Venting everyone ignores me

[dddaaangxl]

one of my reasons for wanting to ctb is just how extremely alone i am- platonically and romantically. i feel like someone surrounded by other people who's just ignored at best and abused at worst
my family doesnt care about the real me- they care more about the idea of me than the actual me. my parents would rather try to pressure me into an unachieveable standard than actually love me the way i am, and my brother only spends time with me cuz hes also lonely
i have a handful of friends right now and everyone except one person is ignoring me and planning things with each other without me. and even then that one person that i like to believe might care for me is constantly busy and cant handle someone as unstable as me. even if they care about me theyd likely be better without me adding onto their struggles
i think i want to ctb partially to just catch their attention- force them to acknowledge the real me instead of whatever they see me as. the idea of them going through my journals and knowing how i feel without the risk of me being punished for what i think makes me feel comfortable

 

[music]

i think i want to ctb partially to just catch their attention- force them to acknowledge the real me instead of whatever they see me as. the idea of them going through my journals and knowing how i feel without the risk of me being punished for what i think makes me feel comfortable

i've felt that. i have nearly two hours of voice recordings from these past few years that i imagine i would direct people to so that they can understand that i am not what i present to them. i've tried to close that gap before but i get confrontational and i'm not in any position to do that when i'm a significant financial drain and little else (besides being their kid.) i suppose the term is masking or something adjacent to it. anyway, that isn't an invalid motivation but i hope you find some other way to be transparent or get out of there.
welcome to this forum btw if that's your first account o/

 

[dddaaangxl]

i've felt that. i have nearly two hours of voice recordings from these past few years that i imagine i would direct people to so that they can understand that i am not what i present to them. i've tried to close that gap before but i get confrontational and i'm not in any position to do that when i'm a significant financial drain and little else (besides being their kid.) i suppose the term is masking or something adjacent to it. anyway, that isn't an invalid motivation but i hope you find some other way to be transparent or get out of there.
welcome to this forum btw if that's your first account o/

ty for the welcome! yea im hoping that maybe i wont have to ctb but i have so many issues just layered on another and im not in a situation where i can fix all of them- i just needed to get this out ig ^^

 

[SadFoxDreamer83]

one of my reasons for wanting to ctb is just how extremely alone i am- platonically and romantically. i feel like someone surrounded by other people who's just ignored at best and abused at worst
my family doesnt care about the real me- they care more about the idea of me than the actual me. my parents would rather try to pressure me into an unachieveable standard than actually love me the way i am, and my brother only spends time with me cuz hes also lonely
i have a handful of friends right now and everyone except one person is ignoring me and planning things with each other without me. and even then that one person that i like to believe might care for me is constantly busy and cant handle someone as unstable as me. even if they care about me theyd likely be better without me adding onto their struggles
i think i want to ctb partially to just catch their attention- force them to acknowledge the real me instead of whatever they see me as. the idea of them going through my journals and knowing how i feel without the risk of me being punished for what i think makes me feel comfortable

If you feel abandoned by your family, or you feel that they don't treat you well, then it's better not to bother looking for their attention, because if they don't pay you attention then they don't deserve your affection. Sometimes it's much better to be alone than with people who make you feel bad, and you can also look for other people with whom you connect better and feel better. Don't suffer for people who don't treat you well, they're missing out, you can be fine without needing them if you put your mind to it.

 

[BlueButterfly111]

I feel the same way! :(