tired_fishnoodle
Tired.
- Mar 4, 2026
- 11
I'm not sure how to title this. But how do I get better at acting?
This might be really stupid, but I used to be so good at hiding how I was feeling. Especially living in an abusive household. But after being out of it for so long I feel like the pain and exhaustion has built up so much that I am just physically and mentally tired all the time. It's so hard to smile and act normal now. I'm tired of people asking me if I'm ok. It's not like I can say I'm not.
Especially my husband. Even on days when I can fool everyone else, he sees right through it every time. And he never drops it. He knows what I deal with. He stayed with me for several nights in a hospital after another failed attempt before I got PCPed. I hate that he knows. I hate that I failed. Even if I tell him I'm having a bad day, he doesn't drop it, and I know he doesn't understand, even though he knows. We've had conversations before, and he just can't get it. Just more "it'll be oks" and "we'll get through it"
I just wish there was something I could do. I wish I could pretend that therapy and meds are making everything better, but they aren't. Hell, actually starting antidepressants has caused a whole other problem for me. I have nightmares every night, so my sleep is even worse than it was before.
I'm tired, and I just want to be put to rest.
This might be really stupid, but I used to be so good at hiding how I was feeling. Especially living in an abusive household. But after being out of it for so long I feel like the pain and exhaustion has built up so much that I am just physically and mentally tired all the time. It's so hard to smile and act normal now. I'm tired of people asking me if I'm ok. It's not like I can say I'm not.
Especially my husband. Even on days when I can fool everyone else, he sees right through it every time. And he never drops it. He knows what I deal with. He stayed with me for several nights in a hospital after another failed attempt before I got PCPed. I hate that he knows. I hate that I failed. Even if I tell him I'm having a bad day, he doesn't drop it, and I know he doesn't understand, even though he knows. We've had conversations before, and he just can't get it. Just more "it'll be oks" and "we'll get through it"
I just wish there was something I could do. I wish I could pretend that therapy and meds are making everything better, but they aren't. Hell, actually starting antidepressants has caused a whole other problem for me. I have nightmares every night, so my sleep is even worse than it was before.
I'm tired, and I just want to be put to rest.
