Feeling really suicidal

[Zeus35]

I feel so sad. Its the memories of my childhood. I feel so worthless im at university. I feel sea on the inside. I want to die.

 

[Worndown]

Are you having a day worse than most?

 

[UntilTheLast]

I'm sorry that you're feeling this way, and that life and your childhood have knocked you down so badly, instead of raising you up like they would have if this world was a better place, and if people were better. Suicide sometimes seems like the only way out - or at least the one that's less terrible than the others. Sometimes it is. But usually, it's not - and I'm not sure if it's possible to really judge it when you're in the kind of awful, painful place that it sound like you're in right now. It sounds like maybe the best thing that you can do right now is to get through it - reach out for help if you can - and to avoid making any permanent decisions until you're in a headspace to really be able to judge what you truly want. Things ALWAYS seem utterly hopeless when you're feeling utterly hopeless - I've been there many, many times - but once you're through to the other side... a lot of things still fucking suck. But maybe not quite so much as you're feeling like they do right now.

 

[Zeus35]

Are you having a day worse than most?

yes

 

[hellispink]

Sometimes the memories of mu childhood torture me too.

 

[Pluto]

I've been thinking about childhood a lot, too. There were many seemingly unremarkable characters in the neighbourhood and in the family who nonetheless gave a total sense of belonging. Then there's the sense that children must be nurtured as humanity's great flag bearers of tomorrow. Taking acceptance, belonging and basic needs for granted, there's an opening to explore the more magical side of life.

But from late teenage years onward, you'd better 'put out' with some measurable success or else you are scum of the Earth.

As for the negative childhood thoughts, it always boils down to "If such and such had happened, or had not happened..."

 

[Kurushii]

Memories can be sad and I feel your pain. Although I never went to university I understand that it can be difficult and stressful. Make sure to take care of yourself even if you do want to die. Because it does matter. You matter. When we are sad it helps to cry, to feel our sad emotions and pass them through our system, so that our moods may feel better after a long night.

 

[FuneralCry]

This world undeniably is so cruel, and it's really unfair how so much endless suffering exists here. It's certainly understandable wishing to be free from everything, but anyway best wishes.

 

[Vitya]

I just wish I could be remembered when this life is over. All the wrongs I've done to be forgotten, to not be resented for my choice to quit this world full of pain. I just wish people will remember me with a smile and good memories.