Story Do you feel that your current life is bad?

[I can't beat it]

Please provide your reasons

 

[Darkover]

yes 7 long years of living with a brain injury with no end insight

 

[Innereye]

I sleep a few hours every 2-3 days, horrid fatigue, migraines, discomfort. I am constantly in and out a misty haze of extreme brain fog. Yet am dangled on a string of hope trying to recover, get treatment and my life back. I have had to put everything on hold to dedicate myself to compensating for an incompetent medical system.

Been going through this for 6 years, my body and mind have degraded but I have also made strides and progress towards my chances of getting better. In the end its all a massive push and pull of pain and hope, with little reprieve.

 

[ADeadBunny]

Sure, why pass up a perfectly good opportunity to whine about my life some more?

Yes I think my life is bad. I wouldn't want to ctb so bad if I thought it was worth living. I've been abused by many different people throughout my life and tbh I don't know which way is up. I don't care anymore either.

I've known that I was meant to be a girl since I was 4 (I'm 20 now) and all the time between now and then has been wasted. I expressed my feelings with my "loving" parents for some years after I initially realised and I was brushed off.

I should've started my medical transition at 18 when I didn't need them anymore, but by that time my mind had been destroyed by abuse and drugs. I had firmly believed that after everything that I had done I would surely die in my sleep or have a heart attack one day, but that became evident that it wouldn't happen.

So now here I sit, this gross thing. A mockery of what could've been or really what should've been. I'm now trapped in a life I cannot recognise let alone one I could call my own. I'm still here because there is someone who depends on me. As soon as they don't need me anymore, I'm punching my ticket and getting out of here.

 

[Forever Sleep]

Comparitively speaking- to other stages in my life and to other people? No. It's been worse than it currently is. Mostly why I want to leave now is because I dread returning to a wage slave job. I dread even going through the meat grinder of looking for work again. For me, it's more that life really doesn't seem worth the effort. Not even a life I would prefer. I feel able to know this because I'm 43 and have put in lots of effort in the past. How about you?

 

[the_path_of_sorrows]

I am not strong to endure such levels of stress. Studying and balancing two part time jobs, also going to the gym.. I don't remember sleeping for more than 6 hours a night, even during "holidays", for God's sake. There is only one way out, and quitting isn't an option as this would also lead to the same result just everybody would remember me as lazy. So, nah, thanks. Better to work myself to death.

 

[Life_and_Death]

ive spent my entire 24 1/2yrs + (, i consider myself to be abused since before birth since i heard i was suppose to be aborted) on this earth being abused/rejected everywhere. im fairly confident im in the middle of a huge mental breakdown because of it
if this isnt bad, im scared lol

 

[ADeadBunny]

(, i consider myself to be abused since before birth since i heard i was suppose to be aborted)

This resonates with me. I was also told (at an alarmingly young age) that I was also on the chopping block. My only lamentation is that she didn't fucking do it.

 

[leavingthesoultrap]

Some people are more fortunate than others. I haven't had it the worst but I've managed to screw up pretty bad. Most problems in my life stem from my inability to fit in. I'm autistic, not social (except for few exceptions) and I have BPD traits and some childhood trauma. Not a good combination.

 

[Leavesfromthevine]

No my life isn't necessarily bad. I have a stable job with stable income and some money saved somehow. I'm able to afford my hobbies and live how I want within reason.

It's the mental aspect of my life that's bad. Although I can afford my hobbies I don't have the motivation to actually do them. I end up rotting away in my room avoiding everyone.

There's some things that would make life better but overall it wouldn't change enough.

Life is a battle I've already lost.

 

[Life_and_Death]

(at an alarmingly young age)

lol opposite. when my first little brother was born just before i turned 11, i noticed something was wrong when i was the only one in the house with different colour eyes (them blue, mine green). when i asked if i was adopted my (now obviously step) father started to tell me something but my mothers walked by, kinda back handed his shoulder and said "dont tell her that".
my step father being a "jokester" i wasnt sure who to believe until i was 17 and my grandfather told me.

(jokester in a bad way. i got a wrench stuck on my finger in my pre teens (im not a girly girly and i was an idiot XD) and he told me he was going to have to cut my finger off then just went and got the WD40, the whole time im completely bawling my eyes out. like.. really dude? thats appropriate to you?)

 

[ADeadBunny]

my step father being a "jokester" i wasnt sure who to believe until i was 17 and my grandfather told me.

(jokester in a bad way. i got a wrench stuck on my finger in my pre teens (im not a girly girly and i was an idiot XD) and he told me he was going to have to cut my finger off then just went and got the WD40, the whole time im completely bawling my eyes out. like.. really dude? thats appropriate to you?)

It seems we have a little in common. My father used to say things like that too. However if I ever let it show how much it hurt or scared me I'd get hit :/

Gotta love growing up in the south with a cop for a dad :,)

 

[Life_and_Death]

Gotta love growing up in the south with a cop for a dad :,)

omg mine was a security guard (wanna be cop lol)

However if I ever let it show how much it hurt or scared me I'd get hit :/

my physical abuser was mostly my mother.
at least i dont think it was necessary for her to pull me down the hall by my hair because i was quickly finishing the sentence/paragraph in my book before coming out to help

 

[ADeadBunny]

omg mine was a security guard (wanna be cop lol)

my physical abuser was mostly my mother.
at least i dont think it was necessary for her to pull me down the hall by my hair because i was quickly finishing the sentence/paragraph in my book before coming out to help

Omg, twins lol. My dad (who was my main physical abuser) also had a fixation with grabbing me by the head/hair.

Once when I was 13 he tried to throw me off the 2nd story of a resaurant and when he failed he dragged me around by my ear.

Any time he was upset with me and we were alone though he would throw me by my hair. If he was close enough anyway.

 

[Life_and_Death]

Omg, twins lol. My dad (who was my main physical abuser) also had a fixation with grabbing me by the head/hair.

Once when I was 13 he tried to throw me off the 2nd story of a resaurant and when he failed he dragged me around by my ear.

Any time he was upset with me and we were alone though he would throw me by my hair. If he was close enough anyway.

i 1) wasnt his and 2) wasnt a son. my "dad" couldnt be bothered with me no matter how hard i worked and tried

 

[ADeadBunny]

i 1) wasnt his and 2) wasnt a son. my "dad" couldnt be bothered with me no matter how hard i worked and tried

Mine was/is a narcissist. Everything had to go his way all the time or else.

To prevent clogging up the thread if you'd like we could move this to pm. If not, it's cool. It's been nice having someone to relate to though, as messed up as it is.

 

[ijustwishtodie]

Yes, my life sucks. For one, I never made an irl friend or acquaintance during my entire life. Also, I don't really have any interests nor do I have anything that I can rely on to calm down. Not to mention at how life is inherently suffering which I can only avoid by suicide

 

[penguinl0v3s]

No, it's actually pretty good. But my brain is broken and I can't feel happy despite that. Depressed since 12.

 

[itgotme0d]

its mostly just me thats bad ike i cant relate to others and fit in withg others and act like a real human being i just feel so alienated from the world and everyone in it. like im just cripplingly lonely too incompetent to actually do anything about it and its all just awful. like i see other people around me just interact with others effortlessly like its nothing and acquire all the things i desperately wish i had and it just pains my soul, it just hurts so bad its fucking endless torture just a mix of jealousy envy anger. i know deep down it wont get better i just want to get out i jus want the pain to end i just want to stop having to care.
my life is some good and some bad but when it comes to the bad i REALLY just cant handle it because of where i am mentally

 

[Peaceful Departure]

Literal nightmare

- grew up very close with family
-dad was my hero from childhood to 24
-parents split
-dad remarried mom cycled through boyfriends
-was raised upper middle class, going to uni was an expectation, and i wanted to
-parents put used me as a middle man for finances
-i'd get screamed at by one, then the call would end with "i'll pay this if they pay that!"
I'd relay it back
"Fuck no im not paying that. After everything he out me through…"
Literal torture
-Family, financial, and school stress took its tole and i developed severe nerve problem in my right arm and leg
-moved back with mom, and her boyfriend moved in a few months later
- he was mentally unwell and threatened me
-been diagnosed with ptsd from some of the things he did to me
-mom took his side and i couch surfed
- i was later forced to move back in and my mom had this guy terrified
-he went from sleeping in a bed with her to barricading himself in a room with dumbbells so she couldn't get to him
-she's a fucking monster
-i actually bonded later with this guy who threatened me over surviving my mom
- dad began treating me like i was no longer part of the family
-he had a new one and was never the same to me
-went through a bunch more shit, but made it back to school
-brain was fucked from ptsd, from my dad false promising money, etc
-dropped out, went to rehab
-rehab was by far the best i'd felt in a decade
-had a meeting with my dad, therapist, and doctor while at rehab to make a plan
-we agrees i'd stay in a place for a week then head to live with him so i'd have some support
- left rehab, dad kept saying it wasn't a good time
- started trying to help someone in need from rehab
-she was in bad shape, moved away with no home, terrified to be in public, bpd, wouldn't eat when i wasn't around
-she trapped me through having me think she'd die if i left
- i remained hopeful that i'd be able to escape to live with my dad
-he told me they were moving and i's have my own room
-i wrote a quote he told me in my phone to keep me going in the mean time with reference to staying with him "it doesn't matter if it's a day or a year it's whatever u need."
- 7 months later i finally got to see him. He told me he doesn't want me ever staying more than a couple days
- my sole goal in life became trying to make sure this girl wouldn't die
-took her to na meetings, held her hand, introduced her to people, left when she couldn't stay
-she wouldn't let me talk to people, everything was a problem
- she abused me in ways im not willing to get into rn
-after a year she told the hundreds of people she'd met at na meetings that im her abuser and that she has stockholm syndrome
-she had me completely isolated, completely powerless, and then she turned everything upside down and told everyone that i was doing what she was doing to me
-i've been unemployed for the longest period of my life
- im literally scared to go outside in my hometown because this girl moved here and took advantage of me
-my once close "loving" family are literal monsters (at least my dad is to me).
-now im back living with my mom who basically kicks me out when her boyfriend comes over, and i don't always have anywhere to go

I've already said too much, but that still feels like i'm only scratching the surface of what was done to me this past decade

 

[WeDontKnowTheFuture]

Never has been so bad, almost no social life, loneliness, no wish or goal, envy and jalousy, frustration, regrets, no perspective future. I never have been well in my life but i never thought it was going to get at this point. I'm just constantly hesitating to put and end to it or stay for my parents.

 

[wheredidyouleaseme]

it is worse now, than it was before, and that is hard to sit with.
i feel misunderstood, abandoned, unloved and without a future.
i feel like things fell apart and are really bad. i don't have a way to overcome my current problems.

 

[FuneralCry]

Yes. I find it so burdensome simply just existing as a conscious being in this cruel and futile existence where there is endless possibilities for suffering. Existence could never not be bad, I hate how I was forced into this hellish place yet there isn't the option to just easily cease existing in peace. Overall I just don't see existence as something desirable and it fills me with dread to think of what lies ahead, I'll always prefer the sound of eternal non-existence.

 

[Celerity]

Is my life bad? No.

Is it worth it though? Also no.

 

[outrider567]

Yes, mentally--Physically, nothing wrong, and I sleep more than 10 hours every 24 hours---Mentally, black hole of depression omnipresent since she died 2 years ago

 

[boom.shaka.laka]

Bad would be an understatement. I'm 33, I've lost everything and I don't have the will or strength to keep living like this. I've struggled mentally since I was a toddler, mental illness and trauma has caused chronic physical illness, I can't afford basic needs and have lost all relationships.

 

[Mistiie]

Honestly, no. My current life is just fine. The only aspect that makes me suicidal is me. Everything around me goes as I want it to, but I just don't like the aspect of myself. I wish I was someone else entirely.

 

[kcatchesthebus]

My life is horrible. I've dealt with extreme mental health struggles for my entire life. Watched as person after person in my life became extremely sick and disabled. Became disabled myself. Watched as people would come into my life and then abandon me because im too much for them. I am no one's first choice in this entire universe. My husband of 5 years dragged me across the country to live in a state i didnt want to be in to pursue his dreams, I had to start working despite my illness, then out of no where he left me. I am completely broke and broken hearted and all of my hopes and dreams died with my marriage. He keeps telling me that I can't die because it would betray him…. But he betrayed me first. Every second of my existence is exhausting, and painful. I have nothing to live for

 

[tristis_melodiam]

I'm depressed and lonely and I don't know what the future holds for me. I don't have a good family and I don't have any money. I honestly don't know what i'm doing with my life except being miserable and sad all day long. So yes, my life is bad.

 

[restorekarma2024]

i wouldnt describe my life as bad so much as below average, not too terrible but not worth living at this point. to me i just feel like my brain is fundamentally broken in some way, i mean my life has been pretty decent minus a couple really traumatic experiences, and i know a lot of people who've had it a lot worse. my main issues i struggle with are just mental disorders that cant really be fixed, like my autism, depression, crippling anxiety/paranoia or bpd (among others these are just the ones that are worst for me, and ive tried medicine and therapy but they never helped any). I had a kinda bad childhood, we grew up pretty poor (we lived in a bug/roach infested shack filled with rotting food with 6 people in it for a long while) and my parents werent the best, but they both came from really broken families so i dont blame them, at least they werent as bad as their parents were, they did their best but their best fucked me up alot. im doing kinda okay now but im extremely lonely and cant really trust anyone anymore, plus I have barely any social life to speak of, but I'm fine on my own, i prefer to not have too many close people, loneliness is better than fear of abandonment or paranoia. typing it out makes it feel like i had it really bad but there are a lot of people I've known who've had it worse so at least its not as bad as it couldve been.