Do you think I should have hope?

[wistfulness]

When I was 15, I started cutting myself. Since then, I would tell myself that once I left for college, things would get better. Before I could even finish the first semester of my senior year, my mother died of cancer, leaving my twin sister and I to care for our disabled father alone (he has Parkinson's).

Some part of me still thought things would get better. After graduating high school (2 years ago), I moved over 700 miles away from my home, effectively cutting me off from everyone I grew up with just to live by my dad's other children - who don't even show up for us when we need them. And recently, the only other adult left that I trust - my godmother - just got diagnosed with stage 4 cancer. My dad and her both had falls this week and I honestly just can't take the stress of it.

Every time I start to let myself think that things will get better, I remember every other time I said that and things only got worse. I miss my home and I miss my mom and I know things will never, ever go back to the way they were and I just can't accept that. It will take so much work for me to be happy - for me to accept myself. For me to be able to have healthy relationships with other people (being a lesbian certainly doesn't make it easier).

I'm honestly losing hope that things will ever get better. Should I just jump ship before things get even worse?

 

[derpyderpins]

I'm sorry to hear about your dad and godmother. That is tough.

So you're in college right now? Still big changes to happen. You might be better suited for post-education life. It only takes one good relationship (friendship is fine!) to open things up for you.

 

[dolemitedrums]

Your life sounds challenging but with the way you have conducted yourself in the past regarding your family you deserve to at least be happy with yourself.

 

[mya_]

Hi! Sorry to hear all the difficulties in your life right now. I believe that life can get better to you, even if it seems impossible right now. I remember that my academic years were the worst and I thought it would never get better, but, in fact it did get better. Meeting new people and doing different activities can help a lot. I hope things get easier for you

 

[L0neW0lf]

Hi! Sorry to hear all the difficulties in your life right now. I believe that life can get better to you, even if it seems impossible right now. I remember that my academic years were the worst and I thought it would never get better, but, in fact it did get better. Meeting new people and doing different activities can help a lot. I hope things get easier for you

I am not gonna say like that.

But what I say is do what you can and how much you can and don't let the pressure eats you, take some deep breath try to decrease depression, whatever you do to relax, but don't become a living dead, share your worries if you can get someone not to solve but to share. Life is indeed unstable and very unstable for some unlucky but innocent souls. Which is unfair but it is what it is.

Living inside head is dangerous.

 

[Throwawayacc3]

I'm sorry to hear about your dad and godmother. That is tough.

So you're in college right now? Still big changes to happen. You might be better suited for post-education life. It only takes one good relationship (friendship is fine!) to open things up for you.

It also takes one to destroy you internally and never trust people again.

 

[derpyderpins]

It also takes one to destroy you internally and never trust people again.

Also true. Hope is kinda shit, but OP does have hope.

 

[Throwawayacc3]

Also true. Hope is kinda shit, but OP does have hope.

Hopium is copium lmao.

Basically turning into an autistic filthy frank:

Ravioli, ravioli, what's in the pockoli?

 

[L0neW0lf]

sometimes i just have to convince myself not to take life seriously.