Failed attempt - feeling like a total failure

[bringerofdestrution]

I failed my CBT attempt on Saturday night and now am feeling like even more of a failure.

I had attempted to OD on propranolol, zopiclone and co-cocodomol all washed down with vodka but my partner managed to get to me in time to get me to a hospital. Now I'm feeling like an absolute failure. My family and partner feel like they failed me, but in reality I just feel like a failure for failing. Has anybody else experienced this?

I still want to CTB but now am being watched over like a hawk and have pretty much had my access to meds cut off because of the attempt. I've looked at the night-night method but can't find my sweet spot which is why I went with the tablets. I'm just so infuriated as I don't know when I'll be able to attempt again, or how I'll be able to do it. Has anybody else gone through this?

 

[Arahant]

Yes. I experienced it, and it's an ugly feeling. It sucks, I'm sorry.

The truth is if you genuinely want to, you can CTB. Sooner or later, anyway.
I mean even people in prison with no possessions somehow manage to do it.

For me it can help to know, somewhere in the future it is possible to end it all.
If I feel like it's never possible, that sends me reeling through the despair and depression spiral.

Would you like to further talk about what had you suffer badly enough to attempt CTB?
And are you open or closed to the idea of becoming better and free of suffering?

 

[maniac116]

I failed my CBT attempt on Saturday night and now am feeling like even more of a failure.

I had attempted to OD on propranolol, zopiclone and co-cocodomol all washed down with vodka but my partner managed to get to me in time to get me to a hospital. Now I'm feeling like an absolute failure. My family and partner feel like they failed me, but in reality I just feel like a failure for failing. Has anybody else experienced this?

I still want to CTB but now am being watched over like a hawk and have pretty much had my access to meds cut off because of the attempt. I've looked at the night-night method but can't find my sweet spot which is why I went with the tablets. I'm just so infuriated as I don't know when I'll be able to attempt again, or how I'll be able to do it. Has anybody else gone through this?

Yes, I failed twice. My daughter was pissed. She said it was selfish. But I know that some pain can't be treated with pain killers.
But I understand that beneath those feelings she loves me. I try to remember that.
I know that loving myself isn't happening.
I won't stay breathing for others' sake but at least intellectually knowing I am loved by someone.
That's at least a starting point...