I tried, I really really did…

[Siamese Believe]

I tried to talk online about how I feel in other spaces, especially reddit. I tried to be authentic. But time after time I was censored, gaslit, mocked, downvoted, and ignored. This is simply the only place I can exist until I enact my plan.

I'm convinced this is the only place on the entire internet where suicide can be freely discussed and viewed as a logical solution opposed to some horrific tragedy to always be avoided. This world is a circus tent, everyone who is completely anti-suicide is pro-suffering intentionally or not.

I understand wanting people to live, but to completely reject the philosophy behind suicide is outrageous. Babies are born to suffer and die, animals are torn to sheads constantly, people are always in pain. This is a blue ball of suffering.

I am so frustrated with the human race and it's willful ignorance, I'm hoping to finish the job soon enough. I would've been gone by now but things keep happening that makes me delay my plan.

I was intending on not coming back here because even though nobody had noticed I was gone, I felt too embarrassed to come back knowing I didn't even come close to killing myself yet. This is more so due to a personal trauma from people telling me I don't actually wanna kill myself or "You would've done it already.".

After a while it starts to feel like you're the only conscious being on the planet when you're around so many happy normal-minded individuals.

I truly believe suicidal people may just possess a certain awareness when it comes to life and reality that normal minded people simply lack.

Happy people only see the sun, but they can't see when the sun sets. We see both the sunset and the sunrise yet we still live in complete darkness.

 

[Jadeith]

I tried to talk online about how I feel in other spaces, especially reddit

Not meant to beat you down but you've chosen seemingly worst possible place to "be yourself". Lack of tolerance and arbitrary mod rulings there are legendary at this point.

I felt too embarrassed to come back knowing I didn't even come close to killing myself yet.

Easy there. That's not a competition. It's a choice. Given current circumstances you chose to stay. For now at least. And that's ok. You owe nothing to anyone in this regard. You will leave when you feel you are ready to leave. Do not force yourself only because of what others might think.

We see both the sunset and the sunrise yet we still live in complete darkness.

I like that one