I have many reasons to do it. One of them, as i rationalized it, was that if a suicide bomber's: "I'm taking you down with me."
My fathers out of the picture. He's bailed out and is chasing women half his age. All I got is my mother, and she's as two-faced as I am. Must have inherited it from her. Many times I was fed up of her dictates and wanted closure. Wanted to convince her stubborn ass to let me… be free, simply. But every time a sadistic image of me punching her or anything came up, I restrained myself, knowing that I don't have to lay a finger on her to hurt her.
She's told me how she fantasized of me becoming rich and making us a lot of money so she can enjoy shopping at malls and etc. That's what I am to her. I know what it's like to lose a huge investment. It hurts more than a punch to the face.