Feeling like an outsider

[FireFox]

I feel like outrider and dont know my place in the world.

Being unemployed it is hard to build or maintain relationships with people because people seem to talk about thier jobs and life outside thier jobs.
This week i went to church meeting as i help out in my church. I teach holy communion classes to children and the meeting was abourt making the church covid19 secure for classes .People in the meeting talked about thier jobs outside of church as well as future plans ie going on holiday and how covid is affecting thier jobs etc

I find it so hard to interact in the meeting because i don't have a job or future plans or anything. I felt like an outsider whenever i tried to contribute i didnt feel a part of the group.

I don't talk to my friends anymore because they have jobs or in university.

I avoid people i know in public just to avoid the question of what i have been doing. It gets embarrassing after a while saying you are looking for work.

I am shell of my self and feel like an outsider.

We live in a world where work is absolutely everything. Everyone around me has a job and i dont. I feel like I have let my family down. All the other mums children have jobs except for me.

This is the deepest depression i have ever felt.

It is not the job thing. It is everything else. I don't belong here in this world.

I know if i kill myself i will be gone and so too will my problems.

Everyone is better off without me. My family will be devastated if i catch the bus but they wont have to worry about me anymore amd and there will be no more arguments.

I am a failure of a woman. i failed to get a boyfriend. I feel abnormal never having a boyfriend at my age.
I have lost the will to live

 

[Ghost2211]

I understand how you feel about being an outsider everywhere. I don't work, so no coworkers and when I did I didn't fit in. If I went to church, school, or any social thing I would be there alone, and leave alone. I don't belong or fit in anywhere. You fit in and belong here though, as do I.

I don't have a solution for the fact that we have no place in the real world, but at least we have this community.

 

[Zhontafly]

I think you are letting the world and expectations have too much power over your life. My advice: Concentrate on freeing your mind, building your character,do things that YOU enjoy doing, and continue looking for jobs that you would enjoy. Also, learn how to differentiate between real friends and good times friends. Eventually you should find a love interest, it might take awhile and you might have to drop some expectations but it will probably happen.

Why live in agony or kill yourself over what you feel the world expects of you? Stop caring so much about what others think of you. Free yourself, cut your own path and live your life for yourself.

 

[botanormal]

I'm really sorry you're feeling this way, not feeling included in conversation is a really horrible feeling. Society so heavily values work, it takes up a large portion of many people's lives, and I wish we didn't have to focus on it so much. But working is just a means to an end for most people, it doesn't make you a failure for not having a job. I really understand why you've been feeling that way though, with everybody around you talking about it so much, not being able to participate in those conversations must feel really isolating. I just hope you know that it doesn't reflect on your character, and it doesn't change the fact that you're a sweet woman, and you're doing your absolute best. I don't think that makes you a failure, I think it makes you successful!

And many people will go throughout their entire lives without relationships, you don't need somebody else to validate your existence. Of course, I completely understand why you'd want a relationship, sometimes these things are just complicated and take time unfortunately. Everybody has different tastes after all, but that just means that there'll probably be somebody out there that likes everything about you, exactly the way you are. Sorry to be cheesy, it's absolutely okay if you disagree with that! Your feelings are valid, just try not to be so hard on yourself, if you can. Everyone's experiences are different, if you need a little longer to find a job, or just don't feel comfortable working, then that's completely okay. Good luck with everything though, if you ever need to talk about anything, we'll all be here for you. I'm sending you big hugs!

 

[FireFox]

I understand how you feel about being an outsider everywhere. I don't work, so no coworkers and when I did I didn't fit in. If I went to church, school, or any social thing I would be there alone, and leave alone. I don't belong or fit in anywhere. You fit in and belong here though, as do I.

I don't have a solution for the fact that we have no place in the real world, but at least we have this community.

RoseyBird
This forum is a community. I came back here as i struggled to cope in the outside world.

If i was helped to live and find my true purpose in life i will no longer have the desire to die or kill myself.
Sometimes i wish i had an older sister. It would have helped a lot as i am going through the worst time of my life .
It sucks being the oldest sibling in your family because your younger sibling looks to you but who do i go to if i have a problem.

I wanted to live but I now realise life or this world isn't for me or people like me.

People like me
- Unattractive even though i have been called pretty by strangers in the past and relatives. I see an ugly person.I am a brown skinned female, brown eyes and black hair. Boring features.
- no major achievements . Society values people on thier achievement. We live in a world in which youth success is constantly in our face.

Things would have different if i had partner, a job, super attractive ( sometimes i wish i had blonde hair and blue eyes, men will want to date me as i will look interesting .
I know i would have a lot to live for as i now what my place in the world is

I know people have it worse.

Thanks so much for your comments

 

[Kramer]

We're very similar. I've been on disability for awhile, so I avoid doing things like volunteering or going to church, etc because I cant talk about normal things like work. I can say I work from home. In college, I just told people I was rich since I had a nice car and my own apartment at the time lol

 

[FireFox]

I think you are letting the world and expectations have too much power over your life. My advice: Concentrate on freeing your mind, building your character,do things that YOU enjoy doing, and continue looking for jobs that you would enjoy. Also, learn how to differentiate between real friends and good times friends. Eventually you should find a love interest, it might take awhile and you might have to drop some expectations but it will probably happen.

Why live in agony or kill yourself over what you feel the world expects of you? Stop caring so much about what others think of you. Free yourself, cut your own path and live your life for yourself.

Zhontafly
Its me that's the problem. I am just disappointed in my self because there was so much i wanted to do with my life after leaving school or University.
- I wanted to live i a different city
- Travel on a Eurostar train to Amsterdam or Paris by myself
- Making the world a better place
I wanted to live a life of meaning

It makes me so upset i failed to do anything amazing.
It is absolutely depressing waking up in the same neighbourhood you grew up in.
Being 23 realising you have done nothing with your life once it sinks in it becomes too much.
I am at a point in which killing myself is the only way out of all this.

We're very similar. I've been on disability for awhile, so I avoid doing things like volunteering or going to church, etc because I cant talk about normal things like work. I can say I work from home. In college, I just told people I was rich since I had a nice car and my own apartment at the time lol

Needforrelief
We can be friends. It is nice finding someone who gets it.
I don't even talk to family anymore about how i feel because they really dont understand and add to the stress. Worst of all they believe they are helping me
My mum said in the car " Don't stress your self about finding a job they are people on benefits cheating the system"
I wantef to scream " mum i am 23 i want my own income and independence "