. I'd never wish to be burdened with this existence but rather I just wish to be unconscious for all eternity instead free from the burden of existence where there is all this endless cruelty and suffering and what is so terrible is how there is no limit as to how unbearable the suffering of existing can get just for one to be tormented by old age and die anyway.

I'd personally always prefer to not exist, only death can bring me the peace and safety from suffering I search for, for me ceasing to exist would be suffering prevention, it'd prevent so much suffering in this existence I never would have chose that I just saw as the most cruel, terrible mistake. For me non-existence truly is all I see as desirable, I just wish for the peace of never suffering ever again, personally I could never see any point and value to suffering in this existence rather I see such as so burdensome, I'll always see it as a burden to be conscious and aware in this existence no matter what. To me existing truly is just meaningless suffering all for the sake of it that just torments existing beings until death takes away all anyway and personally I'd rather suffer for as little as possible than prolong all the suffering but really I wish I never suffered at all more than anything, I never should have been forced into this existence that only ever caused me to suffer, to me existence will always be an imposition and it's one that just brings so much pain, I'd always prefer to not exist but only never suffering at all is truly ideal to me.