maniac116
My own worst enemy🌹💔
- Aug 10, 2024
- 1,804
amerie
an earthworm sprinkled with salt
- Oct 6, 2024
- 816
amerie
an earthworm sprinkled with salt
- Oct 6, 2024
- 816
maniac116
My own worst enemy🌹💔
- Aug 10, 2024
- 1,804
A Londoner, a Parisian and a New Yorker get captured by cannibals…
The cannibals are pretty pissed off because these guys have just wandered into their territory without asking permission. So the cannibals tell them, "We're going to kill you, we're going to eat you, and we're going to make a canoe out of your skins. But just because we're in a good mood today will let you choose how you want to die."
The Londoner says, "Well I guess hanging is the easiest way to go." So the cannibals whip up a gallows, and stick his head in the noose. He calls out "God save the queen!", they pull the handle and he falls down through the trap door. Thunk! He's dead.
Next the Parisian says, "Guillotine for me, of course!" The cannibals get to work, assemble a crude but functional guillotine, stick his head in there, he calls out, "Vivre la France! " and chop! Off with his head.
They turn to the New Yorker and ask, "Well, what's it going to be?"
"Bring me a fork," he says.
So they bring him a fork. He takes it and starts stabbing himself all over with it. He's lying there on the ground with blood pouring out of him, and the cannibals say, "What the hell? What a horrible way to die! Are you crazy?"
With his last breath the New Yorker replies, "So much for your god damn canoe!".
The cannibals are pretty pissed off because these guys have just wandered into their territory without asking permission. So the cannibals tell them, "We're going to kill you, we're going to eat you, and we're going to make a canoe out of your skins. But just because we're in a good mood today will let you choose how you want to die."
The Londoner says, "Well I guess hanging is the easiest way to go." So the cannibals whip up a gallows, and stick his head in the noose. He calls out "God save the queen!", they pull the handle and he falls down through the trap door. Thunk! He's dead.
Next the Parisian says, "Guillotine for me, of course!" The cannibals get to work, assemble a crude but functional guillotine, stick his head in there, he calls out, "Vivre la France! " and chop! Off with his head.
They turn to the New Yorker and ask, "Well, what's it going to be?"
"Bring me a fork," he says.
So they bring him a fork. He takes it and starts stabbing himself all over with it. He's lying there on the ground with blood pouring out of him, and the cannibals say, "What the hell? What a horrible way to die! Are you crazy?"
With his last breath the New Yorker replies, "So much for your god damn canoe!".
The Morningstar
Be absolute. Be yourself, until you bleed.
- May 4, 2025
- 589
A little girl asked her mother, "Mommy, am I going to live happily ever after?"
To which the mother replied, "No, dear: we exist in a Gallows Humor thread post."
They were then both promptly murdered by the father.
To which the mother replied, "No, dear: we exist in a Gallows Humor thread post."
They were then both promptly murdered by the father.
maniac116
My own worst enemy🌹💔
- Aug 10, 2024
- 1,804
Skallagrim
Member
- Apr 14, 2022
- 77
bankai
Visionary
- Mar 16, 2025
- 2,349
So I need to get something off my chest. Yesterday I was driving my car. I ended up hitting a kid at 120mph.
But it was nothing too serious.
But it was nothing too serious.
No one saw me
GlassMoon
╠═···⢄⠔⠑⢄⠔⠑···═╣ · 🌜 👻 🌛
- Nov 18, 2024
- 350
This isn't really a joke, but anyway... I set up a new Android phone and there's a "Samsung KMS agent" installed. No idea what it does... 
maniac116
My own worst enemy🌹💔
- Aug 10, 2024
- 1,804
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