Farewell (CTB with SN Today)

[Erase.myself]

I will be CTB today at 4 pm Pacific time. Thank you all so much for being such amazing, supportive, loving, and compassionate humans. This forum has been a gift to me, speaking with such incredible souls, as well as getting needed resources.

My regime will be:
Started fast at 8 am
2:00 pm: withdrawal fluids
3:00 pm:1000 mg Acetaminophen
3:15 pm: 30 mg stat dose Meto
3:30 pm: 8 Tums
4:00 pm: 25g SN in 50 ml water (one tablespoon)

****As some of you know I created a goodbye thread last Monday and backed out of drinking the SN minutes before. I believe it was anxiety and "unfinished business" I had to attend to, that stopped me from follow through. On Wednesday I saw my mom, gave her a long hug and she held me for a while and I hugged her for the last time and said Goodbye. I now feel 100% ready to ctb, now that I've done that. I've been spending my last few days eating foods I love and watching good movies, hugging those around me and being supportive and loving to those I care about.

I am very ready to go. I am anticipating no longer suffering so much from grief, Anorexia, BPD, social anxiety, PTSD, and depression.
I have booked a hotel room so I'll be checking it at 2 pm. SS member and friend @avoid_slow_death will be accompanying me on a phone call for my final moments. I'll keep all of you updated throughout my journey today.

Sending so so many hugs to all of you. ❤❤ You all deserve hugs, peace and comfort. I hope each one of you find peace in whatever way you choose.


"But I've kissed enough bathroom sinks to make up for the lovers that never loved me. And I know my body is just dirty clothes. I'm tired of washing my hands. God, I wanna go home." ~ Julien Baker.

**I don't believe in a god but the lyrics I can relate. I'll be listening to this before/ while I drink the SN.

 

[K-O]

baby i love u

 

[Squiddy]

I wish you peace

 

[Erase.myself]

Wish you the best, hope you get some rest. It'd be good to program a message for special people if you feel like it

Thank you so much. I'm going to be sending delayed emails today through myfutureme.com

baby i love u

I love you too sweetheart. It's been good speaking to you. You've had so much loss in your life as well. I hope you find the peace that you seek.

 

[K-O]

i wish i had found u sooner. peace u deserve sister x

 

[SipSop]

I somewhat envy you. You set yourself free from this misery.
I wish you success friend.

 

[Squiddy]

I somewhat envy you. You set yourself free from this misery.
I wish you success friend.

I'm also jealous. I wish I could set myself free too

 

[Lutembëe]

Peace be with you, I wish I was free also. See you on the other side!

 

[K-O]

this is my special song. my soulmates and mine.. and now its for you love--
(lyla- night in hebrew)

 

[enjolras]

I'll be thinking of you (try to not be sad). I'll play some Julien Baker during the day. You must have been somebody pure too... Sending love

 

[jgm63]

If you choose to go ahead then I wish you a safe passage on to somewhere beautiful.....

 

[Myforevercharlie]

I'll burn a little candle for you. May its light guide you to love and peace....

 

[miguel6565]

wish you all my peace

 

[InTheAirTonight]

Sorry to see you go, but I'm glad you're completely at peace with it. Thank you @Erase.myself and @avoid_slow_death for keeping us updated, we appreciate the info

 

[MissKatrina]

Wishing you all the best!

 

[woxihuanni]

Fair winds I'm sorry you have to leave, but glad to hear you won't be alone.

 

[I screwed up]

I remember ur last attempt ... U r incredibly brave my friend for giving it a shot so soon ... I don't have the freaking courage to attempt it event once .. U Doing it second time... Wow hats off to u. Am happy for u that u feel the time is right for u now ... Hope u have a peaceful journey. I will pray for u tonight ... Rip my love.. Take care.

 

[BPD Barbie]

Good luck lovely I hope you find the peace you deserve

 

[William Barker]

If only life we're kinder to you. I'll be sad to see you go.

 

[I screwed up]

Sorry to see you go, but I'm glad you're completely at peace with it. Thank you @Erase.myself and @avoid_slow_death for keeping us updated, we appreciate the info

Is @avoid_slow_death planning to document the last moments of @Erase.myself. if so then its a great help to others planning ctb by SN. Thanks mate

 

[K-O]

Thank you so much. I'm going to be sending delayed emails today through myfutureme.com


I love you too sweetheart. It's been good speaking to you. You've had so much loss in your life as well. I hope you find the peace that you seek.

and- THANK YOU again darling.
its never about the quantity but quality..
you touched me when no one could..
you
are free
you are loved.
x

 

[Erase.myself]

Shit, you guys! I just sent an email goodbye to my close friend through the myfutureme.org and it said that it's just sending a confirmation email to her right now to make sure it's me that sent it. To confirm sending it. :( Fuck. I don't know what email she's going to get right now and I don't know how else to say what I need to say to her.

 

[William Barker]

Shit, you guys! I just sent an email goodbye to my close friend through the myfutureme.org and it said that it's just sending a confirmation email to her right now to make sure it's me that sent it. To confirm sending it. :( Fuck. I don't know what email she's going to get right now and I don't know how else to say what I need to say to her.

I think she'll understand.

 

[Erase.myself]

Im just going to write them by hand and leave them with my belongings at my sober living house. Where they can be found but not obvious.

I think she'll understand.

She's called psych on me before. I'm just hoping the email she receives just asks her if she sent herself an email from the website.

 

[LMLN]

I'm so sorry you are leaving. You will be missed here. Peace and love to you, we are here either way.

 

[willitpass]

i wish you peace in whatever you decide

 

[K-O]

Shit, you guys! I just sent an email goodbye to my close friend through the myfutureme.org and it said that it's just sending a confirmation email to her right now to make sure it's me that sent it. To confirm sending it. :( Fuck. I don't know what email she's going to get right now and I don't know how else to say what I need to say to her.

its ok she will receive your words right? like u wanted?.. i dont know that site but if u like we can forward thing for u somehow? im not savvy at inter web stuff but if u wish for help its here.. oh i c yes- hand writhing is good. do what u wish. no stress.
and love can not be erased.
your choice always.

 

[enjolras]

She's called psych on me before. I'm just hoping the email she receives just asks her if she sent herself an email from the website.

I can't test the myfutureme.org service to check how it works. The registration is closed externally ?
If you move to a safe place, you may want to shutdown your phone during the travel, and/or remove the SIM to rely on hotspots if you want to stay connected (once there for sure)

 

[MoreThanAFeeling]

Shit, you guys! I just sent an email goodbye to my close friend through the myfutureme.org and it said that it's just sending a confirmation email to her right now to make sure it's me that sent it. To confirm sending it. :( Fuck. I don't know what email she's going to get right now and I don't know how else to say what I need to say to her.

What is the title of your message? She will only be able to see the title.

Myfutureme.org is a message to yourself. Not a place to send a future email to others.

Use Boomerang for delayed email.

 

[Erase.myself]

What is the title of your message? She will only be able to see the title.

Myfutureme.org is a message to yourself. Not a place to send a future email to others.

Use Boomerang for delayed email.

I just reread what I got from the site. It said that it would just send a confirmation email, before they can actually process the email I wrote. So it's okay. And thanks for the info as I wasn't aware of that. I found that site from the resources thread. I do have one stamp so I just wrote it and I'll be sending in the mail.