Discussion Do you feel bad about being on this site?

[TheBlackSwordsman]

Its paradoxical. This community is nice and it feels nice to have somewhere to go to share feelings and thoughts in a non-judgemental space. That said, I think, for most of us, being here is a continual reminder that we are deeply struggling. Being here is cool, but I regret whenever I come here.

 

[FatalSystemError591]

Finding the former reddit was honestly an inevitability. Oddly enough in a way being here has improved my mental health in ways of loneliness and knowing people won't freak out when I share that I want to CTB and what led me to that decision. I've wanted to erase myself from this world at a young age and just never knew how, it was a ticking timebomb of when I would go looking for ways to do just that.

I don't feel bad for being here, and to be here doesn't make me feel like a failure, but the fact that I am at this point is where I get stirred with different feelings. It wasn't that I failed, it was the people who claimed to love me the most doing irreparable damage to me. They all failed me, when I needed them.

I tried to get out and did all I could. Nothing has worked and so I'm seeing myself out of the existence I never should have been in anyway. (I was almost aborted, when I came out I had the cord around my neck and was blue, and developed jaundice a few days later. The universe literally said fuck you in damn near any way possible and yet by a "miracle" (curse) that I somehow survived to nearly be 25.)

 

[Meditation guide]

It makes me wish I had a different happier kind of life. I can't mentally escape from the sad reality of what my life has become. So yes in that way it's sad but it's good too. Now I know exactly what I have to do. No running away from it any more.

 

[In2TheVoid]

I think it's definitely a sign of my decline that I am on this site, thinking about ctb more and more

 

[WOODESITY]

I've Been here quite some time, i joined when i was looking for methods and partners as i remember, this place is good enough for me, compared to suicideproject there are many pro lifers and people silencing others for venting and speaking truth, i left that website long ago and i don't think I'll return, sometimes i feel like i can't open this site, it feels wrong to be here sometimes, like I'm not good enough, i don't belong here

 

[WornOutLife]

Not at all. It actually feels great to be here! Fortunately, people here are not boring and normal like most humans and also, they're pro-choice. (Although there are some pro-lifer lurkers around lol)

Here on SS, people can understand each other when talking about suicide, depression, disorders, etc and I find that amazing!

 

[BeansOfRequirement]

I only feel bad after having posted cringe :(

 

[angelfeather]

No I don't feel bad. Apart from my Doctor, no one close to me knows how I actually feel so can't talk to anyone about it. Coming on here helps a lot.

 

[Spitfire]

It kind of feels like I belong here on this site for now to me. And no not really at all, or do I feel bad or wrong about it in even the slightest way, actually.

I like it and can be honest about how I feel regarding this subject.

 

[wishicouldgoback]

Not at all. I'm here for a very good reason. When you are almost completely isolated.. it's good to be able to communicate with people in similar situations.

 

[FreeMe]

Definitely feel guilty. Like I'm not trying hard enough to get "better" and indulging in my suicidality..... It's just really nice to read from people who think like me....

 

[Aloken]

Definitely not. I feel relieved, privileged and "heard".
And I don't feel guilty that I am suicidal. Why would someone feel
guilty that they feel so much pain that they gotta leave? Of course guilt isn't always rational.
Sometimes I feel guilty when I'm here, talking about my ctb and my mom or dad are beside me minding their own business, not knowing what will happen.. That yes. But I'm grateful for this place here

 

[blue_muse]

No; people, several so called friends and family, claim ignorance to the consequences of their actions, which lead me here in the first place.

 

[Unending]

It doesn't matter how. Maybe you feel like you ended up here due to your own shortcomings, or you feel bad about giving advice, or maybe just plain bad.
I honestly don't know how to feel about SS as a whole. This community is extremely nice and supportive, and I definitely don't regret joining. But at the same time, something just feels off about being here. I can't tell if this is just a lack of sleep getting to me or some sort of crisis.

I've only been browsing here for a few weeks but it has been plentiful. Honestly there is a voice in my head (presumably anxiety and fear) telling me that its unhealthy to spend a lot of time per day on the site but I'm trying not to listen to it because I don't know if I believe it. Meanwhile the same voice is telling my that all my roommates hate me and everyone thinks I'm a pest so I'll ignore that voice extra hard because of that.

 

[wilted-rose]

I dont regret signing up here. I just feel bad that things turned so wrong that I have to resort to these kinds of options.

 

[Caustic]

It doesn't matter how. Maybe you feel like you ended up here due to your own shortcomings, or you feel bad about giving advice, or maybe just plain bad.
I honestly don't know how to feel about SS as a whole. This community is extremely nice and supportive, and I definitely don't regret joining. But at the same time, something just feels off about being here. I can't tell if this is just a lack of sleep getting to me or some sort of crisis.

I am just glad there is a community that supports and is understanding. I do not regret joining.

 

[Forever Sleep]

I don't feel bad, although I probably was a little nervous initialy when I first joined- didn't know entirely what to expect I guess as I hadn't lurked beforehand much. Plus- it felt like a step closer to actually doing it. While it's what I've wanted for literally decades, the process of it still frightens me.

I only feel bad about CTB for the grief it might leave behind. I'm trying to at least reduce that by doing my best to hang on for the one person left who I'm sure it would deeply affect.

 

[ksp]

of course i don't feel bad about being on this site !

what feels off is the fact that society is so incredibly ignorant and delusional about death:
'death is absolutely not accepted in our society, therefore death is off topic and taboo:
obviously we are immortal - obviously !!!, let's just change the subject, and think happy thoughts :)'

in fact, mortality belongs in high school curriculum, just like sex-ed - i'd call it 'death-ed'
instead of being aggressively rejected from our collective consciousness

what should be eliminated from society is old mentality / religion, and fear of unknown, and be replaced with scientific knowledge and logic

all students, in all countries, should be required to have an account on this site - SS, so get informed
death is not a fucking taboo subject - it's REALITY !!! it's patiently waiting for all of us, so WAIK UP !

knowing about death doesn't require you to be suicidal

ps. ignorance triggers me…

 

[FuneralCry]

No, in my case the thing that makes me feel bad is the fact that I continue to exist and that I am still trapped in this life. While this website isn't free from many of the things that I dislike in this world, it's the one place in which methods can be discussed and suicide isn't viewed as being so stigmatised like it is everywhere else. There's simply nothing wrong with what this site stands for, the right to die is a human right and suicide is simply a personal decision which should be respected.
The thing that is wrong is the pro suffering society that we live in, which is focused on prolonging torment and forcing people to suffer. Of course the most ideal thing would be to never exist at all, but we at least deserve the option of a peaceful exit to escape from this world that we were forced into. If that was the case then suicide forums would never need to exist in the first place.

 

[Spiritual survivor]

No, it's hard to discuss this stuff with other people who don't suffer in life that much.

 

[BipolarExpress]

I don't feel bad about being on this site; I feel bad about existing.

 

[jodes2]

I feel bad being on this site because I seem to be somewhat helping people to die with the advice I give, and it doesnt sit that well with me. So then I try to balance it by trying to encourage people to live, which doesn't go down so well with others fairly often. So idk, between a rock and a hard place. I guess I see myself like Switzerland - enabling death as long as conditions are met. Even that doesn't sit well with some people but it's the best I can do, and it's the only way I'm really willing to be here, I hope I don't eventually get hated

 

[WaveringLight]

No, but the fact so many people (myself included) frequents this website saddens me. The existence of SS puts a perspective of how cruel life is. In an ideal world, this forum shouldn't exist.

That being said, I have cherished my time here so far. I love this being a hub where you can talk about things that would normally institutionalize you freely. People who felt they never had a place in society or in themselves can have a voice here.

 

[whywere]

Feel bad?? HEAVENS NO NEVER!!!!!! I fully admit my mental health aspects, it defines me, right or wrong.

All the folks here have their own place in the sun, wherever that may lead to, personal choice. But to say in a broad paint stroke anything about anyone here is purely wrong.

With those aspects said, I love, care and am fully wanting the best for each and every soul on here, there in again, where that might lead to. It has been said here too many times by me, so I will just say that I found a place where likeminded and such beautiful souls are.

In the U.S. where I live, the federal government, is looking at this site and others like it, I guess, but they miss the point. Now I will say ctb is one and done, be careful, but too much has been misconstrued about SS and I for one would wish that all peoples everywhere would stop, think and understand.

Walter

 

[makethepainstop]

Feel bad, about being here?!! Not this boy, it's like the answer to a prayer I have been saying for the last 50 years.

 

[theboy]

Some times

 

[whatevs]

Yes. I want to leave the forum but sadly a large part of me feels comfortable here. Fuck me.

 

[brokensea]

I think some of the best people in the world are on here and no matter how you're feeling someone can relate and you don't have to hide how you feel. I've gotten support on the worst days and I hide my suicidality from everyone so it's nice to be able to just say what I feel. That someone out there somewhere cares.

However there are some goodbye posts that just effect me. The things people go through is just horrific beyond words. Some people just never had a break or a chance. Life was so brutal to them it's heartbreaking.

I also have seen things I do not like which is why I took a break for a while.

Some people can be toxic here. A member posted about being depressed about their weight and there were so many shaming comments. I've seen it on other threads too where people say they feel unattractive in general and people will say cruel things to them.

Also people asking about where they got their method at or talking about themselves or something off topic on a goodbye post. As if we cannot take a second to comfort someone in such a final, often frightening moment without talking about ourselves.

I also see a lot of sickos say things about rape and disgusting things about women or become predatory and sometimes they get a slap on the wrist instead of banned so there are reasons this site becomes too much for me at times.

 

[cowie]

I don't feel bad. I genuinely would not know about SN without this site and it's good to hear from people in similar situations. It makes me feel less isolated when making important decisions and I enjoy giving advice to other people.