Story Finally alone after ages but too lazy to CTB.

[WornOutLife]

These 4 months have been kinda hell for me because I used to live alone in my own apartment until I tried to CTB (obviously failed) and I was forced to move with my parents in order to be monitored 24/7. (the other option was worse, a psych ward so, NO, THANKS.)

The thing is, I can't drink alcohol, meet girls, smoke weed and so on anymore, I mean, I love being a lonely person and I really need to be alone, and not being able to do that, makes me even more depressed everyday but today...
TODAY...FINALLY...
MY PARENTS LEFT ME ALONE AT HOME UNTIL TOMORROW!

So, my plan is to get drunk AF and then I'd love to CTB but I'm too lazy to do it and the only option around seems to be partial hanging or something gore and truth be told, I don't feel like doing so.

I know, I kinda suck because I've gained my parents' trust after so long and now I'm gonna get a bit out of control but what the hell? I need some "happiness" once and for all. (yes, just some alcohol, loud music and cigarretes are more than enough now.)

Is anybody out there also suicidal but lazy to do so? I mean, I managed to at least try it some time ago but now it's just mentally exhausting to think about it.


Note: This is not a goodbye thread. I won't CTB even though I'm really thinking about it so you'll see me around as usual.

Hugs to you all,


Matt

 

[ecmnesia]

at least that will somehow testify to them that you are "better" so maybe they will give you more space and freedom from now on, which can be useful in a future moment if you feel like going on with ctb.

sending lots of hugs. glad you can breath some fresh air

 

[WornOutLife]

at least that will somehow testify to them that you are "better" so maybe they will give you more space and freedom from now on, which can be useful in a future moment if you feel like going on with ctb.

sending lots of hugs. glad you can breath some fresh air

Thanks a bunch! You're right! Living with them is really tough but I'm finally getting the permission both from my parents and therapist to be alone at least one day. I hope I can live fully alone soon and then I'll be able to make a proper CTB plan.

Lots of hugs for you and cheers! This beer is really cold! :D

 

[sadworld]

Hey, just try to enjoy your day alone and I'm pretty sure you will be able to get more days alone in the future! Sending hugs

 

[WornOutLife]

Hey, just try to enjoy your day alone and I'm pretty sure you will be able to get more days alone in the future! Sending hugs

That sounds like a great investment! I will! Ty a lot! =)

 

[Gromit-CTB]

I was going to say same as @ecmnesia your parents will see that you can be trusted as this will give you more freedom even going back to live alone. Use this time to enjoy yourself and maybe make future plans. Hope you can at least have some peace in the 24hours of freedom

 

[Good4Nothing]

Oh yah, this is me, too. Too damn lazy to do anything.

 

[waterstrider]

Sounds like you need to plan how to ctb first. Better enjoy your free time with just booze today and think about the ifs and hows more in-depth.
There will a next time if you proved to your relatives that you are behaving yourself and doing nothing stupid.

Have fun, Matt. Cheers!

 

[Coffeandamug]

I think it's so sad that you have to go through all this trouble to be able to CBT. This is why I wish the right to die was widely accepted, and I don't think it's idealistic or impossible, but it's something that would take a lot of work and decades to start becoming true. For now I'm happy that you finally found some time alone and I hope that everything goes well with finding more space to go peacefully.