Do you suffer from a physical or mental illness that contributes to your CTB ideation?

[Dawns]

just curious about other people on this forum but i struggle with anxiety and depression and i feel maybe some other undisagnosed issues. also substance abuse issues. i hate therapy and don't think it helps me either

 

[AJAX]

yep, i am a diagnosed bipolar which i feel fucks me up even more when it comes to CTB

 

[Octavia]

Both, really. I deeply regret not looking into my identity issues before I was over half a decade into my first puberty, it was quite disastrous. And then there's emotional trauma from the kind people who birthed me into this nice place full of sunshine, climate change, and having to see other people suffer. Sometimes I wonder how I even came to be, I do not seem to be designed for staying alive very long.

 

[Jaxveil]

Depression, Anxiety and ADD.....I refuse to take meds because I would rather feel the pain than nothing at all as the drugs they prescribed just made me a walking vegetable. Tried therapy, that didn't work, either. I feel like they are just being paid to listen and when the hour is up, they return home and you are left with the issues you walked in with. The only thing that helps is throwing myself into my creative projects but, like life itself, that too is temporary.

 

[lukas19]

just curious about other people on this forum but i struggle with anxiety and depression and i feel maybe some other undisagnosed issues. also substance abuse issues. i hate therapy and don't think it helps me either

Pretty much identical as you

 

[SoftWorries]

I have PTSD from an attempted murder suicide by my older brother when I was young. I managed to pull my life together some years ago but ended up walking in on a murder due to neglect.

Later my cousin killed himself and my mother said that his daughter only four at the time was destined for the same. That just broke me.

This life is constant hell

 

[DarkFriend.]

Depression. I can go extended periods where I distract myself from it, but it always comes back.

I'm locked in constant battle against it--against my own mind. Nothing really matters and I know that, but for the time being I can pretend like some things do, at least to me, and that's enough for me to persist for a while.

The day will come though where I'll decide to finally be done with thus whole mess, and I'll CTB.

The mere thought of it relaxes me.

 

[Dawns]

Depression, Anxiety and ADD.....I refuse to take meds because I would rather feel the pain than nothing at all as the drugs they prescribed just made me a walking vegetable. Tried therapy, that didn't work, either. I feel like they are just being paid to listen and when the hour is up, they return home and you are left with the issues you walked in with. The only thing that helps is throwing myself into my creative projects but, like life itself, that too is temporary.

omg i feel the same. i literally feel like they are counting the time down until it's over. it's so uncomfortable and awkward for me and personally i don't like talking about past trauma and stuff it doesn't feel great nor does it help me.

 

[Covalite]

I have clinical severe depression, anxiety but im currently waiting on a phsc eval to see if it's paranoia, autism and the final two diagnosis ADD and antisocail personality disorder doesn't want wana ctb but it defiantly doesnt help with my environmental factors. As for physical disabilities non wana make me ctb but my extremely near sightedness (which i call no sighted cuase how bad it is) definatly doesnt help. Also for every diagnosis i listed i have been formally diagnosed with.
Edit i forgot to ad ptsd which also makes me wana ctb.

 

[Neon Grave]

I have professionally diagnosed depression, anxiety, and ADHD. I've suspected that I might be on the spectrum as well, but can't afford testing. I doubt that it would matter whether I knew or not anyway.

 

[CentreMid]

Depression, Anxiety, PTSD. I know ADHD is a neurotype, not a mental illness, but it also contributes to my wanting to ctb

 

[macrocosm]

just curious about other people on this forum but i struggle with anxiety and depression and i feel maybe some other undisagnosed issues. also substance abuse issues. i hate therapy and don't think it helps me either

I have major depression l or clinical depression. I know that it had a big part to do with my suicidal thought because when I started Sertraline the frequency of suicidal thoughts dropped dramatically. Went from constantly in my mind to only a couple of times a day

 

[Shinobu]

yea it could contribute

 

[nosoul]

just curious about other people on this forum but i struggle with anxiety and depression and i feel maybe some other undisagnosed issues. also substance abuse issues. i hate therapy and don't think it helps me either

Same boat, I tried to make myself better using cannabis and dmt, cannabis was generally fine, but the dmt has left me a nervous insomniac who can't eat properly. It's driving me crazy, I'm totally emotionless to life and my cognition and physical body are deteriorating from no sleep and food. I only see a slow decline and serious pain in my future, I wish I had the plans and bravery to end it. My dogs are keeping me around but even they know something is wrong with me.

 

[NoLoveNoHope]

I have clinical depression, social-phobia, over-restrictive eating disorder and autism.

Most days I can't be bothered to even care so my social anxiety never triggers so I just feel all the same, my eating disorder is also probably contributing how ugly I am, autism probably contributed to everyone leaving me.

I may have other diagnosed disorders like CPTSD or a psychotic disorder.

In short, absolutely.

 

[Chronicoverwhelm]

I have physical illnesses, as well as depression and anxiety but the root of most suffering in my life is due to ADHD.

 

[Zegers]

Disability, depression, physical discomfort, GAD, maybe more, too much. That's the first reason for it, i don't want to go nowhere if I'm not even feeling ok in the shell.

 

[Mimi_]

No idea, never went to see a psychiatrist. But yeah, something is definitely wrong with me and I suffer a lot from it.

 

[Forever Sleep]

Not officially no. Although I suspect I would be diagnosed with depression if I went to see a GP- I have been in the past.

 

[FuneralCry]

I just think the fact that the flesh prison that is the human body can torture us so much is why suicide will always be the most logical option to me. I could never want to exist in this world where there is unlimited potential to feel pain, and anyway all that we are destined for as humans is to decay from age. To me this world undeniably is so hellish and existing is something so harmful. But any kind of physical suffering certainly makes me wish to ctb even more.

 

[EfiLoneVolon]

Depression for sure.But I was too dumb to seek help and lost years didnt even know what anxiety was.pathetic.
Now i suffer from a physical condition which cause chronic pain and have a terrible impact on my quality of life.
I was so close,getting better everyday and life TKO me.

 

[downndone2]

Physical illness, depression, anxiety, agoraphobia

 

[blackwidow92]

I have bipolar and it's likely part of the reason I want to go, the depression feels endless and SSRI's make me manic so I can't take them

 

[sana703]

I'm undiagnosed because my therapist was in "no ability" to tell if an individual had any kind of mental disorders, tho he told me to go to some sort of clinic where they could diagnose me, but honestly I just gave up and never went there cause I didn't want to go through all the process of talking to my problems and telling a random person how I felt again, especially with the terrible experiences I had with that therapist (and I never went to any other therapists after that one). Tho I suffer physically from my mental health I don't know if it's normal or not but whenever I feel really bad i'm super weak and my head hurts alot and that's every time I feel "bad", it might sounds super stupid but I don't know that's just what happens to me and it happens (most of the time) at night when i'm in my bed I have a terrible headache and I feel super bad and I just try to go through the night with stuff to distract myself but it rarely works and most of the time I just suffer until I somehow fall asleep.

 

[imlookingforward]

depression, anxiety, adhd, and autism, it all makes me feel like a useless sack of shit, i can't overcome it

 

[jamie_]

it contributes for sure