I just feel like I'm confined for the rest of my life just praying and hoping things get better (they won't lol) while wasting what bit of youth I have left. If only I could go back to my 15-16 year old body, I could be happy again. I had the luckiest dog who was hit 3 times by a car and survived each. I had an incredibly beautiful girlfriend. I would always play in the woods and splash around in ponds and streams. It was the closest thing I had to freedom. Now it's all a struggle of making it through the day in the city, and being anxious about tomorrow and what it'll bring.
One time around that age; I was going through some briars and one thorn sliced my arm and I felt alive as blood leaked down, dripping from my fingers, it was an incredible high while staring at the hollow blue sky. My best friend was always there for me at school, it was bitchin'. Smoking ganja and being two radical dudes always quoting The Big Lebowski. Always talking about interesting topics, like psychology, paranormal, media, music, philosophy, etc. Just miss him because he's been there since preschool, nobody can replace him.
Days just slipped on by faster and faster.
Fast forward to now and everybody's left me. I'm a horrible human being, I deserve pain and suffering. My dog died, my girlfriend killed herself, my best friend abandoned me and stopped messaging for over a year now. I just can't bring myself to ever leave the house because the torment and stress is too much to handle. I hope I can be free some day. Stick a spike through me and let me rot like Vlad the Impaler.
One time around that age; I was going through some briars and one thorn sliced my arm and I felt alive as blood leaked down, dripping from my fingers, it was an incredible high while staring at the hollow blue sky. My best friend was always there for me at school, it was bitchin'. Smoking ganja and being two radical dudes always quoting The Big Lebowski. Always talking about interesting topics, like psychology, paranormal, media, music, philosophy, etc. Just miss him because he's been there since preschool, nobody can replace him.
Days just slipped on by faster and faster.
Fast forward to now and everybody's left me. I'm a horrible human being, I deserve pain and suffering. My dog died, my girlfriend killed herself, my best friend abandoned me and stopped messaging for over a year now. I just can't bring myself to ever leave the house because the torment and stress is too much to handle. I hope I can be free some day. Stick a spike through me and let me rot like Vlad the Impaler.
