Venting Does anyone else have like Self-preservation depression?

[antiqueantipodean]

Weird question but I feel kind of alone in it, does anyone else experience this?

Basically self-preservation depression is where you're so depressed that you actually end up doing a lot in the name of trying to stop yourself feeling worse and can't just mope around.

So like I get my stuff ready, I set alarms, I clean up, shower, brush my teeth and cook and I don't even need to I'm unemployed and everything but I only do it cause I know that it keeps me from being more depressed. Like today I did the washing cause I thought "if I have no clean clothes I'll be so depressed I'll continue to want to die" and I want to die so much as is that my mind keeps making me do these things even though I just want to rot in my bed.

Maybe it's a mix of the Autism and ADHD at play.

I do feel really sorry for you out there that have to do these things to actually survive and I should be grateful but cause I don't actually need to do them but do I can't be alone in my head and just be sad and it's killing me.

But does anyone else do this?

 

[Irisse]

This is true for me. I'm trying at college because I want to have a solid plan B if my ctb fails. My situation is kind of complicated but I also cannot afford bed rotting because I need to help my parents out of poverty and mysrlf out of toxic environment. If it means anything, I'm glad that you are functional enough to clean, as I admittedly sometimes have trouble with that. I hope you'll eventually feel better.

 

[JustDreamer]

Weird question but I feel kind of alone in it, does anyone else experience this?

Basically self-preservation depression is where you're so depressed that you actually end up doing a lot in the name of trying to stop yourself feeling worse and can't just mope around.

So like I get my stuff ready, I set alarms, I clean up, shower, brush my teeth and cook and I don't even need to I'm unemployed and everything but I only do it cause I know that it keeps me from being more depressed. Like today I did the washing cause I thought "if I have no clean clothes I'll be so depressed I'll continue to want to die" and I want to die so much as is that my mind keeps making me do these things even though I just want to rot in my bed.

Maybe it's a mix of the Autism and ADHD at play.

I do feel really sorry for you out there that have to do these things to actually survive and I should be grateful but cause I don't actually need to do them but do I can't be alone in my head and just be sad and it's killing me.

But does anyone else do this?

Yes. I'll often see my dirty room or kitchen/living room and think "this mess is overwhelming and making me sad let's just get rid of it real quick." or if I haven't showered in a few days I'll start to think "I feel overwhelmed by feeling greasy and gross, it'll only get worse and I'll feel sadder, let's just shower quickly and change so I can sleep."

I don't know if I do it necessarily because I don't want to die but more that the feeling of being overwhelmed by the mess or feeling dirty out weighs the feeling of hopelessness or depression. But I do understand what you're saying so I don't think you're alone at all.

 

[flowereater]

Yeah. My old therapist said it's "high functioning"depression. Sometimes it gets exhausting when I feel like I did everything and i still feel awful

 

[DeniedPeace]

I'm in a similar situation to OP's but I can't get myself to do anything except the dishes once a week because I left it until it starting rotting a couple months ago. I only shower before medical appointments. Else i'm just lying in bed thinking about ways to overcome my SI.

 

[m3nhera]

Weird question but I feel kind of alone in it, does anyone else experience this?

Basically self-preservation depression is where you're so depressed that you actually end up doing a lot in the name of trying to stop yourself feeling worse and can't just mope around.

So like I get my stuff ready, I set alarms, I clean up, shower, brush my teeth and cook and I don't even need to I'm unemployed and everything but I only do it cause I know that it keeps me from being more depressed. Like today I did the washing cause I thought "if I have no clean clothes I'll be so depressed I'll continue to want to die" and I want to die so much as is that my mind keeps making me do these things even though I just want to rot in my bed.

Maybe it's a mix of the Autism and ADHD at play.

I do feel really sorry for you out there that have to do these things to actually survive and I should be grateful but cause I don't actually need to do them but do I can't be alone in my head and just be sad and it's killing me.

But does anyone else do this?

I'd relate if I didn't have to do these things to survive/basically literally forced to do this stuff even though I don't want to, but if I wasn't I wonder if I'd experience this too, being forced by my own mind instead of external pressures. I'm sure other people have experienced this and you're not alone or weird or anything.

Yeah. My old therapist said it's "high functioning"depression. Sometimes it gets exhausting when I feel like I did everything and i still feel awful

THIS IS THE TERM!!! I totally forgot omg, OP should see this, it's pretty recognized by psychologists so it might be easier to get help for, if they're interested/able to.