Venting Further Exhaustion

[CravingPeace]

The past few days I have been increasingly becoming more exhausted. It's almost as if my body is telling me to give up. Nothing has changed in my life these past few days, same shit different day, but now I'm struggling to stay awake at work and I'm going to bed earlier than usual, just steamrolled by the normal events of the day.

I had surgery on my spine at the ripe age of 25 (29 now), was given a 50/50 chance of walking again following it. I'm walking fine now, but the residuals from the surgery have left me so physically unfit. Going down the stairs with my dog in the morning causes my legs to wobble some, any effort to strengthen my back/neck leads to my feet going numb and extreme tensity in my neck.

Physically, I'm more exhausted than I ever have been. Im obviously mentally exhausted, literally doing the bare minimum to make ends meet and nothing else, and making ends meet is absolutely draining. I'm spiritually exhausted too, I just have no hope for the future/things improving and feel completely disconnected from a higher power.

It's tortuous. And it's every day. It's slowly getting more and more exhausting. How much longer can I bear it?

 

[FuneralCry]

I understand finding it torturous to exist, it sounds like you've suffered a lot. But anyway I wish you the best.