Venting Does anyone chronically think about the past?

[daydreamer52]

I do, I live in the past, I'm a very nostalgic person and I reminisce about past memories A LOT, I can't explain how much I despise when someone talks in future tense or asks me something stupid like "where do you see yourself in 5 years?", they don't know I'm gonna be dead before this year ends, or at least that's my plan, I don't see myself alive next year. I remember there was a time in my life where I was happy and I always go back to it, wishing nothing ever had changed, wishing I hadn't changed, I think life is cool and everything, there's a lot of things worth living for but it's just not my thing, does anybody else feel this way? I feel completely alienated from everyone and everything around me except my cat, I want to die soo badly I want to stop being me I want to stop thinking, life should be optional and we should have the option to stop living anytime we want, like if it was a game "do you wish to continue existing?" And when you say no you would just desintegrate. I cry at night when I remember I'm me, I really hate myself I don't think I would want to kill myself if I wasn't me.

 

[blacksand]

Constantly. Absolutely constantly. Each date basically has a list of things attached to it that happened X years ago and I feel great pain thinking about that time having passed. I'm not even nostalgic at all about childhood or teens, just early to mid 20s really and the boundless opportunity I had and squandered.

 

[grungy自殺]

Often...

All the time.

It always leads back to my failures as a being of this so called society that i wasn't been able to have a proper memory that i've felt satisfied ever.. in my own life or existence you could say
What i mean is that i would dwell on moments that i wished they were actually curated to their absolute potential, but the issue is that those major moments (like the ones irl would say are the bare minimum, going out with friends on a group planned thing or times in school where you can have the absolute best laughs ever with friends that would make jokes, humor to make others laugh their asses off across the cafeteria table) never ever come and i always be left with dissatisfaction on the fact that i couldn't be nurtured around people that would give me the time of day without me posturing every single time

 

[LaVieEnRose]

I relive my ample trauma all day long

 

[deathisapanacea]

I am living in the summer of year 2000 for the last 25 years. I can't and don't want to move to the present.

 

[Hermitcrab]

All the time. Other people are out there moving on with their life and gaining new experiences while I'm just stuck here recycling old ones. Daydreaming about wasted potential, missed opportunities and all the things that could've been... I'm sure those memories have now been long forgotten by the people involved with them, drowned out by new ones. And it's just me holding onto them, treasuring them since they're all I have.

 

[deathisapanacea]

All the time. Other people are out there moving on with their life and gaining new experiences while I'm just stuck here recycling old ones. Daydreaming about wasted potential, missed opportunities and all the things that could've been... I'm sure those memories have now been long forgotten by the people involved with them, drowned out by new ones. And it's just me holding onto them, treasuring them since they're all I have.

OMG !! You sound like you hacked into my brain waves. This is 100% what I am thinking. I stalk(benign way) a lot of my childhood crushes on facebook. They all seem happy and prosperous. One time, one of them posted an old pic of her with the caption "Past was Great but future is even better". I felt it was targeted at me lol. I am such a loser. But over the past few months I have reconciled with the fact that some people are just meant to be a useless bum like me.

I do, I live in the past, I'm a very nostalgic person and I reminisce about past memories A LOT, I can't explain how much I despise when someone talks in future tense or asks me something stupid like "where do you see yourself in 5 years?", they don't know I'm gonna be dead before this year ends, or at least that's my plan, I don't see myself alive next year. I remember there was a time in my life where I was happy and I always go back to it, wishing nothing ever had changed, wishing I hadn't changed, I think life is cool and everything, there's a lot of things worth living for but it's just not my thing, does anybody else feel this way? I feel completely alienated from everyone and everything around me except my cat, I want to die soo badly I want to stop being me I want to stop thinking, life should be optional and we should have the option to stop living anytime we want, like if it was a game "do you wish to continue existing?" And when you say no you would just desintegrate. I cry at night when I remember I'm me, I really hate myself I don't think I would want to kill myself if I wasn't me.

I am just daydreaming the fuck out of my life, at this point. I've realized that I don't have it in me to achieve greatness in the real world. The best I can do is fantasize.

 

[Pluto]

 

[schatzbunny]

i always do this. one year ago this exact day my life was so much better. 6 months ago i felt this. that week i was so happy. i hate it. i cant get any of it back. its torture. its fucking torture

 

[Terrible_Life]

Well in my opinion its legitimate , I mean just compare this world 15 years ago with today…..back then it all felt so real and people were friendly even in some way the sun color looked different I don't know how to explain it but it just looked warmer and now? Now everything feels so artificial.

 

[darksouls]

my past is nothing but a human tragedy

 

[Forever Sleep]

I do quite a bit and it's usually the unpleasant memories that resurface.

 

[TwistedNightmares]

Yes, I relive unpleasant memories every day through flashbacks. Even my dreams aren't safe from the past.

 

[FadingSnowFake]

I relive everything from April to December last year. I just cannot accept what happened. It changed absolutely everything, my whole previous world gone. I've been lost and running eversince and live in an unreality.

 

[QuincyME]

Constantly. It's the only thing that gives me the briefest sanctuary from the crippling depression I have. I had never even considered suicide until my late 40s when my employer dropped a nuclear bomb on my career. I've never recovered and never will.

 

[threeeyedfawn]

Life stopped moving for me April of this year. I've just been reliving March over and over again from when I wake until I sleep.

 

[woodlandcreature]

i'm usually either reliving the past or maladaptive daydreaming.

 

[OnMyLast Legs]

Constantly. Absolutely constantly. Each date basically has a list of things attached to it that happened X years ago and I feel great pain thinking about that time having passed. I'm not even nostalgic at all about childhood or teens, just early to mid 20s really and the boundless opportunity I had and squandered.

The punishment life gives us for squandering young adulthood is unbearable. It's not just what I have, it's who I am. I failed to grow a soul. Also no money, education, or skills ^_^

 

[eternalpace]

My mental health providers tell me that I'm very good at ruminating… staying fixated on the past. It is what it is… because it's the past that has brought me to the point of trying to CTB that I currently find myself.

 

[ThisGameIsOverrated]

yeah I also constantly fantasize about time traveling to the past and telling my younger self all the advice needed to live a better lifestyle and avoid trauma so that the past couple years of my life would actually be happy and enjoyable. I wonder if anyone else does this

 

[divinemistress36]

Ya I cant live in the present cause it sucks. Its either think about my trauma all day or the few happy memories from the past

 

[kitkat9234]

My past haunts me everyday. I am constantly reminded of my fuck ups. The guilt and regret consume me. I wish I could go back and change things

 

[Hime]

Yup... I'm constantly living in the shadows of my "peak", and reliving every single small mistake I've done. Doesn't matter if nobody remembers, I still do...

But I've managed after all this time to purge the most painful memories, albeit with my psychiatrist dissatisfaction. Such is the life we need to take for survival...

 

[Wishingforadream]

I can't really remember my past, However i daydream constantly about "different worlds".
So it's more like maladaptive daydreaming instead of reliving the past.

 

[SentimentalTrip]

I can relate to everything you wrote. I've had this problem for my entire life, but as I've gotten older it's gotten so much worse. I am almost constantly thinking about the past. It seems like no matter how bad a certain period of my life is, I always find a way to romanticize it. I have practically mythologized the year 2020 and 2021, but deep down I know I was just as miserable then as I am now. The only difference is that at that time I had some hope that life would get better, and now that hope is almost entirely gone. I think I romanticize the past as a coping mechanism. This problem has really gotten out of control. A year ago I was on this forum talking about how badly I wanted to die and somehow I've found a way to romanticize that period of my life. This is killing me. I find myself regularly dreaming about people from my past which makes me feel even worse.

 

[Chiyumine]

I often find myself lost in elaborate daydreams where I dream about becoming a dictator and cult leader all while I'm still attending school in my hometown. I know it would've never happened, but I can't stop thinking about it...

 

[daydreamer52]

I can relate to everything you wrote. I've had this problem for my entire life, but as I've gotten older it's gotten so much worse. I am almost constantly thinking about the past. It seems like no matter how bad a certain period of my life is, I always find a way to romanticize it. I have practically mythologized the year 2020 and 2021, but deep down I know I was just as miserable then as I am now. The only difference is that at that time I had some hope that life would get better, and now that hope is almost entirely gone. I think I romanticize the past as a coping mechanism. This problem has really gotten out of control. A year ago I was on this forum talking about how badly I wanted to die and somehow I've found a way to romanticize that period of my life. This is killing me. I find myself regularly dreaming about people from my past which makes me feel even worse.

That's exactly how I feel, I also think a lot about 2020, 2021 or 2022, I'm blinded by nostalgia and I end up convincing myself that I was at a better place, emotionally and physically, in those years, but it's a lie, I haven't changed nor transformed in any aspect of life for the past years, I was as low as I am now, thus i don't even know why I feel euphoric when reminiscing about that time, idk why I feel so attached to those memories, it seems to me going back to any point in my life would be better than my present life.

 

[fallingbehind]

I ruminate on my past and every awful, shitty thing Ive said and done all the time. Whats interesting is that between the terrible, I know for a fact there had to be SOME positive memories, but I cant remember them very well.
Im pre-dispositioned to feeling like garbage always all the time it seems.

 

[iveseenfootage]

Honestly I'm the complete opposite, I feel like I've blocked out any specific events from my past and only remember a sense of sadness I guess. Any time I try to think about specific things I get a panic attack lol. I'm not sure which is better, just fucked in a different way I guess lol

 

[DukeDestroyer]

Yes, I do realize I'm a completely different person from I was twenty years ago. I never knew I was as fucked as I have always been. My twenties was by far my worst decade. I wish I was a similar to the person I am now but back then. I can hardly write these days my brain is certainly on a decline.